Not very exited partner

[issy2165]

Does anyone have any experience with there partners being well not very exited. We've been trying for 6 months and I'm now 6 weeks pregnant. When I showed him the positive test he sort of just said nothing and said try again in 2 weeks that doesn't look very positive well it was and I'm 100% pregnant. Anyway since then he's not come to one docs appointment or my early scan because it's "boring" and said he won't have any love for the child until it can walk/talk no feeding or anything. It's kind of getting me down a bit I've wanted this for so long! Scan is 100% all okay perfect size heart beat etc I was so exited!

Is he going to exit or do you mean excited?

It's kind of getting me down a bit I've wanted this for so long!

Did he though? What did you discuss before. It doesn't sound like he wants a child to be frank.

Yeah we both agreed at the start of the year he's even been working out ovulation dates for me each month! It's crazy!

That is crazy!

So he isnt going to support you or even love your child or help with care until it is old enough to be walking / talking?!

If that is the case id question if you'd be better off without. A new dad being daunted is one thing being nasty is quite another.

Do they do scans at 6 weeks?

I had some bleeding and a lot of pain so I was referred for a scan that showed a ruptured cyst on my left ovary that was causing the problems luckily nothing to do with baby. He's got a 6 year old daughter with a previous partner and he's amazing with her! It's so hard I love him so much I just thought he would be happier than he is!

I think you have to remember that it's not really real for some men until the baby is actually here. If he already has a child from a previous relationship then he has already gone through this process before so won't necessarily be as new and exciting for him either.
I'm not trying to sound like I'm sticking up for him, maybe he's just trying not to get his hopes up and be as practical as possible until it feels a bit more real?

I agree with PP that it's hard for the dads to feel grounded in reality in the early days, but I also think that to say scans are 'boring' and that he won't love the child until they're walking/talking is bang out of order.

I really hope that this is just some kind of emotional reaction and he's not expressing himself well, OP, but I would be absolutely raging in your position.

Sending hugs.

I'm very independent myself and I was brought up without my father around so it's not going to bother me doing it alone as such but you know I just thought it would be different, I don't really care I have a little miracle growing inside of me so I'm very exited! Men!!!!

He might come around. My DH's reaction to a positive test was something along the line of 'Ah, ok' (pregnancy was planned)' He also thought that a baby might 'ruin his life'.

He was more supportive than your DP during the pregnancy, but very far from enthusiastic.

He's now taking six months parental leave and is amazing with DD.

Thanks for the reassurance I'm hoping he will come around to the idea!

Im 32 weeks and my husband still isnt anything like me in terms of the practicalities, getting sorted and excited etc and he hasnt been outwardly like this all the way through. It upset me at first but I think we,all have our own mental journey with something so big. Its also well recognised and part of human psychology for men not to become massively interested until the babies here and abit more interesting and 'useful' to them. Try not to worry about it, some men just dont get that part of things x

Huge congratulations op,I forgot to say

Do you have family or friends you can share your excitement with?

It takes guys longer to bond with a child, we get a 9 month head start.

Yeah my parents are really supportive and I have friends with young children/ pregnant so I have support:)

My DH was like this. Totally depressed throughout my pregnancy, Didn't want to come to any scans, and didn't attend the birth (I had an elective C section and he went down the road to get a fry-up in a caf).

DS is now 2 and a half and he's besotted.

Don't despair yet OP! My DH was the same until the baby started kicking and he could put his hand on my belly and feel him move. He LOVED doing that and got a lot more excited when that started happening. Now our son is 6 months old and he's completely in love with him and such a good dad.

Dp was more thrilled than me at first! Now he doesn't seem to acknowledge that I'm even pregnant!
He's a fantastic hands on dad with ds1 and know he will be with this one.
I think as a Pp said, it's not 'real' to them yet and we get a 9 month head start.
I'm sure all will change as soon as baby is in his arms!

My DH is a bit like DoubleHelix DH was. I know it doesn't feel very real for him, and has had thoughts that it would ruin his life. Having a baby is scary.

However my DH is more supportive than yours, and I do think not coming to scans isn't acceptable. Can you talk to him about it?

My partner was really shocked and upset at first, said it wasn't what he wanted. He did come to the first scan though and was great - the second one he was working. Hes got 2 kids from previous relationship that has great with so I suppose has seen it all before. However now at 27 weeks hes getting really excited and loves feeling the kicks. Give him time, I'm sure he'll get his head around it . Hugs.