Need to rant! Unsympathetic work colleagues?

[Jessybear90]

Morning ladies,

Just really needed a rant and I love this forum! Always find it really supportive.

Has anyone here suffered with illness during their pregnancy and also being around unsympathetic colleagues?

I'm almost 20 weeks now and work full time, so far I have felt pretty rotten but it's been nothing out of the ordinary, like vomiting, fatigue, sleepless nights, backache, headaches the usual and I've gone into work regardless which is hard sometimes with the vomiting.

However a couple of weeks ago I began to feel very faint and dizzy. Went back to midwife who re-checked bloods and turns out my anaemia is back with vengeance. I've been trying all different meds trying to control it as I find iron supplements really hard to get on with and I had started to feel very sick and weak in general. On top of this since my friend (who's pregnancy went swimmingly) lost her baby boy at 32 weeks (unexplained still birth) I've developed tagher extreme pregnancy related anxiety.

Over the weekend I was feeling worse and worse and during that time (after consistently feeling movement for a couple of weeks) it stopped. I totally panicked and went to GP on Monday who checked baby's heart and also because of how terrible I looked/felt he suspected that I may have an undiagnosed food intolerance which is preventing me from getting the vitamins in. Got to have further bloods done by midwife.

Anyway after this ordeal I was totally drained and too dizzy to drive/focus so I took Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday off sick. First time off sick I've had so far not only in pregnancy but at the place I work at in general.

I returned yesterday (because I felt guilty) not actually because I felt much better. Went straight to HR (manager was on holiday) and explained to her about my increasing anxiety. She was really understanding.

Got back to my desk about to crack on and my colleague (female) said to me how horrendous it had been to have to deal with the work load on her own and she basically said it didn't help that she had to "spend three days also rectifying mistakes that if made" one of them which was actually HER mistake! And the other was a simple misunderstanding on the IT side of things. And she just carried on laying into me!

I normally would defend myself but I just nearly burst into tears because I was still so tired and just come back from being ill plus worrying about the baby.

I'm just so mad, I feel there was no need for that at all as she has no idea how I feel and what I've been through and I think she thinks I'm just using pregnancy as an excuse for time off work which I absolutely am now, because I'd rather be at work and well.

I might add that she is my mums age and childless, as is her brother and sister so she's literally never experienced pregnancy or even been around babies to even think about how stressfully worrying a pregnancy can be for a woman.

What has shocked me is I find it's the female collaugues! All the men can't do enough for me, opening doors, carrying stuff, asking how I'm feeling, offering to go to the shop for me. I was shocked really.

She's made me feel so guilty for having a couple of days off but I know I should because I was genuinely ill and the health of me and the baby comes first!

Argh!!

Anyone else felt like this?

Sorry ladies I just reeeally needed that rant!

Have a great day all!

Some women turn into utter, grade A shitbags when a colleague or junior is pregnant, it's like they can smell vulnerability or something. Any grown up in a job should expect to have to cover for others occasionally, and if you'd been off sick for non-pregnancy related illness the silly bitch would still have had to up her game to cover for you. If she was that utterly overloaded she should be complaining to her manager, not you. If she keeps it up I'd have a word with HR, it's not behaviour I'd accept in any team I managed.

I hope you start to feel better soon, the most important thing is your and your babies health.
I had a month off around your point in pregnancy due to migraines and low blood pressure meanwhile a colleague sailed through her pregnancy and my boss expected me to do the same. Your colleague may just not have thought before moaning or may not realise the effect pregnancy is having on you, if she is just being insensitive try not to let it get to you - I know that's easier said than done.

Hi @Jessybear90 female work colleagues are the worst and I got told plenty of times that pregnancy was not an illness but when you feel so poorly sometimes you just want to be at home in comfort and not having to worry about work. I had quite a few days off and got ignored by a few when I got back.

It sounds like u need to rest, listen to your body, you and the baby right now is what's important and if your not feeling well take some more time out! I hope you start to feel better soon xx

Hehe thanks ladies what hurts me most is I am a very hard worker and I try to never let my team down.

But I'm just extra sensitive at the moment and really didn't need the extra stress of her having a go with me. It is stressful when someone is off in the team but I'm often on my own when she is on holiday and I dislike it but don't vocally moan about it (only in my head) haha.

I'm quite shocked at some people's reaction to pregnancy sickness. My other colleague who sits next to me even said to me what she said was a bit uncalled for. So I agreed and she said with her being the age I am have I considered maybe she was infertile and couldn't have children? I said I'd never thought of that.

Also my sister in law has fallen out with me, she's got three kids, had her third in April and she's been ringing the mother and father in law up to tell them to "stop giving me all the attention just because I'm pregnant" (they aren't giving me more attention they have visited them the same amount of time as they have is) so mother in law says it's jealously.

I can't believe how much jealousy is sparked in women surrounding pregnancy. It's crazy. It's one thing I didn't think I'd have to deal with!

Ugh got to get ready for work now. At least it's Friday

But I'm probably not allowed to be in a good mood at work because I haven't earned my weekend with me having the early part of the week off hahaha!

Just ignore it and don't feel bad focus on yourself and baby. This is why I left bitchy office type / women environments and became a coach driver. I work alone and the only other woman that's a driver is amazing she's basically going to be an aunt

I took my first time off in ten years when I was pregnant, had a bad cold which just floored me. You have to put your health first now, take the time off if you need it and don't feel bad. You don't get medals for being a martyr.

Inadequate cover is not your concern either. Just smile sweetly and say "I'm sorry you found it hard to cope, don't worry I'm back now" if you have to be off again

I hope you don't though, wishing you a smooth pregnancy

most important thing is you and your baby. Tell her to go fuck herself.

I think we are often wracked with guilt for being off, whether pregnancy related or not. In my last job (quit start jan 16) they literally worked me into the ground (was a salaried litigation partner in private practice) to the point where I almost had a breakdown - my hair started to fall out, I had regular anxiety and panic attacks, IBS, acid reflux, depression and at one point wanted to drive into a wall just so I would be in hospital and not go to work. Mind you, the Managing Partner once said to me "unless you're dead, I expect you to be working, even if you're in a hospital bed you can still read your emails", so not sure even that would've worked.

When it came to salary review and bonus time I got a big fat nothing, despite having made them a massive fortune and their answer was "well, you've had a good year last year but we don't expect this year will be as good". So it wasn't even properly compensated.

I quit (though took me a year after that conversation!) and got a less stressful job 4 days a week. Am now 7 weeks pregnant (which I doubt I would've been had I stayed there) and now me and my baby come first - yes I want to do a good job in my current role but it's only a job. There will always be another job but you can't put a price on yours or your baby's health.

Sorry for brain dump - and it doesn't seem to be your employer who is a nob, but this colleague. If I were you I'd fight back, maybe don't tell her to go fuck herself (though it's tempting!!) but I'd be nice as pie and just explain to her how that makes you feel - then no-one can accuse you of being a bitch and she looks bad!

Coastal - "tell her to go fuck herself" oh god believe me I very nearly did! I was at the peak of my anxiety yesterday and that was the last thing I needed from her but she just couldnt help herself...

I'm leaving in December which isn't really that far away so they had best arrange a cover for me because how will they cope for 9 months if they can't even cope for three days?! also I'm glad you left your previous job sounds awful!

Ladies you've all cheered me up thank you so much.

I just think it's wrong to make pregnant women feel guilty for just talking a rest and thinking of the baby. I can understand if you were off almost every single week but it was my first ever sickness! Considering I was throwing up at work in the first trimester I don't think that was too bad!

yeah, it's the old adage isn't it - they'd have to cope if you were run over by a bus!!!!

And agree, those colleagues who have never been pregnant think "god, you're only pregnant, what's the fuss" but the little critter sucks everything out of you and your hormones are going wild! I think that unless people have been pregnant themselves they don't really understand!!

Exactly yeah, no bump? No comment! That's what I say! Yes it's not an illness and through all the horrible symptoms I'm the happiest I've ever been because despite how rotten I feel I'm completely in love with the little shrimp!

Everyone's pregnancy is different. I know some who sailed through...I know some who have been seriously ill (even hospitalised way before birth) so I really don't think anyone has room to judge at all and very least of all...women who have never been pregnant!

I'm lucky in that my colleagues are great, well the ones who know.
My manager is OK.. And I'm the kind of person who is 'think what you want but keep your opinions to yourself' and if they don't then I tell them.. Unfortunately I have no filter for knowing when not to tell someone the truth lol.. And that was pre hormonal haha.
I'm. Currently off sick as never felt so drained. I've had over a week, with a sick note from GP and I've not heard from anyone.. I kind of like it that way lol. I've seen on FB they've been busy in peoples general chats etc. And I don't feel guilty at all, we come first and to be honest I'd be no use to them lol.. I then have annual leave till 7 Sept unless I'm signed off again in which I'd get the leave returned to me.
If I was you I would say, I've come back. I feel like shit. I came back because I felt guilty, and not because I feel well to be here. So please cut me a bit of slack or I could quite easily go off again. Which I'm trying to avoid

First 20 weeks I felt awful, people say it's not an illness, it may not be but I felt ill. In fact I have never felt as bad in my life.

I was horrified by some of my female colleagues who were massively unsympathetic. Some who had had easy pregnancies were total bitches. Another woman in the office was pregnant at the same time and she was glowing away looking smug.

I remember it as being one of the worst times in my life. I am normally assertive and strong but I was a wreak and these women turned into bullies.

I tried to stay strong and looking back I think that was a big mistake. I wanted to prove something to them but why should I prove anything to people like that?

Look after yourself and your baby and screw them. I wouldn't reply to comments treat them with the contempt they deserve and ignore them.