AIBU - Was hoping for more support from Grandparents to be (Long Post!)

[Cloudwalk]

Evening all!

We (hbnd & 1) would really appreciate some thoughts and stories.

My husband and I are 29 and 8 weeks pregnant, together 6 years, married 1 year with a house we own, a car, two dogs and strong relationship. We decided we wanted to tell my parents as if something went wrong, we would want some support. That and the fact its hard to lie about why I am not indulging in a glass of wine.

2 weeks into the pregnancy I was made redundant unexpectedly. I have 4 interviews next week and I am confident I will get a good job. My husband has a safe good job. We are due to start a 12 week house renovation in November in preparation for baby.

Today we told my parents. With a small card and a book they would hopefully one day be able to read to our little one. It is also my birthday today. When the presents and card were opened, it was met with shock. Sheer shock. And 'you have to be joking'.

My father then spent the majority of the day in silence after saying 'Look what you have got yourself into now.' We went for a walk, and conversation was limited and awkward, more so than usual. Him and my mum spoke quietly several times together. After lunch they spent time elsewhere in the house, doing the washing up or washing laundry. In the end my husband and I left as we didn't know what else to do. When we left we had another awkward hug and what felt by then like very insincere congratulations. They didn't even ask when we are due.

AIBU to have expected more support, excitement, or even engagement with what we told them and some questions? How long do you think the shock will last?

What did other people experience? How did it go for you?

Bit of a strange reaction, after all you're 29 not 17/18!?

Have they always had the habit of making things about them or you feeling like you have to seek their approval on things?

Either way don't let it bring you down and ruin your happiness!

I didn't tell my Mum until I was 18 weeks and she said she already knew anyway, no big reveal but that was my decision!

I told my mum recently and she said "what the bloody hell have you done that for"
I'm 33, with a long term partner, house, dogs etc... However dad was much happier about it. I think sometimes they can't help see you as their child, and any age is too young?

They'll probably get used to the idea and be much more excited by the time the baby comes

Congratulations Same reaction here, mum wondered why id bothered with a three hour drive to tell her in person.

Dh dad uttered a solitary swear word and started drinking.

Dh mum, was too young to be a grandma.

Had job, house, life stuff sorted and had never given them a moments bother - some people dont react well to news!

My PIL had similar reaction. I wasn't there when they were told but dp told me that his mum was 'in pieces' and his dad never spoke to him for 2 days. He was 37 and I 31 at the time. They are in their late 70s and 80s and Catholic so I understand their initial reaction. (His mum actually thought we slept in separate bedrooms when he stayed over at mine at weekends) but still I thought to myself that it was a bit ott given we are both adults.
They soon got over it though and just adore their little dgs.

My mum had a similar reaction. I lived abroad so was via phone but she literally went silent. I was 28, owned my own house, good job etc as well! To this day I have no idea why.

DC1 is now 10 and adored by them. I can't explain it but just give them time.
Congratulations and good luck with job hunt!

I was in a similar situation to you but married for 3 years when I told my parents I was expecting. My mother asked if I was "going to get rid of it?" Happily, my in-laws were thrilled to bits. Sadly, things didn't improve with my parents and several years in, we're n\c 😢

Is it because of the finances maybe? Perhaps they haven't quite understood timing and think you got pregnant after redundancy or something? It is a v odd reaction.

Can you ask them? Call them in a day or two and ask why they seem unhappy?

Hi everyone,

Wow thank you for your replies.

Snoopyokay - I was an only child and unplanned. So wonder if there might be something left over from that? I have always had a tough level of expectation to live up to I suppose, but haven't really had much to compare it too if I am honest.

WineAndTiramisu - Exactly! Something is making me wonder if they are not seeing me as a 29yr old married woman. Good thinking.

Timeforabiscuit - Thank you :) Wow looks like you had a rough ride too.

Hairgician and SenoritaViva - Thanks for sharing - so good to hear they love them to bits!

funmummy48 - Oh my and still not speaking? Honestly, my natural protective reaction last night was to not be near people that are not positive and on board.

WorkingBling - Really really interesting point. I think your advice is perfect. I think we all need a few days off and then another, honest chat. Ironically, I almost think if they had asked the questions, such as the financial situation if it is a concern of theirs, we could have spared all the worry as we have the answers!!!! (this was a planned pgncy after all). We have been saving for months :)

Again thank you all for sharing. Will keep you posted and see how we go. Fingers crossed as we really hope they get on board, it will be their first and only chance of grandchildren as I am an only child!

XXX

OMG... Perhaps they were projecting their own feeling from the time they found out you were on the way. Generally bizarre unless they don't approve of your husband or something along those lines.

I hope they'll sort themselves out soon ;)

When I told my father that I was pregnant with DS2, following divorce from XH and entering new relationship with DS2's father (now my husband of 23 years), he said "all you do is stagger from crisis to crisis. I suppose you'll be expecting to come and live here." Er, no, I live in my own house, 100 miles away with DS1 and baby's father .

Yesterday, DS1 and DDiL took me out to lunch and told me they are expecting their first baby. My reaction was unadulterated joy and excitement. I was quite overcome.

I suggest you nip this in the bud and have a forthright, open conversation with your parents about their attitude. They need telling.

Congratulations.

We have been together 11 years, married 1 and lived together nearly 7. When we told his parents the first first we got asked was: was it an accident. I was mortified and don't think I'll ever get over it. What a question. I'll add we are 29 and 35!