AIBU to not want some 'friends' invited to baby shower?

[lydiangel83]

I'm first time pregnant due in November and one of my friends has said she'll organise a baby shower for me. I wasn't sure I wanted one and have asked for no presents but it would be nice to get a bunch of friends together before baby arrives. My friend who's organising is a close mate from uni, there were 6 of us that lived together but 2 of the girls I'm really not in contact with. I only see them through the friend whos organising shower and I didn't include them on my list of people for her to invite. Last few times I've seen them (at events organised by other people) I've found them very annoying, selfish and judgemental.

I've never been close to them (we all just lived together 15 years ago for a year!) and I am reminded that they know little about their lives and I know little about theirs these days. Nor do I care!

I don't really want them there but my friend who's organising is already stressed by work etc and she said to me she couldn't not invite them. I said ok but then DH went mental as he knows how I feel about them. I don't want to stress my friend out further, but I don't want them there either.

Any advice or AIBU??

*i meant that they know little about my life these days and I know little about theirs

It's your baby shower. Of course she shouldn't invite them.

Just send a text and say you've thought about it and it wouldn't be appropriate for X and y to come, as you're not close and this is a small gathering.

It's fair enough to ask her not to invite them. I also would ask her to call it a baby get together or something if you don't want gifts, the whole point of a baby shower is gifts so people will bring them anyway.

"but then DH went mental"

Do you mean he said "Oh, I thought you weren't friends with X and Y- I wonder why they've been invited?"

But yes, of course it's OK to want them there. Bit tricky if they've already been invited, though.........

@BertrandRussell he was frustrated because he knows I spend a lot of time doing things for other people and he knows I don't like / want them there. They've never been to our house before and I don't want them here judging me/ us.

@BertrandRussell invite not sent yet as friend too busy with work...

Of course YANBU to want only people you see regularly there. But If you don't want presents then don't call it a baby shower - the point of a baby shower is that the mum to be is 'showered' with gifts. Just call it a pre baby meet-up or something.

@NerrSnerr have asked my friend already not to call it that but good point to remind her... she doesn't understand or agree with it but has not had her own pregnancy/ kids yet

It sounds like it will be stressful for you to have them there so just say to your friend organising that it is worrying you and making you feel uncomfortable so you'd rather they didn't come im sure if she's a true friend she will put your worries before hers op

Tbh I would tell your friend that your definitely don't want her to spend her time doing this, and organise a nice trip our with people you like.

What?

Tell your friend not to invite those not on the list. If she is stressed, take over the organisation of it yourself.

Fwiw i had a Hallowe'en party in my own house organised by me with my favourite people, DS was due at the end of Nov. I thought it could be the "last hurrah" before knackered nethers and sleep deprivation kicked in.

The only person to bring gifts was a friend with two DSs, she brought a suitcase of clothes! It was fab!

I made my own outfit: the Alien popping out of my tummy with blood and guts! It even had teeth

We didn't play any babyshower games, we didn't have photos of DH and I as babies dotted about etc. Nibbles, fancy dress, creepy music.

Did your husband really 'go mental'? Or is that hyperbole?

If they'd already been invited I'd probably leave it, in the grand scheme of things it's not a massive issue (unless you've had an actual falling out). As the invites haven't gone out yet I'd just be blunt/honest with the organiser "can you not invite X and y please, I only want my closest friends there, sure you understand?". I can't see why she'd take offence at that.

@elQuintoConyo just hyperbole sorry - he was just frustrated for me at the situation. He is a very calm gentle man :)

I feel a bit weird telling my friend I will organise it myself. I would rather someone organised it and respected my wishes. My mum / MIL keep calling it baby shower and I keep correcting them. They are both a bit frenetic as first grandchild on both sides and both a bit crazy in general anyway!

Change venue so not at yours

Tbh the baby showers I've gone to /mine have always been at best friends house /nice pub etc - bar one

You don't want the hassle of tidying up at yours