20 weeks and really struggling

[Hobbitsy]

Hi all

I wonder if anyone has any wise words for me. I'm 20 weeks pregnant, and I'm not excited. I haven't really been properly excited at all... it was a planned baby, but there is a big difference between trying for a baby and actually being pregnant! I feel huge and fat... I don't mind the bump s much but despite the efforts to stay slim and not eat too much cake I'm sure my backside is expanding. My husband is deployed at the moment and may or may jot be back for the birth. I felt my baby move for the first time last night and I'm just freaked out. I feel like I've been invaded by an alien who had taken my body and made it look hideous, who I have to give birth to and I'm terrified about the birth and the aftermath. Them they will take over my life and change is in ways I can't even imagine. It's a terrible thing to say but I wish I would miscrry and all the anxiety would go away but I think my hUsband would be upset. I would about the effect a baby will have on my marriage, whether I'll hate it and resent them. I feel so powerless and it of control and ugly and fat and frightened and there's nothing I can do.... am I only person who feels this way?

No, you're not the only person to feel this way.

But I think you should go to speak to (a sympathetic) gp. They should be able to refer you to talk it through, especially if it's been going on for a while.

Hi, I'm sorry your feeling like this. Pregnancy is hard - massive changes going on & of course your feeling overwhelmed - it's a massive thing.

Firstly, this may just be a temporary feeling. Pregnancy ( and motherhood) isn't all cupcakes and roses all the time, despite what we are sometimes led to believe. It might be that next week your feeling more energetic, less apprehensive about things.

Secondly, it might not just a temporary blip, don't know if you e heard of pre natal depression? ( don't go crazy doing a doctor google on this ) but if these feelings are getting on top of you - speak to your midwife about it ( if you don't have an appt coming up soon you can phone her and she'll be able to see you earlier if you explain why).

(Also I think what your feeling is really common - especially it feeling wierd when the baby moves & your body is growing very quickly. I bet other people think you look glowing even if u don't feel it)

Thank you :) I am being looked after by the mental health specialist and I have been referred for counselling through a third party. I'm not sleeping which doesn't help and I think an empty bank holiday Monday didn't help either!! My depression scores were low and anxiety scores are high but they will be monitored when I start the counselling. I had a proper crying session afte my anomalie scan and I think if I'm not feeling better by Wednesday (which me gives me a week post scan ) I'll try and make an appointment with the mental health person herself.

If it helps, with my son I had terrible pre-natal depression. You won't be the only person to feel this way. As soon as he was born I loved him with even part of me and have never resented him like I thought I would. I still had post-natal too but that was swiftly sorted by medication. I was on anti-depressanta for a short while and then they realised my thyroid was out of whack. So once I got the right meds I felt much better.
It's good that you've seeked helped. That's the a brilliant step. It's very daunting prospect having a child especially when your DH isn't by your side through out. Don't be so hard on yourself and take one day at a time.

Yeah.... I'm hoping that if I am depressed it gets picked up... It's clear I'm suffering from anxiety but for me depression is harder to pinpoint, especially since being tired and hungry and being a bit of a hermit and irritable can just be pregnancy ick. I really hope I love my little one and my husband and I survive all of this!

Anxiety is an awful thing to suffer with and even though I'm a lot better it does still creep up every now and again. You're only human. I hope you can get through this. Do you have family around you?