Baby shower issue

[princesssparkle9985]

I'm very lucky to have such lovely friends so this is certainly a first world problem but am getting increasingly stressed about it and would welcome some other opinions. Three of my close friends who aren't close friends with each other (two are and the third lady is a different group) are organising a baby shower for me. I didn't really want one but agreed because they were so enthusiastic and being kind. The details are v too secret, I am guessing it's maybe an afternoon tea in a hotel. I'm a bit of a control freak so conscious of not being bossy, I don't like not knowing the details! Anyway, the issue that I am looking for advice on is this- is it fair to invite people to a baby shower where there is an expected cost? I asked my friends to just use my house and make sure there's no cost or hassle for people but it's at some venue and there is a cost per person. I think you really can't do that, it's rude! I'm trying to get them to agree that I'll pay for any cost which I don't mind doing and can afford but they're saying it's fine and one of the girls even said guests would be offended if their costs was paid for. It came up because I checked in and then when I asked how much are we talking about, they said 20-25 per person which makes me think afternoon tea. What would you do??

I'd just tell them no, in the nicest way possible.
This is why I've got one sensible friend I'm very close to having final veto on everything, despite what my other friend thinks I will want.

Thank you, I should have solidified veto rights at the start! I've sent them a very nice but clear message this evening so hopefully sorted.

I agree with you. Baby showers should be low key in someone's home.

I'd have vetoed any kind of venue where guests had to pay, especially as they'll be bringing gifts!

Hope you get sorted! If they get huffy about it and just don't listen to you they clearly aren't focussing on you!

I personally think baby showers are horrible, I think they look grabby and I would rather people came to visit the baby with a gift rather than look at me looking like a whale.

I agree with you OP. I didn't want a baby shower but someone insisted organising one and it was at a venue. They wouldn't let me pay for my own costs, they split it between the guests only. I felt terrible and it must have been so expensive for the guests. I wish I had been firmer with the organiser as I think it worked out to be very expensive for people. The whole afternoon was very cringe and I hated it if I'm honest, felt like a show pony with everyone watching me. They seem to be an American fad that is sadly becoming the norm over here too.

Please keep in mind that if your friend is trying to be kind and thoughtful, she would respect your wishes. If she is insisting on doing this against your wishes, then she is not doing this out of kindness but because she wants to do it i.e. Putting her wants above yours.

If I were you I would be firm with the friend and put your foot down before she makes any non-refundable bookings.

Poor you, sounds like bridesmaids competing for top position all over again! I remember feeling like I was talking to a brick wall when saying " I need to know because you're asking x,y and z across the country for x amount of cost and they have dc's to consider".

I would quite seriously consider speaking to all three in person (seems the only way they can't fob you off) and saying they either accept your payment or cancel the venue and use your house. Why do people make these events about themselves.... can you tell I'm bitter!

You're not the host, so you don't really get a say.

But you should try, and I agree to all three of them. However, if this is how they - the hosts - want to arrange things and they've made sure those they have invited are happy with it, then you only have the nuclear option of not attending. Which is really inadvisable

It doesn't matter who's hosting it, it's supposed to be about op and her dc and her wishes should be taken into account!