Newly pregnant and bricking it!

[yikesababy]

So, i found out i was pregnant less than a week ago (5 weeks gone according to due date calculator), and my head has been in a spin ever since. I am 38 (39 in 2 months), my partner is 31 - we weren't 'trying', per se, but weren't being particularly careful. I had convinced myself that my age and family history of fertility problems combined meant that the chances of getting preggers were low, but two months later and BINGO! I've never been hugely broody, but also know that i don't want to be childless. So here we are. My initial reaction was of blind panic - i cried when i got the test result, and then cried again when i told my boyfriend an hour later, cried when i saw my doctor the next day and then continued to cry for about 48 hours. I thought that we'd ruined our very lovely life together, destroyed our plans of exotic future holidays and destroyed any chance of buying our first house. I was then in a blind panic about the child being born with downs, due to the risk of my age, and not having the strength to parent a disabled child, which made me feel terrible. Yesterday i had a meltdown when i realised how little money you get on SMP and how we are going to have to work out some miracles to survive financially. I love cycling everywhere and today I had a little weep about not being able to ride my bike! Today I am feeling all these things at the same time and I'm exhausted. I have my best friends wedding in a week an a half, so it's going to be impossible to hide the fact i'm not drinking to all my mates, but i don't want anyone to know until I've got my head straight. I know from reading all the conversations on here that what i'm feeling, and the thoughts i'm having, are normal for first timers, but i just wanted some reassurance that this is not the worst thing to have ever happened, and that having a baby is life's ultimate adventure! At the moment my baby cons list is proving rather longer than my pros list...My head is about to explode (ps. i'm afraid i don't know all the acronyms for stuff, so apols that i'm writing long form! I'm a newbie and still learning

[kingfishergreen]

It is normal, it's a massive and quite unexpected life change and you're basically a hormone-ball at the moment. Your body has turned against you and it's every fibre is now turned to incubating this baby. It's no wonder you feel shell-shocked and shitty.

The next thing you notice is that everyone has a story about how terrible having children is. Before I had DD I felt nagged from every quarter to procreate, everyone was telling me how I'd never known love like it and how a baby would be the best thing that ever happened to me. The moment we announced my pregnancy everyone was full of doom and gloom about lost sleep, missed brunches and child friendly holidays.

I was 37 when I had DD, it has been hard in many ways, on day ten after she was born I wondered if we'd actually have to die to send her to an orphanage. BUT I can promise you, she is the most amazing tiny thing I've ever known. The idea of not having her now breaks my heart. But that's me.

Whether you choose to proceed with this pregnancy is wholly up to you. There is no right of wrong, it's just what YOU want to do.

So yes, it's normal, yes I still sometimes feel horrified that my previously relatively carefree life now hinges on a tiny person who needs me more than anything. But she is amazing, and I love her desperately.

[kingfishergreen]

*its not it's

[Singingforsanity]

It's not really about the length of those lists, the list of cons will be long, I won't lie. But when you meet that gorgeous baby, it will outweigh any number of cons 😍

[FirsttimemumJan18]

Yikesababy at least you are being honest about your feelings...I'm 42 years old and 12 weeks and 6 days pregnant (With frozen eggs from when I was 33 yrs old) after a long IVF journey. So this little baby is very much wanted and 💕'd already but am I truely ready...hell no!!! So much goes through your head about how your life will change etc and as my dear mum says 'There is never a right time to have a child'. I don't blame you being cautious during your first trimester and not wanting to tell the world...as for the wedding can't you make an excuse that you have to drive or something, it's more important that you are there rather than be seen drinking. Try to relax and absorb that you are pregnant. I wish you lots of luck on the next 9 months 🤰 🍀 x

[Foreverhopeful22]

Your never ready and that's normal

We are on min money and have no savings but you manage

Ok so we don't have holidays but hey my little girl has toys clothes and has the best time.

You become brilliant at budgeting

Don't worry

[Catra]

I'm 38 too and 10 weeks pregnant with my first - like you I'd never been hugely broody, but also knew that I didn't want to be childless so thought that it was now or never and it happened a lot quicker than I thought it would!

I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel overwhelmed at first - we've outgrown our house as it is and had hoped to move somewhere bigger but that's out the window now because there's no way we can afford it. I'll be living off SMP and I'm not even sure if it's going to be financially worth my while going back to work so that's my career up in the air. Up until now I've enjoyed a huge amount of freedom, time and space to do my own thing and a great social life, but the past few weeks I've been like a hermit as it's too early to tell anyone and I don't want to face any awkward questions as to why I'm not drinking. I live near a beautiful park and used to go for a walk there most days but I'm now so exhausted that I can barely walk to the end of the road so I can only imagine how much more shattered I'm going to be when the baby arrives.

Last week, DH and I went for an early scan and as soon as I saw the baby's heartbeat something shifted and suddenly it all seemed overwhelmingly worth it. The realisation that DH and I had created a life and that little person is going to be half him and half me fills me with sheer joy. In many ways I "had it all" before getting pregnant, yet I never felt totally complete. I'm now of the mindset that whatever challenges motherhood might throw my way I'm strong enough to tackle them. My marriage has always been good but now I feel closer to DH than ever and I have every confidence that we're going to be great parents and really make a go of this. Give it time, OP - I'm sure you'll get your head around it and see how the pros outweigh the cons.

[yikesababy]

Thank you so much, everyone, your comments have really helped me start to make sense of it all, and give myself a break. It's normal to feel overwhelmed - that's a relief! I was so worried about our financial situation yesterday that i barely slept and felt really anxious on the way to work, so when i got in i decided to tell my boss the news (we get on really well and there's only two of us in the office!) who is a 42 yr old mother of a 3yr old and a 1yr old and she was amazing. Totally put my mind at ease and made me realise i wasn't going mad. She calmed me down about the cost too, and suggested i worked out a budget to see what the real situation was. Having just done that i feel a lot better - it looks like we can do it - it'll be tight, but we can do it. It was a huge relief to tell someone, and now i'm booked in to see my doctor in two weeks to get the ball rolling on antenatal referral etc. Hey Ho Here we go!!! Thanks all