Devastated

[icklebecka]

Hi all, new here & just wanted someone to talk to as I can't talk to friends or family about this.

Found out yesterday I'm around 6 weeks pregnant, and I'm a mixed bag of emotion as, sadly, I cannot continue with the pregnancy.
For my entire adult life I've been under the impression that I cannot get pregnant, for various reasons. And it's never really bothered me because I've never been keen on the idea of having kids.
Turns out that actually it is possible, which came as a surprise.
Unfortunately I'm a type 1 diabetic with end-stage kidney failure, and started dialysis 7 weeks ago so, as you can imagine, being pregnant at this stage would be incredibly risky for both myself and a baby so I have to end it.
I've always thought that on the off chance I ever got pregnant I would just terminate & carry on with my life. Turns out I actually have a lot more emotions and feelings about it than I ever would, and quite frankly I'm devastated.
My partner is being very supportive but I can't really talk to him about how I feel as I know he'd look for ways we could try to continue the pregnancy, and I know I want that too, but the sensible side of me is trying to keep me safe.
I'm just so gutted, and really surprised myself that I feel like this. Finding it hard to deal with.

is the medical advice that you have to terminate?

So sorry to hear this, you poor love, it must be so upsetting.
In your situation, can you get counselling from the hospital that are taking care of you?

Medical advice is that the pregnancy is incredibly high risk, and "strongly advised" to consider termination.

I have an appointment with my local Marie Stopes clinic on Thursday where I will be offered counselling. I turned it down when I spoke to them yesterday but I've had time for it to sink in since then and I think I might take them up on it.

What an awful situation to be in, have you had a chance to talk to your consultant about everything yet?
Counselling is definitely the way to go, please ask for it if it's not being offered.
I have been where you are, it's a horrible lonely place to be.
I just want to send my support (and unmumsnetty hugs if you need them)

Good idea to take up the counseling. They will be kind. Just the opportunity to talk to someone will take some pressure off.
Are you sure there's no one you feel you trust enough and are close enough to in friends or family that you could confide in? You might feel less alone and more supported. Also, support from someone in your life and counseling support fulfill slightly different needs IMO.

Thank you for the hugs :) not spoken to consultant yet, like I said only found out yesterday. But did have a conversation with him regarding pregnancy (just out of interest really) before I started dialysis and he was very strongly against, but also thought it was unlikely to happen once I started!

Suffering from nausea and sickness at the moment which is making it harder as I know it's for nothing.

I have one friend I've confided in, but she's the opposite end of the country to me so only so much she can do.
Trouble is, I'm going through a divorce at the moment and I don't want anything to get back to him so I have to be so careful.

In my locality there are Diabetes Specialist Midwives - probably more expert than Marie Stopes in your case.