Sharing the news with family, but with a twist

[morecynicalthanVimes]

So I know this one has been done to death, but I do have a new wrinkle.

I am 1st trimester with what will hopefully be our second child - we've had an early scan and seen a healthy heartbeat. I also have a lot of siblings. 2 of my siblings have very sadly struggled with recurrent miscarriage/infertility - each has a child but has also had a lot of suffering, and one is sadly now at the end of her journey. While I've had some losses, it's not been nearly at their scale and I am very fortunate.

I know the best way to share with the people who have struggled is by text/Whatsapp etc to give them space, but in an ideal world I'd like to phone the other members of the family to give them the news. But is that fair? Should I treat them all equally and tell them all by text, or is it OK to distinguish? Another sibling simply announced her pregnancy by group Whatsapp, so I could always just do that, but I'd like to be able to hear people's voices if it's fair to everyone to do that.

Input welcomed.

Please tell your unfortunate siblings first, call them or text them and tell them that you wanted to let them know first so they can process it before the rest knows. Tell the rest a week later. That way they have had time to get used to their feelings before they have to put on a brave face for the family. They are happy for you of course but it confronts them with their own sad news.

Group WhatsApp sounds perfect to me. Surely you don't want to hear someone's voice if it's them struggling not to cry? You could always call your mum, or whoever is the person who's reaction you're most interested in, and send the WhatsApp at the same time.

Surely you don't want to hear someone's voice if it's them struggling not to cry?

I mean the voices of my other siblings who will be uncomplicatedly happy for me. Of course I don't want to spring it on my siblings who have struggles & very mixed feelings. In general we do ring each other to share family news, I'm just trying to match sensitivity with my own admittedly selfish desire to have a proper chat with people.

I have a cousin who I'm close to who lost a baby at 28 wks, so rather than a big family announcement I sent him an email. After a few days I got a lovely reply and separate message from his wife. I didn't want to treat them differently but equally no point pretending they aren't different to my complication-free younger relatives.

Good luck with whatever you decide x

Just had another thought - I will see most of the family soon, when I will be 10wks or so. Shall I just keep quiet until 12 weeks? I think it's quite possible/likely that people may notice me declining drinks etc and honestly don't know if it's better to be told in advance or not. Obviously nobody would blame us for keeping quiet until post 12 week scan, but don't mind telling early (now that we have seen heartbeat and know our odds are pretty good) if it would be easier than them realising while with me.