Labour alone?

[anxious101]

Is it possible to cope with labour by yourself? I think I've come to the decision that this is best for me for a number of reasons. My partner has made it clear that he really doesn't want to be there and to be honest I've got to the stage where I agree. I am unable to ask my close family members for very difficult reasons and there is no one else I would feel comfortable with. What would you all do?

I didn't want to go through labour. But in order to have a child, I had to. Parenting is hard and often unpleasant (a LOT of vomit). Birth is often the first big challenge that new parents go through. It's hard, painful and you do it for your child. He's failing at the first hurdle.

Do you think he will step up when your child is sick or you get PND or your nipples are minced by BFing or your child won't sleep or has a SEN or nights terrors or gets bullied or is a bully or struggles at school or has a phobia or an operation? Parents generally don't get to opt out of the less fun parts.

Unless there was trauma or a very serious reason he couldn't attend, I'd be extremely upset if DH refused to attended DD's birth.

OP, of course you'll cope just as women have coped since time began.

I have 5 children and had all of them on my own with just medical staff present.

You'll be fine and a big well done for not pushing your husband into being with you. He knows he cant do it and you'll never have the fall out of him being with you and bitterly regretting being there.

You'll be fine

Did it alone with my now 5 mth old ds. His father told me I was on my own if didn't have an abortion at 7 weeks pregnant and indeed I was throughout the pregnancy and birth. It was absolutely fine. The only downside were the looks I got given whenever asked who my birthing partner was going to be and I said I'm not having one! My midwife who delivered him was lovely and so supportive throughout the late stages of labour and I honestly didn't feel the need to have anyone else there. I know my circumstances were different to yours but just so you know it is ok whatever you decide to do.

Lots of judgemental people. I wouldnt want to just for moral support is there a close friend you could take? All the best for labour and beyond ❤

I don't think anyone is being judgemental towards the op, just her partner. If he won't step up now she is in for a hell of a shock when the baby comes, I would be concerned that he will not stick around once baby comes home and he is not the centre of attention. Personally i would want to plan as much support for myself as possible as its clear he isn't going to provide any. I would try and reach out to your sister despite her fertility issues and ask her if she can help in any way or if it would be too hard for her right now. She might be more keen to get involved than you think. I would speak to ask many family and friends as you can and explain he wont come and hopefully someone will step up. If not a doula would be worth the money, get him to pay for one and then pack his bags for him!

I know you said you didnt want a doula but once in labour you might really want someone there.

I'd have mostly been ok. But the bits I wouldn't have would have been really tough. I went straight into active labour. Couldn't walk without support. A security guard found me vomiting outside the hospital whilst OH parked. The second time OH was ages trying to park and streams of people went past me as I tried to get to the ward. I was on all fours whilst contractions were going on. I don't think lugging a bag with me too would have helped.

I would never have forgiven OH if he hadn't been there (barring exceptional circumstances which it doesn't sound like your DH has).

Also I'm sure this won't happen to you but if your baby needs immediate intervention post birth you could be left totally on your own. This happened to a friend who's baby went straight to IC. If this happens the midwife will (rightly) prioritise the baby and just leave you. Alone. Not knowing what's happening.

I think you need someone there.

Of course it's doable. Mums can do anything 🙄
My dad wasn't there for any of us - my mum was sure he'd just get in the way, and he's just not that kind of 'modern man'. He is a lovely dad to all of us, and they're a great team.

Equally, my boyfriend was sure he didn't want to be there for our first, 2 years ago, and did no classes because 'there was nothing I couldn't just feed back to him when I got home.' Fair point.

Again, he's a very lovely daddy too to our now 3 children, and our toddler absolutely adores him.

Please ignore anybody telling you he's a shit dad for not wanting to be there. Some men just don't like the idea and are well within their right to express that view.
You'll be absolutely fine. Midwives know their shit. Just focus on the task at hand and enjoy raising your little one with your man ;)

Don't have a doula. I had one with #2 and I regret it almost 5yrs later. I still resent someone being there who has no emotional connection or history with me. Maybe she was a rubbish doula but she made me feel like I was giving birth in front of an audience. Looking back I should never have told her I'd gone into labour.

I don't particularly want to go through child birth either but as I've got to, my husband will be beside me - we're a team. Your husband is being a selfish cunt, I would probably tear him a new one to be honest.

some men just don't like the idea? ahh the poor men. maybe we should go back to the 50s and let them sit it a waiting room with a cigar