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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Finding out sex for practicality

9 replies

milkyjo · 18/08/2017 15:51

Anomaly scan next week and if we are asked whether we would like to find out sex I am still undecided.

This will be DC3, didn't find out with DS (1st) but did with DD (2nd). I have always thought I would not like to find out at the scan and prefer to wait until the birth as this will most probably be our last child. When DD was born, the next few weeks I'd had some feelings of regret about finding out early (a bit like that feeling if you've spied what you are getting for Christmas as a child), and although the birth itself I'm sure would've been the same, finding out at that point would have been great.

DC are are 6 and 4 and are quite clued up on whats happening. DS would like a brother and DD would like a sister. Obviously one of them will be let down! DH would like to find out for practical reasons. We have kept all of DCs clothes since birth, neatly packed away in the loft but we are running out of room. With a potential extension to the house on the cards we need to do a big sort out and get rid of the boy or girl clothes that are mounting up. I am swaying towards finding out the sex if possible but I don't want to have those feelings of regret. The other pro is that the DC can be prepared - DS says he cannot wait until the scan because he wants to find out! I am also finding it hard to be excited about this pregnancy, had previous mc and although things are going well I am apprehensive about the scan. But then I was with other DC but that maybe due to me working within paediatric cardiac surgery. I was wondering whether if we found out I would become more excited - or is this just because of it being DC3??? Do people get less excited the more babies you have? DH required some persuasion for this one and I feel that maybe to some extent he should have the decision on whether to find out as it was 'my idea' to have another DC.

Sorry for the long post, I am trying to work out what to do by writing it too! I have given a lot of pros for finding out though haven't I? Any opinions would be greatly received.

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PerfectlyPooPoo · 18/08/2017 16:00

We didn't find out with dd1 but did with dd2 and it helped me bond straight away with her. I was having a shit pregnancy and was delighted to hear it was dd2.

It also meant I could pull out all the clothes from dd1 and get ready.

I knew dd1 was a girl but it was lovely when she was born but I never regretted finding out for dd2

Butterymuffin · 18/08/2017 16:03

You're considering everyone else which is nice, but if you want to wait, I'd wait.

toomuchhappyland · 18/08/2017 16:04

Ask the sonographer to write it down, then put it in a sealed envelope. That way you have longer to decide if you want to know or not.

milkyjo · 18/08/2017 16:08

Thanks PPP, I have to say those feelings of regret did fade and don't feel them now. What I don't want to happen is be in two minds, find out next week and then later actually regret it. Its not something that can be undone is it?!

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milkyjo · 18/08/2017 16:11

toomuch that's a good idea. I wonder if they will do that at our hospital. Reading my post I think I am making a mountain out of a molehill. There are more important things in life really aren't there.

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moggle · 18/08/2017 16:16

I think your children's excitement will probably drown out any feelings of regret, if you do have any. As for chucking out clothes, it only buys you a few months really. We have a DD and just found out our twins (def last babies) are both boys... I still won't be getting rid of the really girly stuff until they're born, just in case.

confused123456 · 18/08/2017 16:16

I always knew I'd never ever find out the sex until the birth, no matter how many children I have. I think it's so much nicer to find out when your baby is right there in the room, than to find out and go home with only a picture.
We got the absolute essentials that we'd need straight away (Pram, car seat, crib and bedding, bottles and steriliser and clothes and blankets) in neutral colours (I much prefer neutral colours for that sort of stuff anyway). The plan was after the birth, my dh would go to Mothercare and get more clothes, bouncy chair, swing, baby bath, changing box, playmat and bits like that in whichever colour we needed. Unfortunately our ds wasn't well and had to stay in hospital for 12 days, which meant I was able to go shopping for the rest of the stuff as well.
We didn't do a nursery as I don't like them, and he was in our room until he was 16 months (we only moved him then as we wanted to put him in his toddler bed), as we wanted him to stay in with us as long as possible.
I don't agree with needing to find out for practical reasons, so people can get what they need. It's easy. Put the money away, and get the stuff when the baby is born.

milkyjo · 18/08/2017 16:53

confused, I can understand your point but some people may want to be more prepared and what works for one person may not be right for another. My point is we have over 6 years of boys clothes and 4 years of girls clothes filling up the space in the house and need to clear it out. In my experience with the two DC I do have they were physically at my breast for most of the time during the first 3 months (and beyond) and to sort out all the clothes and sell them/give them to charity etc will take a considerate amount of time, in between the school run. We have everything we need and it's all neutral as we did not find out with our first so won't be going shopping for anything, other than maybe a comforter but that we can do after the birth anyway.

The reasons mainly for finding out are:
To clear out the loft
To prepare other DC
To try and make me feel I bit more positive/excited about this pregnancy

Reasons for not finding out:
Feelings of regret finding out too early
Birth may feel more special in hindsight (completely personal feeling, I don't mean other people's births are not as special if they find out)

I have experienced both not finding out and finding out and they were very different births. DS lots of intervention, drip, episiotomy, very long pushing time, lots of bleeding post birth and long recovery time. DD home birth with no pain relief as no midwife and no real feeling of having just given birth therefore great recovery.

As I am writing this I have also thought that if we did find out I may somehow relate subconsciously how the birth will go as it was rather bad with DS and wonderful with DD. I know there would be no way of knowing but then I would still work myself up!

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Expectingbsbunumber2 · 18/08/2017 18:00

I found out with both my pregnancies. My personal choice and yes more for practically and to be honest I just wanted to know! Everyone is different x

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