Pregnant and depressed

[Freedomi]

So I'm new to the site but am all out of options and would appreciate some impartial advice before I go out of my mind.

I found out I was pregnant last week, but knew something was up for a while as I was feeling off and kept going light headed at work. When I found out, I was on a school residential so couldn't tell baby's dad until this weekend as I didn't feel it was appropriate over the phone. His reaction was great and he was very calm and supportive, chatting me through the options, and saying he will not pressure me into anything and will go along with whatever I feel comfortable with.

I am not a maternal person and although I am a teacher, never let the urge to have kids of my own. I also have suffered from ovarian cysts from the age of 12 which have caused deep scarring on my ovaries and I was told by a specialist that getting pregnant might be difficult. I am also 31 and have been on the pill for most of my life. The guy I am with I have only been dating since may, and he is a couple of years older, with no kids or desire to be a father. We are still getting to know each other and this pregnancy is completely unplanned and has come as a shock to me as I believed it would be impossible.

I initially wanted to get rid of the baby as I feel that neither of us are ready, but since then, I find myself doubting this decision and visualising what the baby will look like, how I can cope etc. I cry myself to sleep every night, and that's if I can get to sleep. I see no right outcome here. If I terminate, I think I will regret the decision for the rest of my life, but if I keep the baby I know deep down the father doesn't want it and I don't want him to stay with me out of obligation. He joked he would marry me if I wanted to keep the baby which I know was his way of trying to cheer me up, but it's just broke me even more.
I know it's early days with him, but I really do love him and he is an unbelievable man who is perfect in so many ways, but when I told him I had made an appointment for an abortion in a couple of weeks, he said that an abortion would be 'awesome' as he was in so much debt. This broke my heart as I know that if I keep the baby, we will be over, but if I terminate, I can't stay with him as he will be a reminder of what I lost.

I have no idea what to do and don't want to talk to my family... my mum has passed away and I don't feel comfortable talking to my dad. I have a sister in law but she is due to give birth any day which isn't helping with what I'm feeling.
The only way out of this mess that I can see right now is not a nice one, but I feel that there's not much point of me being around if I'm going to be this unhappy for the rest of my life. I hope it's just tiredness and hormones making me feel this way but I can't go on.
Can anyone offer me any guidance or advice, or just a friendly word to say things might get better?
Sorry for the long post x

OP, sorry you're feeling this way

9 months ago I was in a similar position to you, just started seeing someone and found out I was pregnant, was on the pill and took the morning after pill but neither worked. We spent a couple of weeks talking about our options, starting off 90% sure we shouldn't go ahead (only just started seeing each other, was only meant to be a bit of fun after both our marriages ended, didn't know each other very well etc) but ended up talking ourselves into it and now we have a beautiful 3 week old daughter. It hasn't been easy but we've managed really well, he was amazing throughout the pregnancy and has been the best dad to her the last 3 weeks.

Sometimes it still feels like we're getting to know each other, which is strange as we've now got a child, but so far it's working and has been the best 3 weeks of our lives.

I'm not saying your situation will work out the same, because no one knows that, but it can, and does, work.

Good luck with whatever you choose x

feeling for you..

I am telling what I am feeling.. Its upon you to take or Not

I would prefer baby.. I can withstand a partner breakup.. but I know baby is mine he/she will love me without any condition.. yes it will be difficult alone... But baby always bring joys... not less than that.. If you consider him/her a person not a baby thing (And will truly realise after birth that he/she have been always a person with life ) ... the decision will be easy and always to keep. If partner stays and helpful that will double your joys...
and if you ask me ... 90% men never be ready for baby or a new responsibility until it arrives... Some of them become responsible but some still dont take it or get it... be confident about you and baby... ...men mostly stays when they see you confident enough for it.......... they also get boost.. and help themselves to see as father..
but if you yourself are not confident and try to lean on his shoulder... they feel like..
"wo wo hhh whhoo... stop stop stop... you yourself is responsibility on me and you are trying to put one more new baby responsibility as well... I just started enjoying my life...... and these is going to be shit..... I am alone not going to take these many responsibilities......... then if you are not sure to take up the responsibility ... why should I ?? ok ok ... get rid off everything.. all mess will be settled."
But he gets unaffected...... But YOU GET AFFECTED DEEPLY afterwards.. and in some corner you blame yourself as well as your partner and .. that relationship too... doesnt go very far unfortunately.

It might be worth seeing if there's someone you can have a chat with. Not sure if the local midwife team would have a contact but it could be worth a try. Hormones do a lot these early weeks, they have for me. Take your time. Some days I panic, others I'm happy it's all over the place and it's a planned baby.

Thanks for your responses everyone x
I'm a little calmer today and have spoken to a counsellor which has helped. Shame the baby's dad didn't come along as I think it might help him as I would hate it if he regretted the decision too.
I think I'll wait until my hormones balance out a bit more before making any rash decisions and if I do keep the baby and my boyfriend leaves then I'm not going to force him to be a father.