Getting sick of people!

[Hannabee123]

So as I find myself feeling like more and more of a moose each day, I find my patience is running out with the people around me!
First thing is everyone buying us baby stuff!!! (When I say everyone I mean my partners family and MIL). I actually feel lost on what to buy for my own child! My uncle has recently had a baby and I arranged to have some unused things from him. Since then I have told everyone to calm down on buying things as I want to be able to keep track of it myself and also have an input. My mother in law is being a complete dick and buying so much stuff. She has bought that many clothes I don't even know what to get myself. She has been arranging bouncers and all kinds of things which I already have!!! So now things are doubling up too and I'm feeling beyond overwhelmed. She has gone as far as to start calling my mother and demanding what she's bought so that she can buy more things!!!
I may sound extremely ungrateful but this is overwhelming me. I have always been independent and bought things I need in life myself. Me and my partner were shopping yesterday and he asked me if I would like to look in the baby section... I went off on one saying that I don't even know where to start because of everyone just getting involved! He has tried to talk to his mother but she is just being awful.
He has said that we can buy things and if people can waste their money if they want to and we will just use what we have bought / asked for. I just find this all so unnecessary!
Another thing is mother in law constantly staring at what I'm wearing and commenting on showing or not and the size of my stomach. Also touching my bump!!

I feel so unbelievably invaded!

Anyone else had this or have any advice? It just sounds like a massive whinge I know but I just want to lock myself away right now

This would do my head in too, I had a similar thing where MIL was asking what we wanted from
Her when I was about 7 weeks. No matter how many times I said I don't know she kept on. I just wanted to get to a 'safe' point. Are you near the end by any chance? As I am 39 weeks and just so fed up I find myself getting irrationally angry over the smallest of things, I do try tell myself people are just wanting to help. I would just in your position every time you are given/bought something just say 'thank you so much but we do already have one of these from XX' and say to MIL that you need to gather what you have and you don't want her to waste money on things you already own.

Hmmm it's a tricky one. You do sound a tad ungrateful but I understand in a way. When I was 12 weeks pregnant my SIL brought round a used Moses basket and I was a bit put out because I was looking forward to buying my own. I said thank you and bought my own anyway.

On the plus side, my baby is 7 months old and I am yet to buy a packet of nappies because of the sheer amount people bought for us so that's saved us a lot of cash.

Babies never have enough clothes, the grow like the clappers so the more the merrier. Whatever you don't use, bag up for baby number 2 and try not to get stressed out. People don't try and piss you off, they are trying to help so just go with the flow. You will be thankful once your baby is born and realise the sheer magnitude of everything that you actually need!

I massively felt like that when I was pregnant. My MIL kept buying stuff that I didn't even know I wanted and it really drove me crazy. My OH said just let her get it and we don't have to use it but I hated that the control was being taken from me.
Fast forward to my baby being 16 weeks old and I feel much calmer about it and try and let her know what we need so that I feel grateful that she's saving us money by buying stuff.
I ended up making a list and getting people to give me anything they'd bought so I could cross it off my list and politely refusing anything I already had. I also focused on buying things that were important to me like her first outfit.
I still find it frustrating tho when I tell MIL I'm planning on buying something that's important to me to get first and she goes and buys it.

Sounds tricky. Have her keep the stuff at her place for when you visit - and get the one you want for yourself. She can't force you to take stuff x

I get the continual, do u have names yet. When we say some suggestions, we get Ohh I don't like that, we'll guess what, no one bar us has a say. My sil kept emailing me stiff off Gumtree etc. But things like highchairs, ffs we haven't even got to 12weeks. And why need a highchair straight off. Then was sending emails for steriliser, cots with mattresses etc. The icing on the cake was 2ndhand bottles and treats. Dp flipped and messaged and said all due respect we will be choosing all our own stuff. And he's also fussy on second hand. ( so far he's agreed to a baby bath lol)
But I totally get where you're coming from. I'm fussy regarding clothes, can't stand garish, colors with prints of characters or anything so I'm dreading the gifts, which is why I don't want a baby shower as rather not have them and feel ungreatful . I know that sounds awful and it's not meant to be. But I'd sooner but our own.

I just feel like things are really out of my control and it's all so unorganized I could pull my hair out! I appreciate that once she arrives I will needs lots of different things but I would atleast like an input on certain items.
The way the mother in law is acting is just awful. She's hounding my mum about baby items which is uncalled for and she is being very controlling and possessive sometimes.

I actually feel like she will snatch my baby away when she is born

It sounds like you and OH might need to put in some boundaries now, I had my OH have several words with his mum about buying certain stuff and the way I felt advice was really pushed onto me after I had my baby. It sounds like she needs to be told firmly to stop hounding your mum and let you organise stuff for the baby and it shouldn't have to be you doing it. My OH was reluctant at first as he said she's just excited but I made the point that it's not fair when it's effecting my excitement for my first baby. Your MIL has had her babies; so you should have things how you want for yours.
Have you thought about when she'll meet your baby too and whether you need any boundaries about her visiting? You might not need to but some MIL have a habit of turning up unexpectedly after a baby is born which is the last thing you want when you're trying to get baby sorted at home.

Just wanted to send empathy @Hannabee123 as I'm in the same situation. I know I probably sound very ungrateful but my MiL buys so much stuff- take Mother's Day this year, I was 13 weeks pregnant and had found out 2 weeks before at our scan that I had a condition that meant baby might not survive or would but was at higher risk of congenital defects, in-laws were aware of this. On Mother's Day we spent half the day at my mums and half at DHs, we got there and MiL gleefully presented me with a whopping gift bag full of nappies, wet wipes, bibs, clothing etc. I cried afterwards in the loo as I felt so overwhelmed given that they knew our pregnancy was at risk and even if it wasn't it was wayyyyy too soon for nappies and I also wanted to buy these things for my own child. We live 3 hours away from in-laws so thought we were safe but now I get packages in the mail (again, shitloads of nappies, bibs, babygrows in sizes that child won't be in until this time next year) and I know it's MiL trying to show love but it just pisses me off and makes me feel upset and overwhelmed. Dreading Christmas as last year I watched her other grandchild receive over 30 gifts JUST from MiL... the child even said towards the end that they were bored of opening presents but more kept appearing!! I really don't want to have to go through that with our child so I've already told her we don't want anything for what will be a less than 10 week old baby but she's replied that she's already started shopping. 😩

AND on the touching bump front. Why is it only MiLs that seem to do this?!! 🙈

Go through the clothes and pick out any you really like and small things like dummies and pick out and put aside any you really like.
Put the rest into a local charity shop or food/baby bank.

Sell big items on ebay or gumtree and put the money towards buying things that you do want.

Sit down with your MiL and tell her that while you appreciate her generosity, it's your first baby and you're really excited about going out shopping and buying new things for it yourself.

If she continues asking what you want and trying to but things just keep telling her 'No. I don't want anything.'
Repeat yourself as much as you need to and ask your mother and dh to do the same.

By the time the baby's born you'll be very prepared for the toddler years and constant can I haves

Aww, OP - it's like your post was written by me, I have been in your position. It wasn't that I didn't appreciate the help & gifts, it was that this was MY first baby and I wanted the joy of picking out DS's first clothes and toys. It is very hard not to sound ungrateful and deep down I know you're not but it does need to be handled carefully so as not to upset well meaning intentions from your MIL.

I too became very overwhelmed & upset. One day I saw a gorgeous babygro and despite having so many already I just bought it deciding that was going to be his first outfit. I then went home and did a checklist of everything that'd been bought so far -turns out for all my MIL had bought we hadn't nearly enough vests so then I knew I could buy a nice pack of my choice.

I also stopped telling MIL what we needed - even as I write this it sounds silly & ungrateful but no, mentally you want the control back. Trust me - 6 months into maternity leave you'll be dropping massive hints to the grandparents that their grandchild needs a new coat!!

Is it your MIL's first grandchild? Could be over-excitement getting the better of her - lastly, I wouldn't wait for her to buy more, call her up now and say you've had a recki of all baby items and now have more than enough so could you leave some at her house for when you visit?....surely that'll get her excited to know you'll visit a lot with baby.
Trust me, to have a doting grandparent really will be worth her weight in gold, but know it's getting on your tits right now so bare with.