20 weeks surgical termination. Can anyone help me understand?

[Kalipup]

Hi. I'm very new to mumsnet but am desperate for some advice. Yesterday I was given the devastating news at my 20 week scan that my baby has a gap at the top and bottom of its spinal chord. The doctor has told us that the level of brain and spinal abnormalities would mean that the baby would probably not make it full term and even if it did would not be compatible with life. We have been advised to have a surgical termination. My wife and I (same sex marriage) are devastated, especially as this was an ivf baby and my first pregnancy after a long struggle. I am waiting for an appointment for a more in depth scan but this isn't until Friday morning when the doctor expects it to confirm what she already suspects. To complicate matters more I also have a low lying placenta which is why a surgical termination is necessary. My question is has anyone else been in this situation? And what will the termination entail due to my low lying placenta? I've read online that the surgical termination procedure involves forceps but will this be possible if my placenta is blocking the exit? Thank you in advance for any responses. I feel very lost at the moment.

I am currently sitting at a BPAS clinic in London recovering from a TFMR which I had at 16 weeks. I had to be referred through the hospital which did take some time.

I'm pretty sure they can offer surgical removal up to 24 weeks. The surgery itself was very straight forward. It was called dilation and evacuation. I had to insert two misoprostrol tablets into my vagina abs wait for three hours. This softens the cervix and allows them to dilate the cervix and the baby is then. sucked out (sorry to be graphic but that's how they explained it).

I'm so so sorry you have received this news. My baby had Edwards Syndrome which was a chromosomal condition incompatible with life. I made the right decision for me.

Massive hugs to you. It took me two weeks to get my head around it so if you've only just received this news please give yourself time to absorb it and don't get rushed into anything 💐💐💐💐

I'm so, so sorry for what you are going through.

I found myself in a very similar situation a couple of years ago, and also ended up having a surgical procedure, although I didn't have placenta previa.

I was told by the hospital that only a few of their consultants are able to carry out the procedure after 16 weeks, so I would imagine it is highly likely that you'll get a skilled consultant doing this, and therefore will be in good hands.

Have you been appointed a bereavement midwife? If so, it would be worth asking her if you can get the name of the consultant and also have a meeting with them or the surgeon beforehand to find out more about the procedure.

They talked me through it all on the morning, but my head was such a blurred mess by then that I didn't really take it all in.

I would also highly recommend speaking to the charity ARC - www.arc-uk.org/

They have amazing people who provide information by phone, and can also add you onto their closed forum board, so you can speak to other people who have been through it, and will be able to answer some of your questions.

The one thing that no one warned about was that my milk would come in after the procedure. It was about 3 or 4 days later and was totally horrific, so I would also be prepared for that, and speak to the hospital about getting a prescription for Bromocriptine, which will help stop it.

Please feel free to PM me if you want to

Wishing you all the strength for the coming days, weeks and months

I'm sorry, I don't have any advice for you but I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and your wife at this awful time. I hope someone is along shortly to offer you the answers you need.

No advice but didnt want to read and run.

I'm sorry you're going through this, be kind to yourselves and lean on eachother for support when you need it.

I've no advice either op but I wanted to offer support. Our baby had a spina bifida diagnoses at 20 weeks last year , however we were advised that the labour and delivery option was best as I'd given birth before.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Thank you all for your kind words of advice and support. It is a real comfort to know that other people have been through similar experiences. The past 24 hours have been difficult but it has allowed me to come to terms with the inevitable and I have all my questions prepared to ask the consultant at my appointment tomorrow morning. The most difficult aspect of this for me is the overwhelming desire to protect my baby knowing that there is no hope. I'm trying to be sensible and rational about the situation and I appreciate your kindness. I hope I can find the strength to get through these difficult times ahead.

As long as you and your wife look after each other you'll be fine. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and you'll find your new "normal" together.

You'll most likely be advised to take 5mg of folic acid going forward and that'll be prescribed for you.

At the moment you're obviously scared and heartbroken but you will smile and laugh together again as you process what's happened to your baby.

Take care

I don't know much about the procedure and don't have any advice, but I just want to say how sorry I am for you and your wife. I can't imagine what you are going through right now and I wish you lots of love and strength over the coming months x x x

So sorry to hear what you're going through. Wishing you strength and love.