Angry with in laws telling people I'm pregnant

[Losgann]

Background to this is it's taken us a really long time to conceive, I am finally pregnant with our first baby following ICSI. I am only 10 weeks pregnant currently. We told our parents we were going through IVF so naturally when I got pregnant we broke the news early and swore them to secrecy till 12 weeks.

I came home today to find a card from their friends saying 'you're going to be great parents!'

I am so angry, this is such a precious pregnancy to me, it feels like a miracle to finally be pregnant and I'm terrified something will go wrong. My husband and I haven't told anyone else yet because we wanted to wait. Am I being a bit over sensitive?? I feel like having a go at them to be honest!

Congratulations on your pregnancy

I can completely see where you're coming from. When I fell pregnant we didn't tell anyone till the twelve week scan as I absolutely knew our parents wouldn't be able to keep it quiet as they'd be so thrilled.

I'd had miscarriages and spent the pregnancy expecting the worst. Was the most stressful nine months of my life.

I think cut them some slack, don't tell them anything you want kept quiet in future as you know they can't keep a secret.

I don't think there's anything constructive to be achieved from losing it with them now. Try and step back and go low contact for a bit till you're calmer.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I can understand why you feel sensitive although I think I became so used to my mum telling my entire family everything that I've become a little desensitised. I would recommend you don't tell anyone when you go into labour or hospital, if you want to be the first to announce your baby's birth.

Congratulations!

Remember they are excited just as you are. Cut them some slack and tbh if you don't want anyone to know something you should keep the news to yourself in the future.

Congratulations and I totally understand why you are not happy.

Fwiw I live by this- don't tell someone something you don't want repeated as no one can keep your secret except you.

Firstly, congratulations.

Secondly, I think you're right to be miffed. My MIL couldn't keep her mouth shut, despite us specifically telling her not to tell a soul.

Live and learn and don't tell her anything you don't want anyone else to hear again.

Stressing out is the last thing you need. I completely understand the feeling of expecting the worst and wanting to keep a low profile until you have as much assurance as possible that the pregnancy is likely to progress well.

However, parents and pils will be (in most cases) over the moon for you and whilst I know you're feeling miffed and have every right to be, just remember your pils won't have shared your precious news to spite you or be nasty, more that they're so excited and happy for you that they couldn't contain themselves.

I'd ask your OH to have a word and explain how much it's upset you rather than upsetting yourself more by confronting them, but I would also be really upset an annoyed in your situation. They need to know that you both won't trust them with things like this in the future.

Huge congratulations!!

We told my parents and DP's partners the day we found out (we were moving house so kind of had to as I couldn't lift anything).
They were sworn to secrecy but within days his parents had literally told every friend, relative and in fact the entire village where they live!
They're really nice people and were just ridiculously overexcited.

Thanks everyone. Now I've gone and told all of Mumsnet

I think I'm mostly annoyed because this just smacks of my father in law telling people because he always thinks his way is right and never mind what other people think or want.

I won't have a go, but I might ask my husband to remind them what we said...and I definitely won't be telling them when I go into labour!

I know it is upsetting...1st time, we told our parents at 6 weeks and my dad couldn't help but tell friends and family. I then had a MMC at 12 weeks scan and it hurt that so many people knew...

2nd pregnancy, we kept it a secret from everyone till 14 weeks and also I didn't tell anyone when we knew about the planned induction date. Just announced birth the day after :)

This time I'm doing the same...secrets haha

I would be annoyed as well to be fair. You told them in confidence and they should have respected it.

Congratulations! They have helped you in a way, as you now know that you cannot share anything with them without the world and his wife finding out. They are fools that will now miss out on all the fun. Don't share anything about your pregnancy with them. No details whatsoever. Especially names. Announce the birth a week after the event.

I'd be annoyed too OP. My sister-in-law told my DH's ex and a bunch of their mutual friends (me and ex + friends get on well) and I was really upset when I found out as I felt like I'd been robbed of telling people myself. (That and we also had potential health issues identified at the 12 week scan so deliberately weren't telling anyone other than family, which in-laws knew). MiL also struggles to keep news to herself so I really empathise! Xx

I agree with Toads. Keep as much as possible to yourself. My DM told her friends things about my first pregnancy when I specifically asked her not to then would ring me and tell me what they said in response. This time I have been as vague as possible and have made DP promise not to contact anyone until baby is actually here. We have chosen a name but DM thinks we are waiting to decide when baby comes. She asked me what kind of birth I was hoping to have. My answer was ' I will see how it goes'

Hooray, what lovely news about the pregnancy not the in-laws.

Now you know this about your in-laws then you are now forewarned that all other information you give them will probably be shared even if you ask them not too.

Just don't share anything (due date, scan dates, any health details, birth details, name choices) unless you are absolutely ready for people to know. Talk to dh about how you feel and what you are agreeing to be vague about.

My granny is just like this. When I phoned her about dc1 she said she had to get off the phone quick so she could be the one to tell everyone! I now tell all the people I want to and then call her and she does all the rest.

Congratulations

I'd be fuming OP. We told our parents when we found out (at 5 weeks) but no one else. We asked them to keep it to themselves (we are 'older parents, would've considered our options etc if testing had shown anything abnormal) and they did. When we had good results we then told siblings etc. Only after the 20 week scan did we tell anyone else. If things had gone wrong at all, the fewer people knowing the better for me. Congrats though! What's done is done. Enjoy your pregnancy

I don't mean to sound rude but get used to this. I've learned the hard way that excited family members are the most annoying. Don't give them anything. The thing that annoys me the most lately is people and their opinions on baby names and trying to force names and stuff on me. Keep things to yourself and try not to feel too overwhelmed