DP doesn't seem interested

[sanchezwasntdirty]

It's just that really he's just not interested in the pregnancy and I'm finding it quite hurtful.

I'm not expecting him to fawn over me or anything but there are certain things that I'd like us to do as a couple so he feels more involved as I know he's limited till the baby is born.

For example I suggested we got to antenatal classes closer to my due date so he's got an idea of what to expect during labour and after the birth and he doesn't want to go and completely shut down the idea and got quoted pissed about it.

I think they'll be good for both of us to attend as it's both of ours first and I've also got no idea what to expect so I'd like to go but would have to take someone who isn't my birth partner.

I suggested going to a baby event in a couple of weeks and got a flat no. I've got my mom to go with but I would like some input from him so thought these would be good ways to get him interested and settle any worries that he may have rather than asking when I'm in labour and it's a bit late.

I've got other people to go with but wanted him to be involved as I know it must be difficult as it's not happening to him. Anyone else's DP like this? Did they change later in the pregnancy? I'm not sure what else to do any suggestions?

How far along are you op?

Also have you tried saying to him that he seems disinterested and that its hurtful?... my DH has never been completely disinterested but getting past 20 week scan and then feeling him kick etc has really brought the excitement out of him

I'm 15 weeks currently... the stuff I'm suggesting isn't for a while yet but he's just completely shutting me down about it all with a flat no.

He's excited about the baby but more towards picking names etc and not the bits that will actually be more important when the time rolls round because in his words 'his parents didn't have antenatal classes and it was fine'... I don't want him to get to me being in labour and have absolutely no idea what's going on or happening because I won't be willing to answer his questions and once the baby is here it's a bit late.

His lack of interest is making me feel quite isolated and like I'm going through this on my own. Like I said my mom is more than willing to go but with her not being my actual birth partner it seems a bit of a waste, I just wish he'd be willing to consider some of it rather than just completely disregarding it as unimportant because it's not his thing.

In fairness I don't think he is especially unusual. It's easier for us to be interested as we have the constant reminders that there's an actual baby in there. I just booked us onto antenatal courses and told him the dates. I knew he wasn't arsed at the time but he found them really useful and ended up being an absolutely incredible birth partner. You still have plenty of time. I'm sure it's just hard for him to get his head round. Have an idea of what you want to do and when (e.g. I decided we needed baby's room painted by X weeks as I didn't want to be painting when too massive - I just told him what weekend we'd be sorting the bedroom). I'm sure his excitement will build as your bump grows and he starts to feel the kicks. Congrats on your pregnancy!

Why don't you park all the later on stuff and wait until then. You're still early on and it's probably baby fever atm. He has his own emotions to process.

The baby is still more a part of you at the minute, when you have a big moving bump he can see and feel and time to adapt to his thoughts the anti natal thing can be discussed again.

I agree with both PP's... i am not sure if you had any of the quite common anxiety in your first trimester? Its kind of the Fuck we are actually having a tiny human and how are we going to look after it and are we going to cope and do we have enough money etc... well eventually we start to get more confident as the baby grows etc. Men don't really get that pleasure and until quite late on are very detached from everything going on apart from the anxiety side of things!

Book any classes you want and look at all the things etc you want to buy and when you know what you want then just present it to him... i always just give DH a few options of things i would be very happy with and then he will get the final pick. I find i get a much better response this way than giving him 4000000 things to look at when he seems uninterested!

But i assure you just because he doesn't seem that interested now that has no reflection on what he'll be like when the baby is here! I was watching a OBEM the other day where the dad seemed so disinterested and then when they put the baby in his arms he wouldn't give it back!