Anyone else get scared how baby may affect relationship?

[Jellybabie3]

So i am 36+4 and now on mat leave. I also very recently got married after being with DH for a long long time (>decade). We live together and are very happy about our soon to be DS. DH adores our bump, cuddling it, kissing it etc. I think after a bad day at work baby is literally the only thing that can cheer him up! I guess i am now sat here with too much time, pondering how our relationship will change and wondered if others got the jitters a bit. Its so wierd seeing DH go off to work everyday while i stay here and quite odd to think it will be like this for a year....

I get worried about it too Jelly - my DH is exactly the same with bump ❤️
Sometimes I worry DH thinks DS will just slot into our current lives, and I have to keep reminding him how everything will change. I expect our relationship to change, I just can't imagine how!

Yeah same here. I am really happy. Just wary i guess. I know its gonna be hard for us all to adjust when he arrives i just dont want the strain to break us. I know i will do what i can to stay calm and take what pressure i can off DH as he will be working but i know there will be days when i am literally tearing my hair out and he comes home to chaos and hormones. I guess there's no way of predicting how things will go!

I take it this is your first baby? I will say that having a baby is (or was for me at least!) a massive shock to the system in the way that it completely changes your life and focus. I found it a major culture shock and missed mine and DHs time together alone. Also there was the sleep deprivation that meant that we snapped at each other and argued over ridiculous things. However, we're nearly into our 3rd and life is completely different but we're used to it now and I wouldn't change it for the world. Sleepless nights (the horrendous newborn ones) don't last long and you start to get used to the new family dynamic. I love watching DH with the children and also my children with each other. Life is so so different now. We can just pop out for a meal one evening together or to the cinema so we make time for each other in other ways. Date nights at home when the kids are in bed etc. It's a whole new stage of your life you're about to enter and it's very exciting! I will say that they're very portable when they're little so make sure you still enjoy weekends away and hols etc before they're running around. Congrats

PS with regards to expecting it to be messy for a couple of years - it'll be tidy while they can't move and then it's down hill until they move out i'm afraid 😂😂😂 but soooooo worth it

I think the main thing is to remember that you will both be extremely stressed and tired after the baby is born and not to hold each other to honeymoon level standards of behaviour - you will both snap and say horrible things you don't mean and its best not to acknowledge it.

We've agreed not to take anything said between midnight and 5am seriously! There will be sleep deprived snapping, and we want to try and prevent this snowballing into a bigger issue during the day.

having a baby has put massive pressure on my relationship. everything is fine but all the same it's been hard and it's really important to keep a sense of humour. late nights, disagreements on how we look after him, division of labour, division of money. so many things i naively thought we had down have had to evolve because of this massive extra 'burden' and there has been a lot of compromise and sometimes it's been through gritted teeth for the sake of our son.

our baby wasn't planned though and we haven't been together anywhere near as long as you have. i don't mean to be a doom harbinger , my relationship is quite uniquely complex due to some of our circumstances.. but I wish i had been more prepared! i have found it very difficult to adjust to being at home/not working/trying not to feel like the maid and I did not expect this! i thought I had well had enough of work and off I skipped, but being dependent on someone else... it's hard. you should be a lot surer of that person than I am of my partner!

but like i say, we are fine I think.... adjusting. and we love the baby and have no regrets.

none of that is supposed to be stricken through!

i was soooo blasé so the fact that you are already so much more aware will most certainly mean you are already better placed.

I am very worried about this too. DH and I have been together 14 years, married for 4, and I couldn't wish for a better partner. I have found pregnancy has made me incredibly anxious/stressed and because of this I feel that I have already been neglecting DH and our relationship terribly (he has been very kind and supportive throughout) and I'm so worried that this will only get worse once the baby is here. I know that of course things will change/we will be tired and grumpy at times(!) and that's ok, but I want to make sure I find some time for him/us amongst the chaos. Any tips on how to do this gratefully received!!

First baby for me and husband was quite difficult, we were very young though and fell pregnant 10 months into the relationship.

2nd baby just slotted right in, we worked as a team this time round and I actually feel it brought us closer together.

Will see how 3rd goes aha!!

Good luck op, use will be fine. Try get some 'together' time as well.

I was worried about this too, it'd been me and DH for about 14 years when I got pregnant (planned!) and we were best friends.

There has of course been overnight snappiness and sleep deprived arguments but not many. If you plan to bf then night feeds are pretty much down to you but if you and your DH can find a way for him to help then he'll feel useful. Mine knew when I needed a 3am cup of tea and jelly babies!

As cheesy as it sounds, I fell in love with him all over again watching him become a father to our beautiful baby.

cautious i get what you mean. When we found out we were pregnant DH seemed scared and quiet (normal i am sure) but my god he has fallen in love with our little boy and seeing it happen has made me love him even more. We got married only a little while ago because we had put it off for too long and it seemed 'the right thing to do' for our boy (i appreciate its not necessary!) Things have been so good i just hope it continues. I just know that its going to be stressfull, things will get neglected (eg. Sex) and things will be said in the heat of the moment. All the while i dont want to be sat here worrying about something that may not ever be something to worry about. I will be bf but hoping DH can bottle feed expressed milk too. I guess i will try and bring up my concerns as a conversation before he arrives but like others have said - any pointers how to keep things going would be much appreciated!!