Not sure how I will cope

[BornToBeAPrincess]

I have 2 dds, 3 years and my youngest is just 6 months.
I?m only 23 and decided I didn?t want anymore children for a good few years yet. I?m still breastfeeding exclusively at home so I was taking the mini pill.
It gave me mood swings and my libido went downhill so I came off it and we used condoms. So I just can?t see how I?ve ended up pregnant. We?ve not had unprotected sex at all.
I?ve just started a new job, nothing special or well paid but I enjoy it. I?m on a 3 month probationary period so I don?t know how they are going to react to my pregnancy. And I?ve only been there 2 months so won?t get any maternity pay.
I?ve just accepted a place on an open university course which I was really looking forward to but now I probably won?t get time to do it.
Also, I?ve spent the last 3 months trying to get down to a size 8 which I have now just done. I?m scared I won?t be able to eat properly again after dieting like this which will hurt the baby.

My head is just all over the place. I?m really upset that I?m so self-centred that I can?t be happy about the pregnancy because of silly selfish reasons

congratulations!

what wonderful news!

You are in shock because this is what you didn't expect. Don't waste your time feeling guilty and worrying about work - you need a sit down and a pratical chat but stop being horrid to yourself.

You have a while to work out how you feel.

Now cut all this guilt stuff - let your head be all over the place and give yourself some breathing time and thinking time.

Thanks

I'm worried they'll sack me if I tell them before the end of my probationary period so I'll have to wait a month.
Also I'm the only woman that works there so they'll have never dealt with maternity leave before.

I'm sure when it sinks in properly I'll be ok.

is there an HR person you can see in confidence? I know there are some HR types on here so if that really is a worry then maybe post under another title (e.g. HR advice needed-pregnant) but this news is so new - get used to it and give yourself some breathing time.

I am very happy for you and more than a little jealous!

Theres no HR person, its a really small company. But my boss is lovely and has 3 kids of his own.
I'll wait till 12 weeks and tell him, hopefully he won't sack me!
I'll just have to make excuses to avoid our weekly go-karting and alcohol trips!

it will be fine - you will be fine - you are just in a state of shock and confusion but it will all be fine.

CONGRATULATIONS AGAIN!

don't let this confusion overshadow it.

Hi - even if your company sacks you during your probationary period, it is grounds for unfair dismissal so you can take them to a tribunal for sex discrimination regardless of how long you have been there. In preparation for the worst, ensure that you print out any emails and the like praising your conduct so, should you be let go when you let your boss know, you can prove the grounds for it.

Hope that this helps. Good luck!

Congratulations! I'd second everything that's already been said, you're in shock and I think most pregnant women have days when it seems completely overwhelming (I know I do, and I'm 19 weeks). You're allowed to think about yourself as well as the baby so don't feel guilty or selfish.

Workwise, they can't sack you and you're not obliged to tell them early on anyway, so give yourself some breathing space. You might find that they treat you much better because you're the only woman! Go-karting might not be the best option but I've seen some great excuses for explaining the not drinking on here - say you're on antibiotics, or if they know you've been dieting say it's a new detox thing you're trying. The diet shouldn't affect what you can eat, and might even help you avoid all the junk food that's so tempting! And I'm sure you'll have time to do the OU course, or even defer it for a year.

Just remember to breathe and take it all in, no one needs to know or will be able to tell just yet so let yourself get used to the idea!

I understand your shock - you are not being selfish you are entitled to your feelings.

I felt a bit the same when I found out about pg2. I was on a probationary period too and I was worried. However, when I did tell my boss he said what wonderful news and was really pleased for me. So it might not be anywhere as bad as you think.

The important thing to remember is that you are still really young and that you will still be able to achieve everything you want to do. Open University will wait and you can work at your own pace. When I was at university I met a woman who had 3 kids by your age and she went on to have a fantastic career as a barrister (and had a size 8 figure). Her approach was that she could have everything - she had her family and once her kids were at school, she could have good career.

Don't be hard on yourself for feeling the way you do. Allow yourself time to get over the shock and then enjoy your pregancy. Good luck (and congratulations!)

Hi BornToBeAPrincess

Lots of thoughts here, but with regards to maternity pay, I think you will qualify...

If you have just become pregnant, and you have already worked there 2 months, you will qualify.

The rule is that you have to have worked there 6 months by the "15th week before the baby is due".

In other words, by the time you are 25 weeks pregnant, you have to have worked there 26 weeks.

So basically, you just had to be working for them before you became pregnant.