When's the best time to tell a 4 1/2 year old he's going to be a big brother?

[ejt1764]

I'm now 13+3 and had a successful scan last week.

I lost 2 to mc last year - ds didn't know I was pg either time, just that I was ill (after mc).

I'm being really sick, and have problems with low bp this time.

Since the scan last week, people have started to talk about pg openly ... when should I tell ds (4 1/2) that I'm expecting a baby? Should I wait until sickness (hyperemesis) settles down - will he resent the baby making me ill?

Advice from those who've been in the same position please ....

not in same position but with my DS when I was pg we told him when I started to show.

DD is 4.3 and we told her at about 12 weeks because we didn't want her to hear other people talking about it. In hindsight I think she knew anyway! She didn't seem to connect the sickness I had with the baby in any way, although your DS is a little older.

I think your ds is old enough for him to be part of a really exciting time. I bet he'll have loads of questions, and you can show him any suitable material and talk about how his little brother/sister is growing.

And if he's part of it, he won't feel left out.

Congratulations!

I'm only 6+6, but I told ds (3 years and 4 months) almost as soon as I knew. You'd be surprised, but they do get the concept that "mummys growing a baby in her tummy". I've shown him pictures demonstrating basic embryology. He doesn't seem angry that the process of growing the baby makes mum sick, hungry all the time, and tired. I also showed him pictures of my bump at various stages when I was pregnant with him. The are smarter than we think.

He will not connect the sickness with the pregnancy unless you tell him that it is connected.
My ds is 4.5 and I am 32weeks pregnant with no.3. We told him after our 12 wek scan, and showed him the scan pictures, he remembered what they were as this is the second time he has seen it as my dd is only 19mths now. With her we didn't tell him until about 20 weeks as he was only 2.5. He loves me being pregnant, comments daily on my growing belly and is old enough to know that the baby will not come til after mummy b'day. He also remembers from dd that my tummy has to be HUGE before the baby is ready to come out.

I felt a little like you, I knew that he was not stupid and having seen and heard it all with dd, I didn't want him to pick up on anyone talking about it before we had told him. He is waiting very patiently for his new baby brother (he hopes) or sister to arrive.

I told my DS, who is almost 5, quite early on - definitely before 12 weeks (I am now 20). Mostly because I was suffering from the most God-awful morning sickness and had to sleep a fair bit. I felt quilty that I couldn't play with him and I wanted him to know the real reason why. He was SOOO excited! We've done the 'baby' talk and he's hoping for a brother. Every day he wants to hug my "big fat tummy" and talk to the baby and asks how big he/she is etc. He also now has a fascination with my "big boobies" which he keeps trying to kiss and asks if he will be able to have some milk too. It's all a bit of a worry... but a lovely one at that! Good luck!

Thank you very much for your advice - I was very anxious that he would resent this baby as it's made me so ill - but as you've all said that he won't connect the 2, then I think it's probably best to tell him.

Thanks all!

we got my son a book called 'there's a house inside my mummy' which he loves. it's a really sweet story about a little boy who's mummy is having a baby, and mentions mummy feeling sick and eating funny things. my son is nearly 3 and loves it - we have to read it every day! i'm not sure if 4 1/2 is too old for it (no experience of that age!) but it's on amazon so you could check it out.

ejt - my ds is only 3.8 but we told him after our scan last week! we had already told dd (2.2) cos we figured she wouldn't remember/ undrstand if anything went wrong in the first few weeks.

ds has been so excited and i was so excited to tell him! be prepared for lots of difficult questions though! first qu. he asked was " how did the baby get in your tummy?" and the next day it was "how will the baby get out of your tummy?!"

tell him soon! he will be really excited and it will be lovely telling him!!!

thanks greedy - I know you know where I'm coming from ....

Have you told? I ask because I'm 11 +4 with scan next Tuesday. DD's 7 and 5. MC last summer and big bleed after with hospitilisation and months of recovery so the girls were very aware of the negative effect of a pregnancy. Would love not to tell them until this one arrives ! obviously that won't be possible so would like to hear how it goes for you. I know it would be nice to have them excited, but in my case I'm not wanting 2 very anxious children. Hope all goes well whatever you decide to do.

Thanks Katsch for your good wishes - and mine to you too!

I haven't told him as yet - even though he had no idea about the mc last summer (similar circumstances to yours by the sound of it) - I'm still loath to tell him as yet.

We're going on holiday on Sunday - I'll probably tell him when we're on holiday or when we get back.

Good luck with telling your DCs - it's just not easy, is it?