To restrict unhelpful MiL's time with us after the birth?

[Chloris33]

My MiL is planning on coming (from overseas) for a week when new baby will be a couple of weeks old. She is totally non-maternal (my DH was brought up by his Dad not his Mum - relationship not great), and doesn't do anything domestic to help at all. It's always like having another dependent who expects to be fed. I'm dreading the thought of her visit during such early days with newborn. She doesn't like babies much, either. The one positive thing is that she will play a bit with our 2 year old. So I'd really like to restrict her visits to daytime when she can play with our toddler, but then send her to her accommodation for the evening and not have to cook for her. I know she will say let's just get takeaway, but actually I don't want to do that every night & will want some space. Is this possible or AIBU? DH finds his mum tricky but might find it hard sending her off for dinner, but I can just see him exhausting himself further by trying to do all the cooking and do toddler bedtime while I'm with baby and I know how angry I'll feel that she remains on sofa the whole time with her newspaper!

I think that she's coming a long way and it's only a week, I'd suck it up. Presumably you'll still be cooking for yourselves? Easy enough to do a bit more then pack her off afterwards saying you're getting an early night, which I'm sure will be true. It just seems a bit mean for her to have to eat alone every night.

How about getting some of the nicer ready meals in (Waitrose/M&S) so there is food there if she wants to stay but won't mean anyone slaving over a hot oven. Not ideal but possibly better than takeaway!

This might sound mean to some but if she's not already booked the trip I might suggest that she waits until the baby is a bit older and perhaps only come for a few days? Or could she spend a couple of days with just your DH and 2 year old and leave you alone to have a bit of quiet time with the baby ie go out for tea? I also don't think it's unreasonable to say look we understand you want to come and see your new grandchild but we're also only just adjusting to our new family with two children and it's definitely not unreasonable to want alone time as a family - you have a new tiny baby you shouldn't feel under pressure to entertain guests or provide food! It's tricky as she's travelling from overseas but there's no way if she lived in the same country you'd have her over for a week and especially not that early on - it's too much of an invasion! I know how much of a nightmare MILs can be... I hope you manage to find a solution

Her trip is all booked. She's actually not just in Europe to see us but is travelling around visiting various people/doing tours for a couple of months. And we've got her this week for a week as well as part of it (staying with us this week). Then she's coming back to see baby. Waitrose ready meals a possible plan. Yes, timing not ideal - we'll be needing to adjust as new family of 4...

Actsully just reflected on how hormonal I am right now (am 36 weeks) & pregnancy rage is no doubt fuelling my angst 😂

I'd get a big order from Cook in I think to keep effort to a minimum as I suspect in reality the hassle of getting rid of her will be greater than shoving something in the oven from the freezer. Enjoy your new baby OP and if it gets a bit much take you and baby up to the bedroom to rest.

What would happen if you told her you had the ingredients for xyz and would she mind prepping the veg while DH puts dc to bed?

Could you suggest that she does dinner or bath and bedtime with your other little one? Make the suggestion before she arrives as a "you would be doing me a huge favour" type of thing. I would also go with the easy dinners with some part baked baguettes in the cupboard for bulking in case she stays and straight for you guys in case she doesn't.