Reassurance needed! Will my marriage stay happy?!

[WarwickAlice]

How did your relationship change after having your first baby?

Of all the things I am worrying about with having our first baby, I am more worried about our relationship than anything else. We love each other and our lives together and I just hope we don't lose that. I really hope we don't end up growing apart or rowing all the time. We very rarely argue. There are no 'cracks' or 'alarm bells' or anything like that that would explain my worry, and we are both very excited about becoming parents.

Anyone know the feeling, or had the same worry? Did things turn out ok in the end?

Our relationship after 3 kids in 5 years is undoubtedly stronger. It's also completely different. And we've had more rows since they were born than we ever had before. Mainly at 3am...

We have an 18mo dd
Married for 4y
Together for 9y

Marriage absolutely happy as can be even following the birthouse of our dd. Dd has a medical condition which has meant a lot of ops in her 18m and just 2 months ago major surgery and we're honestly stronger than ever

We have really joined together as a team and have grown stronger than ever.

Birthouse? Ha birth

Everyone says a baby is the biggest test of any relationship and I would agree to some extent. Tiredness for us was a big issue but honestly if your relationship is in a good place it's not the nail in the coffin it's made to be. We've had some of the funniest and happiest moments together since becoming parents and seeing what a wonderful father my dh is makes me love him all the more. I literally can watch him playing with ds and my heart swells with love and pride.

We don't get much time on our own these days and some days we do end up competing for the who's more tired trophy but the happier days outweigh those. Good luck with your pregnancy.

Thank you for your lovely message- I hope I can say the same in a few years. My friend said something similar about the arguments at 3am!

I haven't given birth yet but I have had HG, which has put a huge strain on us both. I've been bed bound for months and generally left unable to do most simple chores. DH has had to take on the lion's share of the chores while working full time, but he's been great. It's shown me I can rely on him to support me, no matter how tough it gets. So I hopefully that we'll get through the newborn stage ok. That said, we've agreed to disregard anything said between the hours of midnight and 7am! Anything snapped at 4am doesn't count

This is exactly what I needed to hear. I hope things will be ok for us xxx

Thank you everyone xxx

Our relationship is definitely as good, if not better than before. We love each other madly and are forever bonded by our experience and our shared child (who is 10 months). The first couple of months are hard, and you're both so tired, but you get through it. Also, our sex life is still great and we fancy each other loads and still have the side of our relationship that's just about us, and is separate from being parents (that was a worry for me). Try not to worry! Good luck with your baby - it's hard but wonderful!

Thank you for your messages; they have really made me feel like there's hope! So much stuff out there says that life will change unimaginably and your relationship will suffer, and it's been making me so sad, worrying that I've made the biggest mistake of my life.

I was very anxious about my relationship with DH when pregnant with DD. I was convinced he was going to leave me as soon as the baby was born. I was very upset and irrational about it all and spent a lot of time crying. Within a week or two of DD being born our relationship was probably stronger than ever.

I am currently pregnant with DC2. Whilst not as anxious and irrational as in my first pregnancy, I still have moments where I'm worried about our marriage etc. I try to take a minute to calm down and remind myself that those pesky pregnancy hormones are distorting my thoughts again. If there was nothing wrong with your marriage before, perhaps hormones are letting your thoughts get away with you??

Yes marriage after children is different. You will need to plan a little more to spend quality time together, and you probably will snap at each other when you're tired or baby has been screaming for hours for an unknown reason. But you will share so much. And seeing your DH with your child may just make you fall in love with him even more :-)

You're relationship will suffer. I would put money on it. But obviously it's unlikely to be the end and it won't suffer forever.

Make sure you have some very frank conversations now about each other's expectations of how you will share the responsibilities of baby and house. Iron out those details now so there are no surprises.

Then just make sure you don't give up.

your, obviously