CSection + toddler + no family about: hit me with the truth!

[TheLegendOfBeans]

Evenin' all

So today we found out we will be having a CS for my baby due in 9 weeks.

I have a DD who will be 20 months at the time DC2 is born.

We don't have any family readily available nearby and no friends in a position to step in at all. We are quite new to the area.

Just to provide context: DH will get three days paternity leave only. Due to a perfect storm of circumstances there is no way this can be extended.

DD is at a childminders twice a week.

How did you manage?

I know this isn't what you want to hear but I found the first two weeks after my second section way worse than first time round. I think it was the old scar tissue making it hurt more. I could barely stand in the shower. Find the money for more childminder sessions, a mother's help, something.

Week 3 - fine. You'll be grand. But you need something in place those first two weeks.

I had 20 months between my two and c section with both. I found dc2 a lot easier to recover from, even with dc1 about, mainly due I suspect to it being elective whereas dc1 was emergency.

Dc1 was very independent at that stage though so she would climb the stairs and with a stool happily climb into her own cot. I didn't really need to attempt to lift her very often.

I was also shoved out of hospital with dc2 after 24hrs too. Though I suspect that's a lot more uncommon.

If you have house space then it is def an option to have someone stay with yous. The mothers help in Holland seem to be great. Not only there to help with the baby but also to help cook etc and make sure you are fed too! I have friends in holland and their maternity package sounds great. We get nothing here in Italy! Discharged from hospital with an appointment for peds 2 weeks later to check weight. No midwives or health visitors or mothers helps unless you pay private. Try looking for a graduate who is looking to gain experience in another country and there are also numerous websites to find a nanny or au pair but I think their fees are a bit steep. Alternatively try get out to some groups and meet some people and advertise locally for a young adult to help a bit. Majority of them speak amazing English anyway. Is there some sort of family centre nearby?

I have friends in delft, Rotterdam and The Hague if you are in these parts I could ask for some info for you.

If you're currently picking up and carrying dc1, stop it immediately. It's a hard habit to break, especially when you're tired.

She's very good at being independent and will probably be fine when baby #2 arrives.

Today we will look into extra help; even if it's just someone to get her to and from the childminder.

Thanks to all those who've said I'm doing the right thing now - it just hit me like a spade in the face yesterday so I'm now in "power mode" to get it all set up for 9 weeks' time

Personally having had a section I also agree that 3 days after CS you will not be able to deal with toddler and baby alone full time unless your toddler likes sitting and drawing for hours on end. My toddler is v boisterous and doesn't cope well with a whole day in the house, needs loads of running around in the playpark etc so there is no way I will be able to cope with him by myself after my imminent second section shortly.
I can't help with the solutions unfortunately but I would def organise something now.

Expect a bit of regression from the toddler at some point, she might get more demanding because you're not so available.

We had a 14 month age gap. In the end we took a hit for the first few weeks and got a night nanny in twice a week. DD went to nursery Monday and wednesdays so I would get the night nanny in on those evenings so I got a decent nights sleep before having both children the next day.

It was expensive but no more so than paying for DD to do extra days at nursery (as was the original plan). Not for everyone and not sure how it works if you're exclusively breastfeeding but was definitely a game changer for our family.

Oh and in terms of picking up do be careful. I would feel fine at the find of picking DD up but the next day it would hit me. I took her to playgroups more than the park
In the early stages as less room for accidents and also other mums tend to be really helpful.
If you're doing any classes/ playgroups a lot of them let you bring the bouncer/ carry cot in for newborn.

We had a 22 month gap. Both c sections. The second one the recovery was so much better- but the first time round, I tried to feed upstairs in bed as I felt rubbish those first few weeks- barely left the bedroom... second time, I got dh to help me downstairs in the morning, and to get out flasks of drinks/bottles/ biscuits/ toddler snacks into the lounge so I only had to actually go to the kitchen to do lunch & dinner- everything else could be done from just the one room- (certainly at the beginning). We had a selection of toys for toddler out and available so I didn't have to bend/lift. We set up a Moses basket in the lounge so baby could nap in there, and brought a mattress in and made a den for toddler nap...
basically try to get everything in the one room- it's do-able, (with preparation). And lots if CBeebies/dvds/books & cuddles. It was really tough having to ignore baby sometimes, but the toddler is so young and didn't understand why she wasn't the center of everything anymore.
Fill your freezer up whilst you can.
Good luck.