Lukewarm response to news from my parents.

[randomuntrainedcuntowner]

My parents knew We were trying for a second, and my mum has been very vocal about wanting more grandchildren.

They have been on holiday this week. I was going to wait until they got back but I was too excited and called my mum.

She sounded a bit lukewarm on the phone, kind of said congratulations, and didn't really hear much from her the rest of the week.

She said she wanted to pop in with dad on the way back from the airport, so they came over. They barely even mentioned it. It was only when dd (who is a lot older so knows) said "I am going to be a big sister!" tgat it even came up. My mum said "oh yes isn't it exciting!" With a bit of a fake smile. At no point did they hug me, say congratulations, anything. My dad didn't mention it at all.

I am exhausted so couldn't be bothered to say anything. But now they have left I am really tearful, and it has put a bit of a dampener on my excitement. I have told dp, dd, and two close friends so far and they have all been genuinely excited about the news. Why can't my parents?

It makes me wonder if they disapprove but I can't think why. I wish they could just show emotion and affection like normal parents. I am so confused because dd was a happy accident and my mum seemed excited then.

I know my pregnancy will be not be especially exciting news to most people but I genuinely thought it's own grandparents might at least put a bit more effort in pretending to be happy.

And before anyone flames me I asked them all about their holiday and thanked them sincerely for the gifts they brought etc. I didn't expect it all to be about me.

And usually we are a "close" family, so it makes it even harder to understand.

When I told my mum I was pregnant the second time she cried for over an hour.... Didn't know how I would cope - married 1 dd already.

Then I told her it was twins..

She loved then when they were born though :)

Confession time - I might be a bit like your mum!

First pregnancy is new, exciting, new stage in life, new chapter... subsequent pregnancies are a bit meh.

I don't think you're wrong, but I don't think your mum is either.

I have the same with my parents. My mum has spent the last two years making passive aggressive comments about not having grandchildren yet, but when I actually get pregnant they are very casual about it and actually told me they won't visit the baby until she is a month old!! I cried for about two days after that conversation.

Parents are funny creatures. Maybe she has something else going on that she is worrying about? Maybe it's sadness that she wouldn't be pregnant again? Maybe it's just a surprise?

Thing is I am probably more excited about this one than I initially was with dd. Dd is the apple of my eye, but on paper it was wrong time, with wrong person. Now I am with dp who I love dearly, feel far more grown up and sorted, and this one was actually planned and tried for.

There are other things going on admittedly. It is the 1st anniversary of my brother's suicide on 22nd of this month. I know this will be on their mind, but I thought that this would make this news even more exciting as mum has said several times since I have been trying that a new baby would be a joyful thing in these sad times. Just don't get it! 😩

I guess all I wanted was a hug and a heartfelt "happy for you/congrats" or whatever.

Maybe she feels guilt to your db memory for showing happiness at this time?

I would think your parents are finding things difficult at the moment with your brother's anniversary coming up, and despite what they may have said previously about wanting more grandchildren, they may be thrown by the reality of another baby on the way. It's disappointing when you don't get the reaction you are expecting, but I think you could cut them a bit of slack at this difficult time. I expect they will be very excited nearer the time of the baby's arrival. Try not to let this overshadow your own joy and anticipation. Sorry for your loss and congratulations on your pregnancy

How do your parents get on with your partner? Could they have any reason for disliking him or thinking he doesn't treat you well?

Yeah maybe. No they don't dislike dp. They think the sun shines out of his arse!

Just spoke to my mum and asked if she was ok about it (non-accusatory). She said of course, and that they were over the moon!?

I just think that they are a bit rubbish at being affectionate/showing emotions. At that to them their holiday was a far more exciting topic. Which is fair enough I suppose.

For an example, my mum got far more excited about my friends pregnancy recently, and she had also just lost a brother. Kept saying how it was lovely for her/her brother. But when it comes to be she just seems incapable of showing any emotion. It's an ongoing issue really, I have never had much affection from them, or it is inconsistent and incongruent at times. They are just quite awkward people I guess.

*mum sorry, not brother

And I hate myself as this all seems very self-centred. Just had to vent and probably overthinking things as I am just so dog tired with this pregnancy!

My mum was the same when I told her, this is my second. I didn't get a congratulations or anything like that. I did eventually when I asked her about it, it really annoyed me not that I expected her to scream and shout but thought she would be more excited. My partners family seen more excited than my own. I'm sure your mum will come around

How far gone are you? Some people don't want to talk about it too early.

Pleased your parents adore your DP

Maybe it's pregnancy hormones making your feel over sensitive

Would they have been concerned about making a big fuss in front of your dd. Worrying she might be put out as they seem very fond of her.

I'm pregnant with my first. We haven't told our parents yet, due to specific timings but we have shared the news with our closest friends (a couple recently married). The reaction from them was really bizarre. "Oh. Right. Well" - I assume they just weren't expecting it (though not sure why - we have been together 5 years and though not married, we own a house together). I was really disappointed by their lack of enthusiasm and it put me off wanting to tell anyone else. They haven't mentioned it since. for you because it feels really shit.

It sounds like they are nervous for you tbh

Many people don't want to count their chickens before they are hatched and they'll be scared about what could happen until its born - especially if they've known you've been trying for awhile. Believe them when they say they are happy.

Nick - it'll be more about them than you - maybe they are pregnant too or struggling with infertility. Don't take it personally

I'm sorry but you need to be gentle on your parents. It's the anniversary of their son's death coming up. Any new news is hard as it is news that their son will never know. My son died three half years ago and it is the happiest of news which is the hardest for me to hear. As happy as I am for others it takes me to a place of grief for what I've lost and what my son has lost.

When and if my other son has his own child it will be extremely hard for me. I will be happy for him but I may need to process thenews in private.

It's still very early days in bereavement for you all. Give each other some space and understanding.

Was your brother older or younger than you? If he was her second child, could your mum be thinking about how she felt when she was pregnant with him, how excited about a larger family etc, and this is making her feel sad now?

Sorry that it's happening like this. For what it's worth I think it's also quite common for parents to be less enthused about subsequent pregnancies (until the baby is here!).

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Yes, it almost certainly is that they aren't that great at showing their emotions. Especially when we told our ILs about DC2 they were pretty blasé and didn't seem very bothered at all.

Until we bumped into a friend of theirs in the supermarket who recognised DH and raved about how excited FIL had been at work, proudly announced that he was expecting a second DGC and what great news it was.

I'm sure it will be similar with your parents. Probably your friends will show more excitement so enjoy telling them.

We are very open in talking about my brother. We are all finding it hard recently, last night I had several really disturbing dreams about him. It may be to do with that, although they usually talk quite openly when they are thinking about him or are at difficult points in their bereavement. Today was one of the few occasions we did not really speak much about him. Maybe they are both in a contemplative phase.

I know how you feel. This is our third and my mum cried (in a bad way) and said "You are joking? How could you let this happen???" I was proper upset! She soon came round though and I'm sure yours will too. Parents can be weird haha