Ashamed of gender preference

[pomadas87]

Very nervous about posting here but I am getting so down I don't know what to do and would appreciate any advice.

Currently 21 weeks pregnant with my first and I was so happy when we found out, truly I just wanted a healthy baby and we haven't found out the gender as we liked the idea of a surprise.

Over the past 3-4 weeks I have been so down in the dumps - I have a history of depression and anxiety over past 12 years - and I am recognising the signs.. feeling tearful, panicky, hopeless, alone, and I am so sad I am not excited about the baby anymore.

I also have a preference on gender which I am so so ashamed about - I know it doesn't matter but I think about it every day and I worry I won't love the baby. At such a loss as to what to do and am scared to tell DH or midwife as they'll think I can't cope.

I totally sympathise. Just wanted to add my story - I also really wanted a boy when pregnant with my DD. I kind of unashamedly had the preference as well, I absolutely just wanted baby to be healthy but I always wanted a boy and openly said that's what I would prefer. We didn't find out at the 20 week scan. When DD was born I was so immediately amazed, though a bit shaky (adrenaline pumping through my body post-labour, felt like I'd taken every drug on the planet though I'd had a natural water birth) when I lifted her out the water and held her against me I was totally in love. You honestly can't describe the feeling until you have that moment. Everybody said to me "aw but didn't you want a boy?" and I simply said no, I was utterly wrong. It was always supposed to be a girl. And she is my perfect little everything and I wouldn't change her for the world. I'm so 100% confident that when you meet your beautiful daughter you will feel exactly the same OP. All the best to you x

I think this is a really really common feeling when you're pregnant. I felt it with 3 of my dc but I can honestly say that once they were born I never gave it a second thought.

They're all their own people now and I have different but equally amazing relationships with all of them, regardless of sex. Once they're born they're not just an abstract idea like they are when you're pregnant, but a person to bond with.

If you're prone to anxiety/depression then this is another handy way to torture yourself, but I very much doubt it will persist once the baby is born.

Hi OP, another one here who had a strong preference. For some reason, I'd always imagined having a boy and really wanted one. I didn't tell anyone -- too ashamed about it.
I had the scan and when the sonographer said it was a boy I felt a huge rush of relief and let out what I can only call an involuntary squeak. (She looked really startled and asked if I was okay).
I don't doubt I would have been disappointed if she'd said it was a girl but the love you feel for your children is overwhelming. I don't doubt that if my son had been a daughter I would still have loved him just as much.