Just found out at 11 weeks that 3rd pregnancy is twins & I'm freaking out!

[teaandchocolate]

I have 2 dcs (3 & 7) already and we dithered about trying for a 3rd for ages as DH wasn't keen and my dd has got SEN and he was worried another child would also have additional needs and he wasn't sure if we could cope.
We eventually decided to try for a third as I'm getting on (38 soon) and it happened relatively quickly. I've been feeling absolutely terrible and had a reassurance scan at 7 weeks when they said all ok and definitely only 1 baby.
However, a few days ago we went for a private 12 week scan and she said that its twins! We were both totally floored by this news, completely shocked especially as we'd been assured there was just 1, and we are really upset.
I am so worried about how we will cope financially as well as practically - with the house, needing a new car etc. My DH isn't coping well at all and is really worried that we aren't cut out for this and what if both twins have special needs. I know that this is something we should have thought about before trying but I literally never expected to have 4 children and had just got my head around 3 being a good idea.
We are vaguely considering termination although my gut tells me I couldn't do it at this stage, especially as I do want 3 and we wouldn't do selective reduction even if it was an option.
My DH says it is my choice and hasn't pushed for a termination by any means. Even my mum who has been more supportive than I expected is really worrying about this especially about my health and whether the babies would be ok/have difficulties.
I am worried how I will manage pregnancy and the risks of a twin pregnancy and premature birth. Also very stressed about having/feeding 2 and day to day life with 4. I feel terrible that I've let my existing children down and potentially ruined their lovely life.
I obviously only now have a small window to consider termination, even thought I don't think I could go through with it.
Does anyone have any advice? Has anyone been in the same situation?! Feel like I'm losing my mind!!
So sorry for the long post!!

I don't have any personal experience as I'm only pregnant with my 1st atm but my mil found out she was having twins with her 4th pregnancy after a child with dyspraxia and 2 very energetic toddlers (the eldest being my DH). If i were you I'd get them to double check that it is twins, but its not unlikely that they missed it at 7 weeks as it's still pretty early. In my 12 week one I made the midwife check 3 times for me because we have a huge history of multiples on both sides, and I wouldn't have mentally been ready for triplets. Turned out to just be 1 for me but I know there was that huge chance of it being 2 or more. That's the beauty of private scans; you don't have to wait.

I'd also suggest talking to your midwife about it, or your Dr if midwife is unavailable as she should help to answer any concerns and help put you at ease. They really don't mind at all.
Hope everything goes well for you, and remember that you're not a bad mother and you've not let your children down. You may end up with two of the easiest kids in the world once they're born!

Thank you for replying to me. It is definitely twins - I could see myself two separate babies wriggling about. I hope there's not any more there!

Both the scans I had were private. I am actually quite shocked that they didn't' spot it at 7 weeks as surely its a pretty fundamental aspect?!

I've made an appointment to see the midwife as I need to be referred to the multiples clinic. I just didn't want to see her if I was going to terminate. Its just so hard to get my head around being a mum of 4! I never saw myself like that!

I have no personal experience but I'm a nanny and my employers had exactly the same. They had two DC 2 and 3 and then got pregnant with twins. No idea if the pregnancy was planned or not. She said it was a total shock. Fortunately the babies were a good weight when they born and could feed straight away so no problems there but I know she found it very tiring at first as she EBF'd. I know that there was resentment from the other DC, especially the youngest and this was still evident when I started my job when the twins were 9 months old. It has definitely improved and the older DC adore their siblings and trying to encourage them to play.

I would join the multiples group on mumsnet and maybe look for a local twin/multiples group where you can talk to people who have done it.

Not sure that was much help but I hope you get a chance to have a good chat to someone who has had twins after other DC

Thanks Cakesandphotos - how old was the other child when the twins came along? I know I'm going to have to make a lot of effort to make sure that the other 2 don't feel resentful although I think that's also the case with just 1 baby.

I agree I will join multiples groups once I've got the downs screening test back. Might post this message on the mumsnet multiples topic as there are probably people with more experience of this!

I've got twins.
Twins are a risk in any pregnancy surely you knew it could be possible.
Get a trainee nursery nurse from local college. Get a local teen who will help out for some extra cash. Good luck

2014newme obviously I knew it was possible but as I have polycystic ovaries and a history of infertility and miscarriage it was literally the last thing on my mind! Feeling much better about it today though starting to feel more positive and 'lucky'.

Good idea about colleges thanks

The trainee nursery nurse is a godsend I lid you not. I cried when mine finished her placement with me.

The think the boys were 2 and 3 so it was suddenly 4 kids under 4. I think you're right, older siblings can be resentful regardless. I think she just found because twins take up a lot more time than a single that it was even more important to make the DCs feel part of it all