Not enjoying pregnancy and feeling a bit blue

[Merowdiff]

I didn't want to rain on peoples' parades on the thread I'm on as there's a lot going on for them.

I'm 5+6 with my first and I'm really struggling to find any joy in it and I feel really guilty. I'm really pleased to be pregnant, but I already feel so ill this early on and although I know the chances are I'll feel better soon, I'm not coping with how poorly I feel.

I've got constant nausea, horrible cramping that comes on several times a day and lasts about 10 - 15 mins each time which also wakes me up.

My partner doesn't live with me atm and came to visit at the weekend with a full on cold and sickness bug which he's passed on to me. I tried to explain to him how I was feeling today but he just said "well, my love, you've got another 7 months or so of this"
I know having the bug is making me even more miserable, but I'm worried being poorly for what's meant to be the happiest time of your life will make me feel resentment towards my partner and baby.

Sorry this is so long and lots of you will probably be aghast. Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself and need a good talking to.

I found the first trimester really hard. I planned the pregnancy, was absolutely over the moon to have conceived then at around almost the same time, a weird dark cloud came over me.

I didn't enjoy doing things I used to, felt distant, numb and at times almost like I didn't want to be pregnant. I put it down to hormones at the time but know how it was pre-natal depression. It was awful! I spoke about it with my Mum and husband eventually (I felt embarrassed to at first as everyone was so happy) and it helped. But as the weeks went by the cloud lifted and disappeared. All those hormones, so much change, sickness and fatigue are the ideal conditions for feeling really rubbish.

I'm not sure if my experience is similar at all but you're not alone . Whilst we're so lucky to be pregnant, it doesn't make that first trimester any less torturous at times!

I'm now 26 weeks and haven't felt that way since around 11 weeks! X

Marshmallow thank you so much, I was worried people might look at what I'd written and think I was being really cruel and unreasonable.
I am so hoping to feel better the further on I go. I don't think I could cope if this feeling stays with me.
We're also in the middle of moving house, which I've not even got the energy to think about, let alone be excited about, and my pregnancy coincided with withdrawal from Citalopram which I'd been on for 2 years for anxiety. There's a lot of stuff going on in the mix! I hate myself for feeling like I don't want this at the moment. I'm off work atm as I work in school and I'm so worried about going back and being utterly useless. I'm so early days that I didn't really want to tell my employer until my scan, but I feel maybe it's best if I nip it in the bud so they're not wondering why I'm not on form?
Only my partner and our Mums know so far. My mum is awesome, but when I try to tell her how I feel she either says something like 'well you are pregnant' or 'I never had that/felt like that'. My partner is becoming very good at telling me I'm 'just hormonal' which just makes me feel like a teenager.
Thanks for your kind words, I do hope there's light at the end of the tunnel.
Best of luck to you and your little one xxx

Hi Merrow, congratulations on your pregnancy.

Coming off citalopram can be hard, have you got any support? I would mention it to your midwife at your booking in appointment as you might be able to get some additional support. It could also be a good idea to contact PANDAS who specialises in antenatal and postnatal mental health.

If you are feeling like you are struggling with your nausea then please get in touch with pregnancy sickness support, they can offer advice and coping tips and have a good forum and support. Network available.

I don't think anyone will think that, having felt very similar I know it's really hard.

It sounds as though you've got loads on your plate at the moment! Comments about it not being like your DH's pregnancy or your DP saying it's hormones aren't helpful either. I think it's entirely normal given the circumstances! But it really does get better. I know that's not much consolation now, I remember thinking I couldn't imagine it being much worse but the severe pregnancy symptoms ease off and the whole idea becomes more normal.

Can relate as was on Citralapram for anxiety some years back and it's not fun, so especially with pregnancy! Is there anyone else you can talk to? I started off cautious but did tell more people earlier on and that helped as I could talk to them about things. I think with the move and everything else you've got so much to think about, all the added Sickness and fatigue etc will be extra hard.

I think you shouldn't feel rushed to tell work until you're ready. But if you do feel ready and think it's important they know it may help!

It really does get better though and even though I have a whole host of new annoying symptoms in the second trimester, nothing has compared to the way I felt mentally in the first. I feel like feeling more myself any physical symptoms are manageable but in the first trimester when feeling so down, it was impossible. So please don't feel bad or hard on yourself.

Thank you, you too! X

Sorry DM (mum's) & DP .. got that the wrong way around! X

I find it really unhelpful when people tell me "it's just your hormones" or words to that effect (actually, it was my sister, and only once, but I haven't forgotten it!)

I'm 18+4 weeks and really struggling with what I think is antenatal depression so no advice but as I know how you are feeling. It's hard to fake joy for a pregnancy, even if deep down you know you are 'pleased'.

I havent told many people about how I feel as people don't react very well to it so only my DH knows really and he is trying to support me as much as possible, the poor sod.

Feel free to PM me if you ever want to sound off but don't feel afraid to ask your midwife for help either. I think I need to before the weekend, really. It's my Bday on Sunday and I don't even want to do anything!

Oh I didn't finish my first paragraph! I find it unhelpful because it insinuates your feelings hold no value, because it's just 'hormones'. Which isn't true, your feelings do hold value. If there are times you can laugh at yourself then fine (e.g. crying at TV adverts) but if your are struggling with emotions you need support.

I can relate to this too. I don't have those feelings too badly at the moment but sometimes they are there - the numb and distant feeling and not being able to find joy in anything. I think part of it might be because pregnancy is quite a long period and so maybe you feel a bit like your life is in limbo?!

But yesterday I thought I was bleeding and thought I was having a miscarriage (turned out it was from my bum due to constipation!!!) and when I thought I was going to lose the little blighter I was so sad.

Not quite sure what I'm trying to say - I guess don't feel guilty as I do think it's normal (not that that helps when trying to process the feelings!!) x

I've experienced these feelings too and had unhelpful responses from my family. DH does his best bless him but doesn't really understand it. I'm first time mum due in November.

to all and keep on keeping on xxx

Hi Merowdiff, I really struggled with my first pregnancy, I was throwing up by the time I got my BFP, and the nausea was relentless in the first trimester, all I could do was eat to stop the waves and gained at least 4 stone in my pregnancy, it was hard to enjoy myself. Once that went I had really bad acid reflux which caused me to have no sleep at nights (I guess to get used to what was to come - my 2yo still doesn't sleep... Queue the my kid slept well fr 6 weeks ).
But you won't resent anything, it just makes you stronger and ready for what having a baby entails! Just try and take everything a day at a time, it feels like you are pregnant forever but you can do it!
I'm starting to get my nausea now and trying to be happy about it cos it's meant to be a good sign (after having no symptoms with pregnancy I MC), but it's hard to think of it that way while trying not to throw up!