Visitors after the birth - opinions please

[Hannabee123]

Hi everyone

I was just wondering about thoughts / experiences about having visitors after the birth. This is going to be my first and I have a very possessive and controlling mother in law.. I am thinking about not having visitors whilst in hospital and trying to limit them once I am home. I partly feel like I am being unfair though and don't really want any hassle.

Did you ladies encourage or avoid alot of visitors after you gave birth?

I think wait and see what happens. I'm glad I just had my mum and partner ther. You can dictate if you've had the baby, go with what you want at the time don't make plans xxx

My SIL said no one at the hospital, but then was in for over a week due to unforeseen complications. She was so bored she was practically begging everyone to come in. I liked people visiting, it is such a special time and so so lovely to see how excited everyone is!

Decide after baby is born BUT make sure you and DH agree you will agree decision together. Also depending on what your families/friends Are like, you may want to have all tea/coffee stuff on view in kitchen and tell them they'll be making their own/ one for you etc if you think you may be expected/orare too tired to wait on visitors. Be in charge tell them when you need them to go when they arrive if they are likely to outstay their welcome. Hopefully everyone will be fine

Bear in mind you may end up with a c-section - for the first 24 hours, I was wearing the gown I had surgery in, and nothing else. HCP's were checking and changing pads for me - at one stage they were concerned about discharge (false alarm, thankfully) which meant that I had a range of medics examining me, with little dignity. We had no visitors for a week (distance helped for us; my parents certainly didn't expect us to put them up, but live 250 miles away), and that worked well for us.

When my brother in law and his wife had their first baby a few years ago they didn't tell anyone until they were ready to have visitors. At the time my mother in law was so upset and annoyed and I really felt for her, I couldn't understand why they didn't tell anyone. Now that I'm married to her other son, I can 100% see why they didn't tell her. She is so controlling and overbearing, I'll be keeping it from her for as long as possible if/when our time comes!!

Hospital: don't make any decisions until after the birth. If you have an easy one and feel OK, you may be happy to show off the baby. If things are more difficult, you may not be up to seeing people, nor them seeing you.

Once home, you need the rest of the day you come home to yourselves. Then, again, see how you feel.

Ground rules for visitors: visits will be short and at the convenience of the new parents; absolutely no catering except cups of tea which will not be made by the new mother but will be brought to her; baby will be returned to mother immediately she says so; mother will smile graciously and then ignore all unwanted advice; new father will be alert to mother getting pissed off and bring visit to a close when necessary.

I just had my Mum, Dad, brother and Nan come to visit at the hospital. DH's family all live abroad. I had an straightforward labour and DD was born just after 7am. Visiting didn't start until 2pm, so I had a nice few hours just myself and DH. My Mum was my other birthing partner and left as soon as. Dd was born to give us time just the three of us.

Once I was home though we were inundated with visitors, which was frustrating because I was trying to establish feeding and was really tired

I had a planned c-section so knew the arrival date. We told parents in law they can't visit until the day after as I was worried how I'd feel, that I might be a bit erm bloody etc. Was told the day before the birth that they'd booked the next day off (they could have booked the day we specified, but couldn't now) and would be 'in the area' (they live 1 1/2hrs away) in case dh needed them! I was a bit miffed but couldn't be bothered to argue about it, more important things to worry and be excited about! Dh was not impressed either. In the end it was fine and they did visit in the afternoon of the birth. My dad came the next day. Then we had two days to ourselves. Day 5 sisters in laws visited in hospital, the same day we were discharged (I had complications). Think we then had a couple of days at home before we allowed close family to visit again. I don't think we had any friends or more distant family for at least a month as we didn't want that. I'm one of those people who likes a tidy house for when visitors visit, so I found the whole in-law visits quite annoying, especially when trying to get breast feeding established, but they love dd so I welcomed them. My mil did say things like "I'm making a rod for my own back" and "just put her down" (about her wanting to sleep on me) and hogged dd from the rest of her family and me. Me and dh can laugh about it now though. You and your dh need to have a discussion about what you both want. If people start to argue back then just say 'that is what we're doing' and nothing more.

The day I got back I had ten members of OH's family, including 2 toddlers who smushed chocolate cake into my cream carpet 😭

He didn't see my bitch face and they stayed for 3 hours until I shouted "I NEED A NAP"