Unexpected pregnancy

[blueelephant91]

Hello - I've never done this before so please be kind.

Yesterday I found out I was pregnant, I was suspecting it as It as my boyfriend and I had an accident with a condom splitting last month but I didn't really think anything of it. I took a test after having a variety of symptoms and now have done 3 tests, all positive.

So I've now got myself into this situation where I'm 26 and been in a relationship with an amazing man for 7 months, not long I know and this is where I'm debating my options. We still want to experience the world just us and don't feel as financially stable as we would like to be. I'm not sure I'm ready for it. On the other hand I don't know if I personally can cope with a termination, I overthink and get anxious and already know it would take a lot out of me. I'm due to start a new job in September. Also I'm a strong believer in things happening for a reason, however not knowing what the reason is I'm stuck. I'd love a family but I've always wanted to be married first and then have children, which I know isn't realistically how things work. Also having known how many people around me are 'mistakes' it just makes me think.

Having only just found out I've told my closest friend (who recommended I posted on here) and my partner who has been amazing and we've talked a lot. I'm planning to talk to my Mum at the weekend because she is the one person I know I can talk to, but as she is on holiday I don't want to ruin her time away by worrying about me.

I just need advice from possibly someone who has been in this situation or anyone who thinks they can help me/ be supportive.

Thank you.

Hi lovely,

I found myself in a similar position last November. Discovered I was pregnant having only been with my boyfriend since May. At the time I was 20, at uni, working a crap minimum wage job and living with friends.

We made the decision to keep the baby, it wasn't made lightly and we talked through all the pros and cons, but ultimately I couldn't stand the thought of a termination - I am completely pro choice by the way and it's different for every couple. It was very difficult especially at first, I was very sick, had to try and balance a fairly new relationship with pregnancy, work and university. It didn't stop me travelling and we went visiting 3 different European cities throughout my pregnancy.

Unlike you I couldn't talk to my mum as when I told my parents they were completely unsupportive which made things very hard.
You're also 26 which isn't seen as 'too young' socially, not that it should matter, but I have been judged by some older people for deciding to have a child at this age.

It's a very personal decision but don't let anyone else make the choice for you- it's down to you and your partner, but at the end of the day it's you who has to carry the baby, it's your body that will have to take the toll of pregnancy. It's definitely not easy, and takes a lot of organisation getting ready for a little one, but if you do decide to go ahead I can wholly say I know I myself made the right decision (baby is due any time now), and am here to talk if you want or need to.

I think you should definitely contact your mother, its a life changing decision! forget about disturbing her you might regret you didn't disturb her you entire life....as per my opinion you should definitely not taken a decision you are not ready for, its a new life you are bringing to the world a big responsibility!

I don't think you are too young I am 22 and pregnant with my first. Ours was an unexpected pregnancy. I had been with my partner just over a year and I had only just moved in with him and started a new job. We both aren't fond of abortion so we were happy and apart from a couple of hormone fuelled handbags at dawn arguments every now and then, life is good. It's tough to think about adapting as we too love to travel and think nothing of chucking a bag in the car and going away for the weekend. After speaking to many people I realise that this does not have to change so dramatically.
Children get free air travel until they are 2 and I've known people who regularly go away with young children walking costs paths and travelling to the Italian mountains / Iceland. Babies don't have to stop your life completely it's just more challenging.
You need to think if you can adapt your lives to cope with a child and you need to decide if it's right.

There is no shame in looking at an abortion if the time isn't right but do not make this decision lightly... I'm not saying this to put you off. My sister had an abortion last year as she was in the same boat as you and her flat landlord didn't allow children or pets. Ultimately she rushed into an abortion and came to really regret what she did. I supported her throughout but I do not think she really considered her options and thought it through.
Talk to your mum but please make the decision yourself do not feel forced into one or the other.

Thank you for your replies. Redpanda thank you so much, it's nice to hear from someone who has been/ is in a similar position to me. We are definitely not rushing into a decision and are listing up pros and cons. I will speak to my mum this weekend so I've had a bit of time to process things, I still feel like I'm in a bit of a dream. I know that my age isn't regarded as 'too young' but I guess the age thing doesn't worry me too much, it's more dealing with how people will judge me, I'm sorry you've had to deal with older people judging you. I worry lots about others opinions of me, which shouldn't be the way and I know that. It's something I've got to just think about my partner and I, no one else. Also sorry about your parents being unsupportive, I think my mum will be okay I just worry what she will think. Congrats to you and thank you for helping me - it is so appreciated.

Megha - thank you. Yes I definitely will be speaking to my mum. I'm just worried about what she will say, but ultimately she is my mum and she does know me the best. I know this is a big decision and will not be something I decide straight away.

Hannabee - thank you so much and congrats to you. Nice to hear from someone else in a similar position. We definitely need to think about whether we can adapt our lives to this. It is something we won't rush into. I'm sorry to hear about your sister, this is what worries me. I'm not sure how I would cope with it, I know I never stop feeling guilty about the silliest of things, it's not a decision that is being made lightly. We have been living together now for 2-3 months so I know we have done things quite quickly anyway, I'm just lucky with how supportive he is after reading other posts on here. Thank you again for your reply, it is so appreciated.

Hi op

I am 28 and found out I was pregnant in January after being with my boyfriend since September. It was a hard time but I found that our reasons for not having a baby were based on our worries about what other people would think, expect and say.

I was initially worried we would miss out on holidays (just the two of us) and other things new couples do.

Anyway 8 months later our baby boy is due in 4 weeks and we have had the most amazing time together preparing for his arrival. It turned out I was completely wrong about what everyone would think and all our family are so excited and happy. Definitely talk to your mum - the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders when I told mine.

I too was worried about how we would afford it - having not saved in anticipation. We both have well paid professional jobs and have had help from our families. But... I have come to realise that my priorities shifted. We have saved, been sensible with what we have bought and lived economically. We are now well set and you will be too if this is what you choose.

I also know if I had made a different decision I would have been fine too and that the people around us would have supported us. So listen to your heart. I too believe everything happens for a reason

Thank you @vplum88 it's nice to hear from someone else who has been in our position too.

Just to let you/everyone we have made our decision and we are keeping our baby. We spoke to both of our parents (who are extremely excited!) and the reality of it is both of our guts were telling us to keep baby so that is what we are doing. I know it's not going to be easy but we are extremely excited for this adventure together.

I am going to doctors tomorrow to get an appointment and then we will see how it goes. Thanks everyone!