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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

What happens if dp has to leave work because I have spd and 5 children?!

17 replies

zephyrcat · 28/03/2007 10:16

I originally said to dp that if we end up having twins, then I am definately going to need help. I get SPD quite badly and it hasn't fully gone since having dd2 last year. We are about to be moved to a 3rd floor maisonette, am pg with (as far as we know) twins, and have 3 children already. Oh, and I will be on my 4th CS.

He says that he can't just give up work because we wouldn't be entitled to any help for the time he is off because he chose to leave employment. But I will need his help, where do we stand?

OP posts:

nickytwotimes · 28/03/2007 10:23

zeph, i don't really know, but tax credits, maybe?? really just wanted to send you some good vibes

throckenholt · 28/03/2007 10:26

talk to your midwife or health visitor - maybe there is something to cover this sort of thing ?

lulumama · 28/03/2007 10:29

home start , sure start might be able to help

see the CAB

speak to HV - there might be charitable services who help with this sort of thing

a trainee post natal doula might be amenable to help for a lesser hourly rate

take it no family and friends who can commit to long term help?

lulumama · 28/03/2007 10:29

can DH save all his holiday and get compassionate leave too???

Original poster

zephyrcat · 28/03/2007 10:37

family are all miles away and we don't really know anyone here - plus the fact we'll be moving to a totally new area again.

OP posts:

hertsnessex · 28/03/2007 18:05

cant help, as just seen your in southampton, in in herts/esssex, but i think you should try to get a trainee doula or maybe a girl who is studying nursery nursing to help you out......i know a college nr me that want parents to take on girls for unpaid work exp......maybe there is something like that near you.

jofeb04 · 28/03/2007 19:32

Hiya,
Just to let you know that I had severe SPD with my dd's pregnany (and still suffering now), with a 19month old ds at dd's birth.
Your dh can get parental leave (I think that is what it is called) or can he ask for compassionate leave (this is what my dh did for me at my worst, and even now, when I have a bad day, this is what he asks for as it is payed leave).

I had alot of help from Homestart, and it may be worth phoning your local council, as they may be able to provide you with some sort of home healp (mine never though lol).

Hope that helps, and I kind of know how you feel.

pollyanna · 28/03/2007 19:39

Isn't there a legal right to parental leave to look after dependents? (I'm not sure if it is a right to paid leave though, and the company can probably say no if it is acting reasonably).

Soapbox · 28/03/2007 19:44

Parental leave is unpaid though.

I think the best thing you can do is to see if you can get a student placement from a childcare course at your local college. They are usually free of charge.

Califrau · 28/03/2007 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheOriginalXENA · 28/03/2007 19:50

I would go with an aupair as well, but then you would possibly need a spare room. Why are you moving to a 3rd floor maisonette?

pookey · 29/03/2007 20:16

Sure Start sounds like a good idea and def speak to your hv, they would probably know if you would be eligible for any help from social services and make a referral for you to app team?

gemmiegoatlegs · 29/03/2007 20:19

i think its 13 continuous weeks of parental leave your dp can take. If you could maybe save up some money before he left it might ease things through that time .of course he could also use his accrued holiday and SP leave

morningpaper · 29/03/2007 20:19

In short, there isn't much help

I looked into this a few months ago when my back was very bad

We ended up muddling through, lots of television, put the children in nursery a bit more, DH used up some annual leave

Take it a day at a time

Could you and the children move in with your parents/relatives for a short time?

morningpaper · 29/03/2007 20:20

parental leave is unpaid in most companies, and they have a right to refuse it unless it is asked for in writing before a certain date - I think you can only take off 4 weeks at a time etc. etc. - it isn't as useful as it seems

morningpaper · 29/03/2007 20:22

DTI info on Parental Leave:

www.dti.gov.uk/employment/employment-legislation/employment-guidance/page18480.html

PurpleLostPrincess · 30/03/2007 10:27

Is it worth talking to the Department of Working Pensions ref dh giving up work? I know that its the norm for people to not be entitled to benefits if they leave their job of their own accord but I'm sure there are circumstances where they make exceptions. A friend of mine (a few years ago) left her job but was still entitled to her benefits because it was her only option.

Please forgive me if this is completely wrong - I'm just trying to think of any ideas that are at least worth exploring...

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