Not gender disappointment but...

[newbian]

Have DD already and most recent scan (20 weeks) looks like DD2. I'm happy for many reasons - sister for DD, don't have to buy two sets of clothing until they're older, can put them in same activities, etc as they'll be 2 years apart.

But...I kind of feel like I'll be missing out on having a son and the "ideal" family that has at least one of each. DH and I are stopping at 2 children so this is it.

Am I being silly to feel kind of wistful? Do other mothers of 2 of the same feel the same at first? Please don't be harsh.

Probably won't end well on here, these never do.

Fwiw, I have 2 DDs, always thought I would have one of each, now wouldn't change them for the world. I am thrilled to have two healthy DCs, genuinely don't care that I didn't end up with what I had expected.

I understand how you feel and I don't personally see a problem with it. I have a beautiful DD and pregnant with our second and last. Not finding out the sex until the birth but I do feel a bit anxious about it. I know DH would absolutely love to have a son and I'll feel bad for him if he doesn't get that opportunity. We'll both adore our new baby whatever sex it is but if it's a girl we will feel a little bit sad that we won't ever get to raise a boy.

I know what you mean. Society makes us think that we need one of each to have the "perfect" family and that anything less and we're somehow lacking.

I have 3 sons, and every time someone says "oh I bet you wish you had a girl" or "you trying for a girl?" or other such nonsense, makes me feel like I'm lacking in life for not having a daughter.

You are entitled to feel however you feel, you can't control that. 2 little girls will be really lovely, as lovely as one of each would be. But I do remember feeling like you after ds2 but the other way round!!

Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy and don't feel bad for feeling how you do

I have two DDs, they are best friends. I do not feel I'm missing out by not having a boy. I have also not had a single person ask if I'm going to try again for a boy. I think you're worrying about nothing.

No flaming from me!

Having one of each is definitely 'a thing' - I can't deny I was happy when dc2 was the opposite sex to dc1, and I got comments how lucky we were to have a perfect pair etc. Still do in fact and youngest is nearly 8! There's just a big and bizarre societal expectation that having at least one of each is best.

Also don't think that they will be doing the same activities, there's no guarantee they'll be anything like each other. My adult twin DSDs have always been so different you wouldn't even think they are related, and my DS and DD are more similar than most same sex sibling pairs I know. You will still be raising two unique children even if they are the same sex. :)

Just tried to express my thoughts to DH and he said he doesn't want to talk about anything other than happiness of a healthy baby. He's made me feel really stupid now

I know what you mean, but someone once phrased it well on here - whatever combination you have, you'll miss out on some experience eg if you have one of each, you miss out on raising two of the same, if you still at two you don't know what it's like to have three etc..

There is social pressure/media ideals of the perfect family which can be deeply ingrained. Do you have a brother op? I have a theory that a lot of people picture having what they grew up with (if they were happy). I always pictured having two girls, but now DS is here couldn't imagine anything different.

*stop, not still

I don't think you're being silly, I know my DP would love a DS but he wouldn't change DD for the world.

We might try for another dc and he says he's fine with either but I know secretly he'd be thrilled with a DS as would I tbh.

That doesn't mean we're disappointed with DD's we love them to bits and can't imagine our lives without them.

I have one of each and people (usually at bus stops) often comment things like 'a complete set' 'ah you're done now' 'lucky you one of each' etc etc. But I just think it's idle chit chat. I say to people who have two of the same 'oh how lovely they'll be best mates' and that sort of thing. It's just polite chatter. I don't think anyone really feels that one of each is better than two of the same or vice versa. Just like I do t really think anyone cares how much a newborn weighs, but they still ask!!

We're not having another, so this isn't actually a live issue for me, but I think having two of the same is better than one of each. I think two boys or two girls are more likely to be close and be good friends. My view of this is probably coloured by having a brother that I did not get on with at all growing up.

I think there's always an element of this. We have one of each, and I still wonder a little wistfully what their little sister/brother would be like. I suspect it's nature's wwy of trying to push you to procreate more!

To give you the reverse - DMIL's first words to me after being wheeled out of theatre were 'oh what a shame it isn't another DS, they would have been so close
It's about your expectation I suppose, please don't flagellate yourself for feeling like this though.
I'd have loved 3 x DS
Congrats too btw

I wanted two the same and got them (boys) now 19 and 21!

All my friends only have boys too....weird.

I don't get the big deal about people having a preference. It's not a case (for the majority, although I'm aware it happens) that a new family won't accept, love and raise the child. It's just a preference. We all have preferences and some of us have things we are more passionate about.

I have my preferences as does DP. They don't exactly mash up, and neither of us are passionate about it, would just prefer for our own reasons.

We both understand each other's reasons, whilst agreeing they are valid we don't they are big enough to change our own opinions.

helly29 yes actually both DH and I are from 2 child families, one boy one girl. So that's the "standard" family in my mind I guess.