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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Advice needed please

8 replies

katerebeccaxxx · 23/07/2017 16:49

Hi,

i don't know if anyone's been through anything similar but i just need to rant and get stuff off my chest.

i'm nearly 18 weeks pregnant, my partner is no longer involved. he decided he didn't want the baby so has gone off to do his own thing. i said i'd support the decision whatever it was as i feel as though being a dad needs to be genuine and i wouldn't ever force anyone. course i have been left heart broken by this but have managed to pull through and be positive.

after finding out i was pregnant he gave me a lot of verbal abuse and i had no choice but to block him for a bit as i couldn't cope with what he was saying. it was unplanned so i was still trying to cope myself.

however, he has recently taken up a job which is a good 5 hours in the car from me on a good day. he brags about it everywhere and i just find myself getting so wound up as i'm saving and working full time for our baby. which i don't mind and i want to do and to give my baby the best it just hurts seeing how much his life hasn't been affected by this. the thing is aswell, he had got back in touch with me last week saying he missed me and wanted to make it work with me. he didn't even know when i was due or how many weeks i was and he hasn't asked 😂

anyway i met him the other night to discuss what was going to happen. he didn't listen to anything i was saying and he kept saying i can't expect him to quit his job and move back and money is important to him! i tried to compromise and asked him to tryfor the baby and support me and just at least give me a bit of respect. he's not told any of his family either.

i just feel so drained we couldn't compromise at all and he just didn't seem bothered.... this was the other day and we've not spoken since 😒 i don't know what to do or even say anymore. i've given him enough chances and i'm just sick to death of him doing what he wants and not understanding how much he's bloody hurt me 🙁 i understand he's shocked but giving me mixed signals such as saying "i'm glad you're pregnant i've always wanted a kid" yet not even committing to coming to a scan with me just pissed me off!! there was no emotion whatsoever in his face or even body language and his phone kept pinging with other girls texting him. 😶

i feel bad for the baby that i can't make him want to be there. he said he will be home "most weekends" but he can't commit to anything. i said this wasn't good enough and i want my baby to have a dad who puts the baby first.

am i just hurting my child by even letting him get away with it 🙁 i don't even know what i'm trying to say by this but some people really aren't who they say they are. i look at couples who supported each other and i find myself getting so upset that i don't have that 😢

i'm fine sometimes but today i've really been struggling with it. i don't want to be an angry person but i'm just fed up! my main concern is the baby and that's who i've got to think of, just sick of the guilt trips!

OP posts:
Justhadmyhaircut · 23/07/2017 16:54

Advice?
Concentrate on your pregnancy. .
Don't put him on the birth certificate until he shapes up as a decent df to your baby. .
Your baby will be perfectly happy with a dm who loves it and isn't super stressed out about things over which she has no control. Step back and leave him to it. If he steps up them great. . If not you know it's not down to you.

Flowers and inform cms so he provides financially if nothing else.

katerebeccaxxx · 23/07/2017 16:58

@justhadmyhaircut Thank you for the reply! that's what i was thinking (about the birth certificate)

i can't help but feel guilty all the time that i can't make him see sense. i know i don't have any control over him or that whatsoever i think hormones just get the better of me most of the time.

i just needed to vent. 😊

OP posts:
motherchuckinhen16 · 23/07/2017 17:43

So sorry you are going through all this. I agree with the advice already given. I hope you have support from other family and friends. Only other advice I can give is to surround yourself with those close to you who love you and will love your baby and accept all the practical and emotional support they offer. There are lots of single parents out there who manage just fine. Good luck with everything x

katerebeccaxxx · 23/07/2017 18:53

aw bless you @motherchuckinhen16 thank you! it's much appreciated 😊 lots of love x

OP posts:
cherryontopp · 23/07/2017 19:37

He seems he's just not arsed quite frankly.

I don't have any advice but if this was me..

1)I wouldn't ask him again to make it work or see baby again as he doesn't sound committed or bothered what's so ever.

2) money's so important to him, I'd make sure I'd be claiming the maintenance and have some of this spectacular wage taken from him.

This man doesn't want to face his responsibilities as a father and like you said you can't make him see the baby, but you can make him pay for these responsibilities.

Neverknowing · 23/07/2017 21:29

Definitely don't have him on the birth certificate. He'll have the ability to mess with your child's life if you do this! Your child will be happier with one loving parent than an in and out arsehole dad and a stressed out mother imo. Make sure you claim maintenance, don't feel sorry for your ex so you don't claim. Your child deserves this money!
If I were you I wouldn't see him. He will mess with your head and your probably already going through a lot. Also the hormones may make you make bad decisions, you may act differently from how you would normally. Good luck and congratulations on your pregnancy!!

twinkle1972 · 23/07/2017 22:09

Can I ask a related question please? If you don't put name on birth certificate can it complicate things if you are trying to claim maintenance?

Neverknowing · 24/07/2017 20:22

No @twinkle1972. You can still claim maintenance, it's up to the father to prove they're not the father but if they then want to be on the birth certificate at that point yoh wouldn't have much of a case to refuse them.

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