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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Anyone else fed up with grandparents who have their hearts set on one gender?

34 replies

canadianmum · 25/03/2007 10:56

I have beautiful twin boys and am now pregnant with my third child. DH and I really couldn't care less whether we have a girl or boy and are not planning to find out.

HOWEVER, my mother, father and mil are all desperate for a granddaughter and feel they have to mention it EVERY time I speak to them. It is really winding me up, especially when my mil says that she is "praying every night for a girl". FFS! Then my Dad told me that he knows I want a girl, I just won't admit it -

Anyone else getting this? Any snappy comebacks? I almost don't want to speak to them anymore.

OP posts:

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saltire · 25/03/2007 11:09

I got this with my Dss,and only from MIL !. It was especially bad with DS2, as MIL had 3 grandsons by this point. My 2 are now 9 and 7 and she still occasionally says to DS2 "I wish you had been a girl". She actually went out and bought girls clothes because she was so convinced he would be a girl. When DH called her to say he had been born, she replied "Well I thought it might have been a girl, you've really disappointed me".
Sorry have no comebacks to say to tehm, if i had something to MIL I wouldn't have stopped! Good luck though.

vicky55 · 25/03/2007 11:17

My mil told my sil she was pissed off we are having another girl because she has lots of boys toys at her house that wont be played with now.As usual im not allowed to say anyting to her.

Uki · 25/03/2007 13:18

I just can't wait till I'm older and can say crap like this NOT

Honestly it's weird isn't it, don't they realize it's not what we want to hear from them. My mother does this too, she seems to idolize girls, but also wanted one of each sex for grandchildren.

I think they make these comments because they are bored and have nothing else to think about.

PurpleLostPrincess · 25/03/2007 20:40

I certainly hope I don't turn out like this when I get older and my children start to have their own children!

Why can't they understand that you have no control over the sex of the baby whatsoever and that you are going to love it whether its a boy or a girl - period!?

I've got one of each so everybody keeps asking me if I'm bothered whether this is a boy or girl - I feel the same way, I just want it to be healthy and it will be loved either way.

I suspect my DH secretly wants a boy (he is the last boy in his family so it would be nice to carry on the surname) but at the same time, this is his first baby so he's not going on about it at all. I don't think he'll be upset if its a girl, again, he will love it either way!

whywhywhy · 25/03/2007 20:54

My dad (father of 2 girls) said on hearing about my current pregnancy

'well of course it HAS to be a girl this time'.

Really dad? I am sure that the fetus will now rearrange its chromosomes in order to fit with your plans

It is of course a boy and he has shown absolutely nil interest in the pregnancy or the prospect of his second grandchild ever since.

lizziemun · 25/03/2007 21:02

I had this from MIl, as sil has two girls already.

DH fell about laughing when i pointed out as she was a qualified nurse i would have thought her training would have taught how it worked when it comes to the gendor of babies, but i could explain again if she had forgotten.

taylormama · 25/03/2007 21:02

snappy comebacks - how about (in a voice dripping with sarcasm)"i am praying for a pleasant MIL who doesn't make inappropriate comments to a pregnant women who has already borne her 2 healthy, beautiful grandchildren?"

Pinkchampagne · 25/03/2007 21:07

I got sick to death of this when pregnant with DS2!
My parents are very pro girls, only wanted girls, had girls & wanted grandaughters!
I have 2 DS's, & mum was a bit taken aback that DS1 was a boy, but got used to the idea when he arrived. However, when I was expecting DS2, they all expected a girl!
Dad used to say to me "Look after my grandaughter" when I was pregnant, and I would tell him we didn't know what sex the baby was, to which he would reply "Well I already have a grandson!"
I also spotted a baby dress hanging in mum's wardrobe, when I was expecting DS2, which she later gave to a friend!!

Now, when she hears someone has had a girl following a boy, mum gets all OTT extatic, and says "Oh how wonderful - she has her girl!!"
It all really winds me up!

Now all pressure is on my sister (who is yet to have children) to produce the grandaughter!

moondog · 25/03/2007 21:08

I'm just appalled that these people can be so thoughtless and selfish.
I would have told them to fuck off to their faces.

snipersmum · 25/03/2007 21:14

I had this too from the moment I had my second boy - my father kept on and on and on about how we needed to have another one, that we should have a girl etc etc. I accidentally fell with no 3 (not born yet, but we think its a girl from the scans) and they are acting as if we have finally 'done as we're told' if that makes sense - it's enough to make me want to go and get a playdough willie and hide it in the nappy..... then mother said 'well, I think you're very selfish not going for number 4 - I always wanted four children' after dh went for the snip. To which I replied 'my role on this planet is not to produce endless babies for you to coo over 3 times a year or boast to your friends about' (bit rude, but )

shouldbe · 25/03/2007 21:14

My PIL were very insistant that a family can't be happy unless well balanced by having a boy and a girl I was hoping that baby number 2 would be a 2nd girl just to shut them up and prove we could be happy with 2 girls but it was a boy (who I love dearly and am very happy with) but I can't deny being annoyed cos they are smug in their "knowledge" that things are best this way

snipersmum · 25/03/2007 21:15

yes, smug, that was the word I was looking for.

FrannyandZooey · 25/03/2007 21:20

How rude. I would tell them that constantly talking about this subject is upsetting you and you would really appreciate it if they drop it. Ask them how they think you are going to feel if the baby is a boy. Tell them that you feel sad that they seem to only care about the gender. Ask them how their other grandchildren will feel if they pick up on this!

GreenandBlackOtter · 25/03/2007 21:20

its so so rude isn;t it

when we had ds4 (!) yes 4 - someone eaned out of their car window to congratu.ate dp and said and i quote 'congratulations on the new arrival - I prefer girls but there you go'

gigglinggoblin · 25/03/2007 21:25

you are pregnant and hormonal. you are allowed to either have a screechy hissy fit or burst into tears, then later get dh to call and apologise for hormonal outburst but mention you are getting upset by constant comments. you cant get away with this for much longer, use your irrational hormones while you can

i have 4 boys btw, and NO, I WILL NOT BE TRYING FOR A GIRL. before anyone asks.

steinermum · 25/03/2007 21:29

If it's the in-laws doing it make sure they know that whatever gender you produce will be down to their son's sperm, not your ovum. Then quote Taylormama. I doubt you'll hear another word on the subject. You'll also bypass all the other in-law problems to be found on MN as they'll never speak to you again. Job done!

conkertree · 26/03/2007 09:40

sadly this seems to be quite common. my mil wanted only girls herself and got three boys and has been bitter about it ever since.

she keeps saying to me - you'll be wanting a girl then - and i politely tell her that i dont mind either way but she makes it quite clear that she doesnt believe me. I am pretty sure she will only be interested in the baby (her first grandchild) if its a girl, and given the amount of interest she has shown in the pregnancy so far (about 0), i dont think we will be making the biggest effort to visit her lots, whether its a boy or a girl. trouble is, fil is much nicer and will be pleased either way so dont want him to miss out on seeing it.

Original poster

canadianmum · 26/03/2007 11:39

My mother actually told me "I wanted a girl first time and had your sister". Like she somehow made it happen by force of will!

Crikey, I didn't realise how many annoying parents and parents-in-law were out there . I just can never picture myself doing the same thing to my children or children-in-law.

Next time this gets mentioned to me I think I will say "So I suppose you will be really disappointed if it's a boy then?" and see what the reaction is. Maybe that will shut them up!

taylormama - If only I was brave enough to say what you suggested!

lizziemum - my mil is a qualified nurse too!

OP posts:

conkertree · 26/03/2007 11:50

yup canadianmum - i wish i had the guts to stand up to my mil sometimes, cause she gets away with saying the rudest things cause nobody wants to fall out. her middle son has reasonably bad learning difficulties but is doing ok for himself. my dh doesnt get on well with him, cause he lies a lot and things, so doesnt spend much time with him (but isnt nasty to him or anything). my mil told us that she hopes our child has disabilities cause then dh will understand what its like.

when i heard that i really wish i'd said wtf are you talking about to her, but i didnt as usual.

BabyMadwithBump · 26/03/2007 13:06

Yep.... My gran, and 2 DS's AND DH all want a girl and MIL wants and boy! ME I dont care as long as happy and healthy

whywhywhy · 26/03/2007 22:27

another annoying thing- not just grandparents, but I am about to drop ds2 and when I tell people it's a boy they just go 'oh!' in a knowing tone of voice- NOT congratulations, or whatever. This is said a lot by a) older people b) female acquaintances of mine who DO have children of each gender in their brood and probably want to get smug. Urgh.

No one will believe you could be happy just to have 2 children and you don't actually need to see them as fixed and set through gender, only 1 aspect of their individual personalities. Grr.

mishw · 26/03/2007 22:41

Irritating isn't it! For some reason you can't possibly be happy with all your children being of the same sex!

My DD2 is only 6 months and I'm often asked 'will you be trying for a boy' NO I WILL NOT! I tell them that I'm done at two and that everything will be up for sale on Ebay but everyone seems convinced I'll change my mind as I'll want a boy!

whywhywhy · 26/03/2007 22:43

absolutely! no one believes I can be happy with 2 boys either. It seems such an insult to my (as yet unborn!) ds2, to value him lower because of his gender and because he doesn't fit some silly perfect-nuclear-family pattern.

pinkchampagne · 26/03/2007 22:59

I know, it's ridiculous! Even the doctor that performed H's vasectomy asked what what sex our children were, & when H said we had 2 boys, he said "Well are you sure you don't want to try for a girl?!"
Erm, no, we wouldn't be asking for a vasectomy if we were thinking of more children!!
It's like your family isn't complete if you don't have both sex children!

whywhywhy · 26/03/2007 23:02

Urgh pinkchampagne, it's so pervasive. I think I will advise my dh to put a yellow sticky on his forehead when he goes for the op saying 'YES I AM FINE WITH 2 BOYS, THEY'RE NOT ALL THE SAME YOU KNOW.'

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