Newly upduffed and laden with questions. Homebirth, cloth nappies?

[Sundaylunchhappy]

Hello.

Can't quite believe I've graduated to this board after years of lurking on conception.

Dh and I are thrilled to bits to know we've got a new human on the way, excited, scared, happy... you name it I'm feeling it.

This is the first baby for both of us and it's been quite a journey to get here. However now we are here I've realised that for all my useless knowledge about pram types, I have no idea what happens next.

My booking appointment is scheduled on the 21st August, so I'm around 4.5 weeks... very early days I know.

Questions as follows:

I'm really interested in home births, everyone I know who has had babies have said I'm mad/irresponsible especially as we live about 30 minutes away from the hospital. Any experiences on home birthing a first baby?

Cloth nappies, totally get the savings to both our coffers and the environment. Can I use these from the get go? If I had to give birth in hospital will they refuse cloth on hygiene grounds?

Baby equipment, we live in a very old cottage, has a lovely Belfast type sink that doesn't require leaning over. Also a big bouncy coach pram from family that could double up as day bed/bouncer. Do I have to have all the other stuff too? Baths/bouncers etc?

At the moment I'm happily tending my veg patch day dreaming about what life will be like a year from now. However as soon as I talk to baby gurus (which is apparently everyone) I'm a bit arrghh.

Cloth nappies can absolutely be used from birth. First few poops are a bit gross so you may want to use a liner to protect the nappy. Personally I swapped to cloth once poos had become consistent.

No idea on home births.

DD had her first baths in Belfast sink too. We do use a baby bath now (she's 17m).

Congratulations!
I was asked at my booking appt if I had considered a home birth as in my area the midwives are very supportive of home births for first babies if low risk. They seem to suggest this varies by area though. So I'd discuss at your booking appt.
It's my first pregnancy and when the mw asked, I hadn't considered the birth at all as I was only 9 weeks and tbh hadn't thought past the dating scan! So as you're thinking about it already, it a really good opportunity to talk it through then. I wish I had been a bit more prepared for the question!

Thank you for the reply honeysucklejasmine

Hadn't thought about the initial deposits in the nappy department. I'm I right in thinking a cut up old pillowcase to line and dispose of is still better than having to buy a pack of nappies?

We aren't poor by any means, but detest waste and would rather stash money for being able to do things as a family.

Thanks TonicAndTonic I'm probably a bit too keen with all my ideas and questions as I've spent the entirety of my best friend's pregnancy struggling with fertility issues and just absorbed everything she talked about like a jealous sponge!

I guess it's something I'll find out when we get to 8 weeks and have the conversation!

Regarding cloth nappies, go on the go real website and see if you have a nappy library nearby. Most of us hire newborn kits and all of us provide advice and support. If you want to make your own liners, thin fleece is brilliant as it wicks moisture away from baby. I made some out of an old hoodie I got for 10p in the charity shop. Feel free to pm me.

Congratulations! Lots of people manage without bouncers and baths and I always think you can buy things later if you need them.

I'm afraid I'm in the mad/irresponsible camp re: home births. I think I'm very risk averse as I just know too many people who've had births where there has been something unexpected which has required hospital treatment for mum or baby. I couldn't live with myself if my baby's treatment was delayed by 5 minutes, let alone 30. Thankfully everyone I know has had happy outcomes... but all as a result of fast hospital treatment.

I'm probably a bit too keen with all my ideas and questions

Quite the opposite OP, I actually think the NHS is so stretched these days that you need to have all your questions lined up for those hard-won appointment slots with a medical professional! I always come away then think of all the things I should have asked...

OP there's lots of information online about the pros and cons of homebirths for first birth. The bottom line is that all responsible homebirth advocates concede that a homebirth is slightly riskier for a first baby than a hospital birth - however, it does, of course, have other advantages, and you would be, IIRC, at lower risk of some interventions than if you were on a labour ward. A good compromise might be to see if there is a midwife-led birth centre you could go to - many are part of or attached to hospitals so transfer can be done quicker, but they are more relaxed and "homey" than labour wards. I had a lovely first birth in a midwife-led centre within my local hospital and fully plan to have my second at home. Ultimately you will have to weigh up the risks for yourself, including the fact that you're not very close to hospital should you need a transfer.

My top tip honestly is don't buy anything much yet and when you do buy, buy secondhand. I bought so much crap I never used (including 3 different baby beds) when baby ultimately spent his first 4 months in bed with me. Newborns need very little more than milk (free from boob), clothes and nappies for the first few weeks/months. Go to an NCT nearly new sale and you can pick up a lovely bouncer/moses basket very cheap.

No experience of cloth nappies, I just wanted to get the bum changed and the poo in the bin

With the homebirth I think I would just see how the pregnancy progresses before getting your heart set on it, my first was quite difficult and I was on the ward, my second was straight forward and a quick birth in the pool at the MLU, so could probably have birthed at home. I just liked the fact the MLU was nice and relaxing and quite hands off in it approach but if anything happened I could just be wheeled through to the ward, maybe this could be an option?

There is a page on facebook called the empowered parents lounge, quite a bit on homebirths there.

Good luck and congratulations

Thanks so much for all the replies.

I've been having a look online and can't seem to find much about nearby midwife led whatsits. I think with all the invasive stuff I've had in hospital over the last 18 months or so I just cannot imagine feeling remotely relaxed about birthing there. Fortunately dh is very supportive of me looking at all available options.

Nct sales sound good. Cradle and pram coming from dm, car seat and isofix nearly new coming from my ds and bil. Just don't want anyone thinking we're terrible parents for not having many gizmos for our first dc.

Think I need to start a list of questions as TonicAndTonic makes a very good point.

Just don't want anyone thinking we're terrible parents for not having many gizmos for our first dc.

Actually it just makes you look like pros :) If you learn anything from having a kid, it's that it's mostly clueless, anxious first-time parents who fall prey to the marketing bullshit and end up spunking a lot of money on stuff they never use.

You have lots of time to think about the birth and you can change your mind at any time, including when you're in labour, so don't worry too much about that aspect for now. It sounds like it would be very worth checking out Hypnobirthing, as a lot of people find it very beneficial in helping them feel calm and in control whatever kind of birth they end up having.

Homebirth: I attempted one but had to transfer, nothing terrible though.

Cloth nappies: tried a few and they were all shite. Too much expensive expensive experimenting for my liking but I suppose if keeping waste down is very important to you.

I had my first (and only) baby at home. It was a straight forward, fast, and amazing experience. I felt completely relaxed and in control all the way through. The midwives sat around drinking tea and eating biscuits. I had a water birth. Baby was 10 days early and waters broke at 9:30am, I was sitting on the sofa with her at 4pm.

I hate hospitals, the thought of them make me feel anxious, so I wanted to avoid it as much as possible. Being at home made me feel in control, and in turn made me feel more relaxed. I live 25 mins from the nearest hospital.

ToneDeafHamster you are possibly my new favourite person. Can I ask how long ago that was? Did you feel you had to "put your foot down" to get the birth you wanted?

Sorry Scooby dh is a bit of an anorak when it comes to the environment and our best coupley friends have won us both over, he just knows that he will have to pitch in with laundry at weekends because it could never "all be done" with a pooing machine full time!

Sundaylunchhappy

It was three years ago now. I did have a rather prickly midwife who tried to put me off as much as she could (weirdly, she had had both her babies at home!), but I was adamant in my decision, so she gave up eventually. I was under a consultant at the hospital for a thyroid thing, she told me to ask him. He just shrugged and said no problem with a home birth. That surprised her.

I am no martyr and if things had gone pear shaped would've have been blue lighted without hesitation. But I believe that my state of mind was a huge part of the birth, and being at home, relaxed and feeling in control kept things going at a good pace. Quite fast really, I went from one centimetre dilated to eight in the space of an hour, so pretty intense, but over relatively quickly. I was in a state of shock for a while! It was an amazing experience, one I am very proud of.

Home births- I think it might be dependent on your area op. In my area they are quite open to them, mw are quite supportive I think. It might be something to think about as they asked me about where i'd like to give birth at my booking in appointment, although it could be changed at any point. I decided not to go for a home birth for a number of reasons and as things turned out I wouldn't have bee able to have one anyway. There is a study called Birthplace study I think that gives some decent data if I remember rightly.

Cloth nappies. With my first we couldn't use them (tiny kitchen wouldn't fit a washing machine and the laundrette down the road we used wouldn't wash them). With my second I actively chose not to after seeing and hearing friends who did. Of my friends who used them for years and used disposable ones for a couple of weeks to begin with. New borns goes through a lot of nappies and they just had too much else too think about.

Stuff- I'm quite a fan of kit but even I admit we bought too much! No one will judge you for not having gizmos.

I'm hoping to use cloth nappies and have asked on here for advise in the past, you'll find some very knowledgable people on here. I'm still a bit by it all, but I think the main advise is to either hire some or buy a couple from each different make as some fit some babies better than others. I have also been told that you may want to use disposables for the first couple of weeks or something as some of the one size nappies can be lose on newborns. So far I have bought three mio nappies as they were on offer in the middle aisle of wonder at Aldi. I'll have a look for others as and when.
I'd definitely agree with buying second hand. There's always an element of 'keeping up with the joneses' when it comes to baby equipment. But I think of it this at, if you don't buy that £900 pram, how many days/weeks extra maternity leave could you have? I bought a second hand 1970's silver cross pram for £65 because I fell in love with it. I know it won't last long, but I plan on using my old faithful pram which i used with my 12 and 9 year old. It's old and isn't at all fashionable but it'll do just fine. The only things we plan on buying new is the cot mattress and the car seat.
Congratulations xx

Cloth nappies are ace. We used them from about 2 months old and wish we'd switched sooner. If we had another baby though we'd still buy a packet of newborn-size disposables to use in the first few days until the meconium is all cleared through and poo is normal. (Meconium is a bugger to clean!) But I know people who did use them right from the start even in hospital - brought wet bag into hospital, dirty nappies went in there, dad took it home to wash every day.

I used cloth nappies for the first year before I went back to work, I probably spent more on them than I would have done on disposables because the patterns are irresistible! I found a Lakeland heated dryer really useful for drying nappies indoors. Sunshine is the best thing for bleaching the poo stains though!
If you are going to use cloth nappies, then it is really easy to use reusable wipes as well, such as Cheeky Wipes.

Yes ladybunnikins I agree, it seems a bit daft washing nappies and buying packs of wipes when they can be chucked in the wash too.

I have however promised my dsis that I will provide "normal" kit for her when babysitting.

It sounds like we've told the world... we haven't, our family just know it's something we've been planning/wanting/hoping for for a long time.

Hi OP I'm afraid I have no advice whatsoever (currently 21weeks with DC1) but just wanted to say congratulations- It's a long old road for some (took us nearly 4 years ttc) but it's so wonderful when you finally get there.
The irony I found was I had at least a dozen fertility / ttc books, read every website, been on every infertility forum and downloaded every ovulation app.
However I had been too anxious and terrified of jinxing it, and thinking it would never happen to even look at actual pregnancy books/ websites, so when we got our bfp we had no clue about pregnancy and birth!
Hope it continues to be as exciting as mine has (currently feeling baby wriggling away and it's amazing!)

Hi there. Congratulations!
We had two home births in the sitting room 2.5 years apart.
It was ace both times for different reasons ds1 took a long time 36 hours and because we were at home no body faffed with me trying to get things moving. It was all v calm.
Ds2 took a couple of hours from start to finish so there would have been no point in driving 20 mins to the hospital 😁

We used a combination of cloth nappies for home and the slightly more eco friendly brands of disposable for out and about. This worked for us.

People will give you loads of advice. Mine is trust your own instinct. There are no two families in the world who parent in an identical manner. Find what works for you and you will be ace !!

I recommend two very active and very supportive FB groups, if you're on FB:

Cloth Bum Mums - Fluffy advice and chat

and

Home Birth Chat Group UK

Be warned, some of the home birthers are a bit overzealous and have an unhealthy distrust of the medical establishment... Don't fall too far down the rabbit hole

I recommend getting a pool for home birth, it's lovely We bought ours as a full kit brand new for about £130 and sold for £80 afterwards, so it actually worked out cheaper than hiring one or buying one second hand and then having to buy extra bits, new liner etc.

I had noble ideas at your stage. My advice is to find out about the way you hope to be but to accept that you will need to be pragmatic. I chose breastfeeding over cloth nappies, a hospital waterbirth over a home birth and being open to second hand stuff. Some friends who were going to be fabulous at birth had emergency sections, some had inductions. Some friends had high needs babies and didn't wash for three weeks.
My advice is to remember that a third person is involved and they may not be on board with your plans :)

Congratulations!

First time home birth is twice as risky for death or serious injury to the baby as first time hospital birth. I am horrified yet again to see posters above whose midwives seem to ignore or gloss over this fact. Add a half-hour journey and I would say absolutely no way but obviously opinions differ. But please decide based on reality of risks, rather than how people wish things might be in soft-focus natural-loving websites.

On equipment, I'd say go as minimalistic as you like but I have found a bouncer chair or similar to be invaluable as somewhere safe to put the baby while awake but cannot be held or in a sling. I used mine when showering, cooking, drinking a hot drink, hanging washing on the line and several other times a day for the first several months. If you will the only adult at home during the day on maternity leave, what will you do with the baby for any of these things?

Cloth nappies are also a big no for me, I'm guessing we have different approaches to life! But yes if in hospital, I imagine they would much prefer or insist on disposable especially if in a shared ward for infection control.