Partners reaction to pregnancy

[Newbie12345]

Hi there, I'm late 30's and just found out I'm pregnant. My partner and I have been together over 4 years but don't live together as he lives with and cares for his mum (grew up without his dad and no siblings). We hadn't planned this but as daunted as I feel I still feel pleased I think but his reaction is throwing me a bit. He says he wants to be happy about it and keeps apologising for feeling the way he does and letting me down feeling this way but that's how he currently feels which makes me sad. He said he'd always imagined a time like this to be such a happy occasion and think he's not sure himself why he feels like this. He says he wants kids but it's the timing, I say there's never a perfect time and given my age if we want children this might be our chance. I think he feels paralysed by the shock just now, he can't sleep or eat. Any suggestions how I best support him I don't want him making himself ill. Do you think it's just the shock? Any thoughts very welcome and much appreciated

Sounds like he's definitely just in shock and it's really common so don't worry he will come round. It's a big thing to take in for most men and sometimes they react differently! Congratulations

Thank you Dede124, I hope it's the shock and he's ok. We're solid but I think he thinks it will affect our relationship which I guess it will but hopefully the bond we'll have as a three with strengthen it too, though I don't underestimate there will be challenges along the way too. Think I'm still coming to terms myself too, to say the word pregnant, baby and booking antenatal appointments I feel like I'm in a bit of a daze! Thanks for replying,L x

It's such a big life changing thing and don't feel guilty for your feelings. I'm 29 weeks now and still in shock 😆 you will have ups and downs along the way but you will get through it together xx

Congratulations! It's a big shock, and can be daunting especially if he's already got caring responsibilities. Does he have any other help with his mum e.g. social services carers?

He's obviously pretty self aware about how he's feeling and seems to be communicating with you, which is good. The other thing that sprang to mind was, does he have a history of depression/anxiety? Not saying that he is definitely depressed, but the degree of shock and the not eating/sleeping just made me wonder. Depression is not uncommon in carers and if something has been simmering, maybe the shock has brought it to the surface?

This is all pure speculation based on little info, but just wanted to put it out there in case it feels like something worth looking into.

Either way, I hope that you both get your head around things and begin to feel happier soon

Thanks Helly29. He works too so not 100% caring as such. I feel so confused, he says he's sad he feels like this as that this will tear our families apart....I think mine will be supportive. I keep thinking if he feel so against it then we have to consider all of the options and he obviously has a say. I'm so confused and sad by his reaction as he is? Can this still be shock do you think? I feel sick and crippled with fear about what will happen, I'm gutted he feels this is such a bad thing and can't see past all the negative...? I've booked in for a clinic appointment a week tomorrow but need to make sure that we make the right decision and don't live out lives regretting it.