Anxiety after miscarriage.

[Njh87]

I've had two miscarriages the latest being in March. Both pregnancies ended before 12 weeks. However I am pregnant again and have had a positive scan. They say my baby is perfectly happy and healthy. This baby is all I want but for some reason I am overwhelmed with anxiety when I look at my growing bump (I'm almost 14 weeks). I also feel envious of other pregnant women which makes no sense because I'm also one of those women. Can anyone else relate to this? I've spoken to others but they just look at me like I'm strange.

You're not strange at all. You have suffered two losses. Of course you're concerned. The likelihood of a good outcome increases hugely by 14 weeks. You have had a scan and not only is your baby alive but all seems well too.
Can you look for some tricks to help with anxiety like mindfulness?

I found that miscarriages stole all of the joy from my subsequent successful pregnancy.

I couldn't just relax and enjoy being pregnant, I just could not imagine a happy healthy baby at the end of it and I didn't relax until my baby was in my arms.

I don't know the answer OP but I sympathise.

I'm sorry to hear about your previous losses OP, I sincerely hope that you can relax soon and enjoy your pregnancy. It sounds like it's all going well and you have a healthy happy baby growing

I can understand a little of what you're going through. I had an mmc in January which ended around 8 weeks. I'm currently 15+1, had a positive scan week before last and screening results came back low risk. For some reason I can't seem to relax and enjoy it like I should, I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself this time round and paranoid over everything. I get the envy of other pg women as well, especially those who are much further along as they have lovely bumps and feeling baby move, which is still a little early for me!

Totally agree with BifsWif I had 4 Mc before DS and spent almost every moment of the first half of his pregnancy terrified, then his kicks suddenly appeared which did ease the fear (not totally).
Have since had 2 further Mc and am pregnant again now, still terrified, still counting down days till early scan (7 btw)!
I know it's easier said than done but try to stay positive, pay for a private scan if it eases your fears it's worth the money.

You're not remotely strange and don't let anyone tell you you are. I'm EXACTLY the same. I'm just coming up to 15 weeks and everyday feel as though something has gone wrong. It will pass. Those kicks won't be far off and that will hopefully give you the peace of mind that you deserve. You're not on your own.

This was me this time last year. There is a great long running support thread called 'Staying Posifrikenitive' where I received amazing support from others in the same boat. I imagine it's populated by different posters these days but you should check it out.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/2963345-Staying-posifrickentive-Thread-17-for-ladies-pg-after-mc

Sorry to hear of your losses. Pregnancy after a loss is so hard and I completely understand your feelings. I have had 2 losses and I found pregnancy with my rainbow very hard. I wish I had taken up the offer of counselling as I don't think I recognised how much anxiety had taken over until my baby arrived safe and sound and I suddenly felt so much better. Just be honest about how you are feeling and maybe be open to counselling if it is offered to you? It might be helpful x

I completely understand. I had an early miscarriage first time round. I'm in between 29 and 30 weeks now and feel how you feel (even with baby kicking me as I type). I have people around me who are surprised I'm worried "but you're past the first three months?!" It's not a nice feeling, in itself or with people's reactions. Just got to keep our chins up, keep going and ticking the weeks off.

Thank you so much everyone. When I've mentioned it I've just been told that I need to calm down. I know I do but I just don't know how. I thought I'd feel better once I had my scan and was told everything is fine but now I worry about how much worse it would be if something went wrong because I've been given 'false hope'. I think it helps to know I'm not alone. I just thought I was being ridiculous.

@Njh87 I think people who haven't had any issues in pregnancy might find it strange but I'm sure that every woman has had some worries during their journey, I'd say it's completely natural and you're definitly not alone!

I thought that the worry and anxiety would subside as soon as I had my dating scan, which was at 13+5 and all was fine. I've been so nervous and worried I've booked a private scan for Sunday (I'll be at 16 weeks) so I'm hoping after that I'll be ok until the 20 weeks scan in September! It's a weird stage as my symptoms aren't as strong and I don't really have much of a bump or feeling any real movement yet!

I'm 29 weeks pregnant after a miscarriage at 15 weeks previously. And though I'm very happy about this baby I'm not excited. It's like I don't want to let myself get excited because the last time I was excited and it didn't work out. So when people squeal and say "oooooh you must be so excited!!" I'd say they think I'm a bit weird when I say "um yes" and change the subject.

You're not alone in feeling the way you do. Maybe once you get to feeling the kicks you'll feel a bit less anxious.

I'd imagine plenty people feel like us but don't speak about it

I think anyone who has previously had a loss understands you perfectly. I also think that a lot of us who frequent forums hear about pregnancy losses at almost every stage which terrifies us. I know people in real life who've lost at various stages too, which is tough. With these stories it makes it so difficult to relax at any stage. It's ignorance for anyone to think that after the first trimester all is well but on the other hand, there is a higher chance it is going to be fine so it is a good thing to try and focus on that rather than focus on the anxiety.

What I say to myself is that once you become pregnant the anxiety starts and it never ends when you become a mother, it just increases ten fold as you are responsible for another human being. I therefore allow myself to be anxious but just try and bring the positive thoughts higher than the negative thoughts to keep me sane!

Lots of support on here, which is good

I can relate to what you're saying; I mc my first and was quite nervous when pregnant with my ds. I also found the stage you're at particularly difficult (first trimester symptoms were going which was the first thing I noticed when I miscarried). I found the hypnobirthing cd's very useful for general relaxation and building a connection with ds while pregnant - I definitely wouldn't normally consider it my sort of thing but i would use it again.

I hope everything goes well for you this time