Frustration with toddler

[toomuchtimereadingthreads2016]

Sorry for posting in the wrong section but when I was pregnant I found the posters here to be the most kind and helpful...

My dd2 is two weeks old. Dd1 was three today. I spent a lot of time when I was pregnant planning and buying presents and doing everything else that goes with a birthday so as to have less stress with planning plus newborn baby.

The day went perfectly, better than I could have hoped and we didn't even have to have a single warning about behaviour which is very very rare for a just turned three year old! She was a star and loved her special day. Dd2 is a very sleepy, undemanding baby so I could spent 90% of the day making sure all was well and spoiling dd1.

However. Since christmas dd1 has been coming into my bed at night. Dh works nights so there is room, and I was in first trimester then so too.exhausted to care. Then she started coming in earlier and earlier whereby now its around 11 when she first gets up.

It's really been getting me down. Have tried a few different tactics to get her to stay in her bed, but here we are. Since dd2 has been born I have lost my shit over this twice. Once being tonight. Its 1am here and I'm sat crying wide awake and exhausted and angry.

I am lucky to have my dh on pat leave. Normally with him.working nights and weekends we get v little time together alone.

I am quite happy to skivvy around catering to everyones needs from 6am to 11pm every day. But I NEED ten minutes to cuddle my husband in bed before I go to sleep. To unwind, to feel like I am a human being and not just a servant to everyone else. To reconnect and get the strength to wake up shortly anyway to feed dd2, and then to be kicked in the back and the head all night by dd1 because with daddy here there isnt room.

Just as I was putting my pjs on dd1 came in tonight. I thought you have to be kidding me we have run her ragged all day and its.not even 11pm. I spent an hour and a half in her room rocking her back to sleep before I couldn't take the whinging crying anymore and dumped her in our bed and have been sat in her room crying ever since. Dhs wonderful response was "well this is what its like to have children".

I just wanted ten bloody minutes to be myself, or god forbid , a whole nights sleep in my own bed without someones foot in my mouth kicking me and pushing me off the side of the bed away from dh.

I dont want to feel this angry with dd1. Shes not done anything major wrong, just wanting to sleep with her parents which is natural but I cant deal with 24/7 I need a tiny bit of time and space when I'm not being a mum I guess. I wanted to go to sleep with a smile on my face thinking what a lovely day we had celebrating dd1 bday and instead I'm sobbing my heart out wide awake at this bloody hour. I don't want to feel this way about dd1. Before her sister was born she was my baby and I never felt like this about her even on a challenging day never mind an easy one like today. But now I just want her to leave me alone and I hate myself for feeling like this

Regarding the wanting 10 mins (or more!) to yourself, I really think this is so important for anyone's state of mind. Can your DH facilitate that, and if not why not? I don't have any advice about getting your DD to sleep in her own room though. If is is just about you having space in your own bed could you move her bed into your room if there's space?

I don't have any advice as I'm pregnant with my first so I've no doubt got all of this to come (!), but I wanted to send you an online hug and I hope you feel better soon and the sleeping situation gets sorted out

Xx

You have to stop her coming in, very firmly, I think. It will be horrible and she will cry and you will feel like shit, but I promise that she will have forgotten that she ever used to do it quite soon. We had exactly the same thing eight weeks ago with my son (2.3) who had got into the habit of coming into our bed as soon as he woke up (about 5am on summer mornings). I just couldn't cope with four of us in bed while I was trying to breastfeed a newborn DS2, and so we had two days of tears and him rattling the stair gate shouting "let me out" and then all was forgotten. I now have a new routine to make DS1 feel special where I go downstairs with him as soon as I've finished feeding and we make breakfast together, leaving dad and baby in bed.

This is obviously trickier at night, but maybe you can change some other aspect of the bed-time routine? DS1 was jealous when he realised that his brother slept in our room with us but seems to have got over it now.