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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Bullied at work. Help

7 replies

MamaBtoB · 18/08/2017 09:02

Hi all,

Just looking for some advice really. I am 33 weeks pregnant and I have had a pretty seamless pregnancy so far. I'm a Regional Manager and I manage a team of 11. I really love my job but it can be quite demanding and stressful but I have been blissfully unaware of this and living in my own little bubble since I found out I was pregnant (possibly my way of avoiding the stress).

Long story short - 3 years one of my team members was highly abusive towards me. We were in a meeting room with the previous manager explaining to him that I would be taking over as Regional Manager. He completely flipped. He made sexist comments while screaming in my face. This outburst was a complete shock and in hindsight, the other manager and I should have sent him home but we were in complete shock.

In the end both myself and the other manager told him that if he had issues with me then he should raise them formally which he of course did. The investigation lasted the best part of a year and aside from being invited to one formal investigation meeting, I was completely kept in the dark as to what was happening. During this time he completely tarnished my name with the client. He called me horrible names to my team (who all told me in confidence) and in the end I was unable to sit the the same room as my team for the nest part of a year.

The outcome of the investigation was that his allegations were untrue and my name was cleared. This ordeal ruined my confidence and I have found myself walking on eggshells with all employees ever since. I am terrified to say the wrong thing and upset someone and have to relive this awful ordeal.

Fast forward three years and 10 days since the initial outburst and I'm back at square one. Yesterday during a team meeting chaired by the team Supervisor he repeated history. At one point during the meeting I got up and answered the phone which was behind him so that the team meeting wasn't interrupted. When I finished the call I noticed that rather than participating or listening he was shopping online. The team Supervisor addressed him about a task she needed him to do but he didn't hear because he was caught up shopping. She repeated herself and he didn't notice so I tapped him on the shoulder and said 'Lisa is speaking to you' and he said 'uh huh' without moving. He obviously didn't hear me as Lisa repeated herself for a third time and he eventually looked up before spinning in his chair so he was directly facing me and shouting 'What did you just say to me?!' His whole demeanor changed so I said 'Lisa's trying to get your attention' and at that he went crazy! He screamed at me in the aggressive manner for a good few minutes. All I could say was 'Please calm down' 'Please don't speak to me like that'. In the end I walked away as he shouted after me (everyone just dropped their heads). As I sat at my desk he was still going on so my final word to him was 'That's enough' quite sternly.

This might sound quite simple but I know what he is like. He is so aggressive. It's been 24 hours and I still haven't stopped shaking or vomiting. I didn't sleep at all last night and now I'm back in work feeling completely stressed and anxious.

I work on a regional contract and I am the most senior person in the area. My manager is based in London so I emailed him last night with an update. I'm waiting on him calling me to discuss but I don't know what to do. When this first happened 3 years ago I got absolutely no support. I was told that I can't do anything about him because I'm his manager and managers can't complain about their employees. I know he will say the same thing again but I can't go through this again. Pregnant or not.

Has anyone been in a similar position with an employee? Is there any protection for managers?

All advice is welcome. I'm at my wits end.
Thanks

OP posts:
MainGrain · 18/08/2017 09:08

Asshole! That sounds awful.
Completely know bugger all to help but pissed off on your behalf! How dare he.
As his manager can you not pull him up on a disciplinary?

confusedat23 · 18/08/2017 09:11

I would raise a formal grievance OP.

This is the only way they can officially investigate his behaviour and you may find when questioned anonymously the other staff members from the meeting would be willing to provide information backing you up.

Please do not let this one doughnut ruin your confidence with your whole team. Do not avoid your team and carry on working as normal. The more normal you are the more it will highlight his behaviour.

Monkeypuzzle32 · 18/08/2017 09:14

Your company will have had to do a risk assessment as a legal requirement when you notified them that you were pregnant , it should be reviewed too-they are failing to protect you from his aggression and from the stress he is causing you. I'd put in a grievance and tie it in with your risk assessment.

HughLauriesStubble · 18/08/2017 09:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CashelGirl · 18/08/2017 09:19

There is no industry where his behaviour is acceptable. Contact HR, see if he can be dismissed for unprofessional and violent behaviour. He is a dick and you shouldn't have to tolerate it.

CosmicPineapple · 18/08/2017 09:24

There were witnesses. Put in a formal complaint OP you do not deserve to be treated this way.

MamaBtoB · 18/08/2017 10:23

Thanks so much for the responses. I have spoken to my manager and he has asked me to put in a formal complaint. They rejected it the last time based on the fact that I was his manager but this time around my manager thinks a formal investigation leading to disciplinary is the only way. The whole team will be interviewed as witnesses...phew.
His investigation meeting will be on Monday.
I'm leaving work now and working from home next week so I don't have to be around him.

To be fair, work have completed risk assessments from I announced my pregnancy. These risk assessments were explained to each team member, including this particular man. The team were told of the importance of eliminating stress, the possibility of slips, trips and falls etc and it was covered in a team meeting. He has signed the risk assessment and meeting minutes. Every little helps.

Thanks for the advice everyone. I really appreciate your comments Smile

OP posts:
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