Interview for dream job - 35 weeks pregnant: WWYD

[SeatOfMyPants]

I have just found out got an interview for my dream job - 5 other candidates, those pesky probably very talented people who now stand in my way. The application would have been exceptionally competitive - everything is at the moment isn't it - but this is a gift of a job in my field and would have attracted an astonishing number of applicants. I feel chuffed that I got shortlisted. But I want the job - I feel a strong affinity with the project and, ok I don't know them personally, I can imagine fitting into the working culture.

I didn't note on my application that I'm pregnant - very pregnant. I'm due at the end of October. This is relevant: the start date is in October but, I figured, as it was my dream job, I needed to give it a go, even just to practice/network, and that letting on about the imminent arrival of no2 would just give HR an excuse to shorten their lists.

And these things are sometimes flexible. The position is an unusually long term fixed contract, with no such responsibilities as it would be impossible or even very difficult to delay the start, as far as I can see. And my husband is able and willing to take on a shared parental leave scenario at his work. So I would be in an position to start relatively swiftly: January even (I think earlier is unrealistic). I do have a plan.

My question is how I 'reveal': I don't want to email to tell them that I'm pregnant. If they're going to reject me, I'd rather it was because they didn't think I was right for the job, which I will only feel if I have given an interview my best shot.... But neither do I want to show up there, blatantly about to give birth - 'surprise' - and let the pregnancy dominate the interview. As ever with these things the die may be cast already (they may have someone lined up) but I want to feel that I've had the fairest appreciation. I'm looking for any perspective on the best way of handling this - employers and applicants. Wwyd?

Hello, congratulations on the interview. You've definitely done the right thing applying for the job. I'm not sure what I would do as I totally understand not wanting to email in advance, but equally I can why the 'surprise' factor is making you nervous.

Maybe this is naive, but it occurred to me that one way of looking at it is situation is as if you had a 3-month notice period in your current role - the earliest you could start a new role in January (what with Xmas etc). Lots of people have that sort of thing when going for jobs.

I'm sure you know that pregnancy is a protected characteristic in the Equalities Act so legally they can't ask you about it in an interview worksmart.org.uk/work-rights/family-friendly-work/maternity-leave/if-i-go-job-interview-do-i-have-tell-them-im - obviously at 35 weeks I'm not suggesting you deny it or try and hide it, but that you can set the agenda by stating the facts of the situation- you're due in October and you can start in January.

You could try calling www.maternityaction.org.uk/advice-2/advice-line/ for advice?

Sorry not to be more helpful- good luck with whatever you decide.

It may well be a protected characteristic but.....back in the real world.....

I was in a similar situation but not as far along so hid it at interview but told them when they offered me the job in writing. I also said my DH would be taking parental leave and having the bulk of the time off and I would only take six weeks off.

The job offer was rescinded and no matter what people say about pregnancy being a protected characteristic it's very hard to enforce and you won't be able to do anything about it if they don't offer you the job because of it. I've got a far better dream job now!

Say you will be able to start after Christmas and that you assume 3 months notice is acceptable (my actual notice period is longer than that) when you accept the interview.

If they say yes then at interview you can say your partner is looking forward to having next year off with the baby and you very much hope to be chosen so you can start straight after Christmas and that you were glad the three month start was acceptable although hope to come in during December to meet the team so you can hit the ground running in the NY.

I interviewed when pregnant and got the job. It was a several stage process and I hid the bump in the early stages but it was obvious towards the latter stages. No one mentioned it so in the end I said "shall we talk about the elephant in the room, which by this point is me, and have a discussion about timing?" The way things worked out, I started almost exactly three months after they made the offer (I was on three months notice anyway).

Not been in your shoes, just pretty certain I've been turned down a couple of times for simply being of child bearing age. If they want to discriminate they will. If they want you for the job, they'll accommodate.

To prep for interview I recommend Winning at interview by Alan Jones. It should put you in the right frame of mind to be successful. All the best

When would you anticipate returning to work after having the baby?

when a commenter doesn't even read the OP never mind the FT ^^

No need to be snotty now, is there?

I think I might head it up with an email along the lines of:

Dear XX

Really pleased to be able to accept the offer of an interview on X date. In advance of the interview, could you please let me know how flexible the start date is? I am currently expecting a baby which is due in October, so if successful would be available to start in January. As I am sure many other candidates would have similar length noticce periods I don't expect this to be a concern but would be grateful if you could clarify.

Many thanks and look forward to meeting you on XX date.

I've been a manager for a while and the one thing I have always told my staff if that they need to be upfront with m,e and that I don't want to be caught on the hop with a surprise (which would happen when you come in with a bump!).

I have always found the best policy with regards to parenthood and work is to be open and lay your cards on the table - demonstrate that you have looked at it from all angles (maternity leave, childcare etc) and have it all worked out.

They will be pooing themselves though - they may be worried that if they don't offer you the job they may be open to a discrimination case.

I think MotherofBoy has the right tone - I would also add how much I was looking forward to the interview for this exceptional/exciting/wonderful role.

Fingers crossed for a happy outcome.

Thank you so much for all these perspectives. It's a real quandary.

I'm sure they won't be pooing themselves- there's no risk to my appointment bar having to start a bit later (as I said, the role doesn't have immediate responsibilities), I don't cost them maternity leave because I'm not eligible for such, and I can't think how I'd bring a discrimination case (or whether it would even occur to them that I could). No solicitor would touch it, they'd think I was a fantasist, unless the panel said in the interview 'we aren't employing you because you're pregnant' and I managed to get that on tape! He he ....Even then.....

The start date is the issue they may well choose to turn me down on, even if it isn't important - but that will be because/if they prefer another candidate: there can always be a reason to reject people if you want to find one and in paper that's a perfectly legitimate reason. Ultimately I reckon it will be a pretty even playing field in some respects and they may just take to someone else. There's not a thing I can do about that.

At the moment I'm leaning towards just showing up. I'm reluctant to email because then I imagine the odds stacked against me before they even meet me. There may well then be conversations in advance about whether they want someone fresh from having a baby etc (do you think she can cope, I felt like crap 3 months after etc) - they won't have time to do that if they see it on the day until they've judged my work and my contribution/potential (then they can dump me - he he).

Ultimately, all I'm asking for is a three month extension: if they can't give it, they can't give it. And by going to the interview at least I've met people and had a good chat about my work. Rather than being politely told that the start date is immovable and there's no other point showing up. I don't know them, as I said, so I cannot judge or predict their reactions. It's a large panel of very clever people - half women - many of whom may have faced the same issues and all of whom - I am sure - will appreciate the difficulty of my situation, even if they may have different views on how I should handle it. I wonder whether there is a 'right' way of doing this - i will probably feel I did the wrong thing, whatever I do.

What is the notice period on your current job? Can you ring or email HR and say that you are accepting the interview but have a reservation about the start date. You can then go on to explain that you have to give X amount of notice (and as a PP says, three months is quite realistic) and due to your pregnancy, you won't be in a position to begin until the start of January.

They cannot legally then turn round and withdraw the interview because of your pregnancy but it does give them the heads up for when you arrive. I would then reiterate about starting in January and explain your DH is taking shared parental leave from that date to show them that you are serious about the date.

Good luck.

You need to tell them in advance. It's quite a vital piece of information and there would probably be good reasons why they want the candidate to start in October.

I think I would have something prepared for the 'do you have any questions part' (I would ask my questions of them, and then I would say I plan to go on maternity leave on x date and for my partner to take shared parental leave from y date, therefore if I was successful I would be available from y date.' I think your proposal is very manageable, actually easier than if you were earlier in your pregnancy.

Seriously, just show up. Don't email.

Believe me, if you say that your pregnant before the interview you have pretty much no chance, no matter what you say regarding leave etc. They'll just pick someone more convenient a man

At least if they meet you and see how brilliant you are they might give you a shot.

Fingers crossed!

Of course they can't rescind the interview but they can certainly change the dynamic I. E. Important person who works on this project is unavailable, but that doesn't matter because you won't be working here anyways!

Unfortunately, not in a job: just finished a short term contract and wasn't expecting anything to come up to be honest. Good idea though! Dammit.

I agree Xmas - you're absolutely right - it is an important piece of info, and it may well cost me the job, but I'd rather interview first. I know the kind of role well and there aren't apparent immovable reasons why October would be an absolute deal breaker. I'm second guessing it, I know, but it's based on info and experience as well as their own job description. They're also interviewing on very short notice for an October start date when it's not a role that needs filling (it's not a vacancy made by someone leaving) if you see what I mean.
Neon - yes, and maybe I can use that to respond to the above. I could suggest starting work in a couple of weeks, get my head around the role etc, rather than saying I wouldn't start at all until Jan. Good point! Aha!
Thanks for all the suggestions! I'll mull it over this weekend.
Part of me is so chuffed, part of me is dreading.... I do put a lot of work into interview prep and I hate feeling it's all wasted time and effort. Excited about meeting new people though and - as I said - talking about my work. It's a real boost when someone considers you up to a role that you want to be up to!

I think I agree oldlaundbooth! Cross posted!!!

Apart from the seeing how brilliant I am bit.... inevitably it'll go to someone they're familiar with (completely natural) but I might be able to establish some connections that will work for me one day....

No advice but rooting for you OP!

I think i would show up and interview but make sure he issue of the pregnancy is addressed in the interview. So: "you can see I'm pregnant. If offered this role, I would be able to start at the beginning of January. My partner is taking parental leave and childcare is all in place."

Thanks Lazy!

I went to an interview when I was heavily pregnant with DC2. I didn't mention anything prior to going, but at the end when they asked if I had any other questions I just mentioned that they would have obviously seen that I was pregnant and how long I was planning to take off. They told me it would have no bearing on the application, and I did actually believe them in that case. I didn't get the job in the end but I received some good feedback.

I interviewed at 30 weeks pregnant and just raised it at the very end in the "any questions" bit. I told them I just wanted to let them know how I would see it working. I got the job! I start on Monday when I'll be 36 weeks pregnant. It's not ideal, I feel exhausted like I should be starting maternity leave, not starting a new job. But you can't let a dream job opportunity pass you by. The interview panel gave me feedback saying they were impressed at my drive and determination and respected me for applying when pregnant

OK. I’m updating this in light of experience just in case anyone else picks up on this.

It was absolutely right that the pregnancy didn’t matter (and to feel that it didn’t) - but I wish I’d thought more about how I would need to be accommodated. To that effect, it may have been better to mention it before the interview.

It was a very long day, including lunch etc and I was last for the presentation and second last for interview. I just about managed to get through the presentation but I was very tired (and had been up since 3am and not very well - because that’s what is happening to me at the moment) and knew I performed badly: my communication was poor, answers indirect….my brain just wasn’t working and I was exhausted.

Unfortunately the feedback was this: I was second choice but poor performance at interview cost me the job. I’m so annoyed at myself for not giving it my best shot by recognising my limitations. All I would have needed to have done was to ask to switch positions and be seen earlier in the day. Because I was gung-ho - "my pregnancy doesn’t matter" - I didn’t even think about doing that or how I would feel during the day. Idiot.

[And getting rejected with full pregnancy hormones in play, especially when so much of it seems to be my fault, is not fun either.]

So there we are. I doubt I will ever have an interview again in the 3rd trimester. But hopefully someone will make use of the experience.

Hi OP, I'm sorry you didn't get the job. Thank you for telling us what happened. I'm sure other women will find it invaluable advice (I do).