Mother in law moan

[Sjwilson84]

Hi was wondering if anyone can help cos i feel stressed and everything else!

Im due my 3rd baby in 6 wks time. With my current 2 kids my MIL hasn't really made an effort to see them even tho we only live 30 mins away on train. If we want the kids to see her we always need to go over to see her and work around everything she does.

Well we thought we were going away for a wee 4 nights to caravan and took her with us so she could spend time with the kids however this didn't happen. Yes she was in caravan with us however basically all she did was smoke (outside of course!) and drink the whole time. One night she basically had a total go at me cos i asked her to keep noise down incase she woke the kids and she started screaming right in my face. My OH wasn't very happy at all and he has said he is done with her.

She has now asked when we are being took in to have baby 3 (c section as wee one will only be 16 months when baby due and had section with baby 2) but i have basically told her if she doesn't come to hospital to see newborn baby then she will need to wait a week or 2 before coming to house to visit as i want to get 2 kids used to baby etc before loads of visitors. Also when she visits it wont only be here it will be 2 SIL and also another 2 kids so will be 5 adults and 5 kids in flat after a section and me getting sterilised. She has now went off on one at my OH and said she will come to the house the day i get out of hospital to visit and that will only be if he goes and collects her and takes her home
As she wont get a train to visit us.

Im about to tell her not to bother at all as really it is all just stressing me out now

What would other people do in my situation and sorry for the long post 🙈

Just to say we have always been close me and his mum however just since i got pregnant this time she has totally changed towards me. This was a surprise pregnancy however we wouldn't have even thought of anything other than having the baby as we had a miscarriage 2 1/2 yrs ago before i fell pregnant with baby 2.

She has a go cos i stay at home and look after the kids (joint decision when we had 1st kid i did work for 17 yrs straight before then!) and says all i do is spend all his money etc when i don't at all!

If I was in your position I'd put down firm boundaries once e.g she comes at a time convenient for you etc and leave it at that. You don't need any extra drama or stress, as it's his mum I'd tell OH he needs to deal with her from now on and be clear what is and isn't acceptable. You and your baby need to come first, not someone who wants to have a tantrum if they don't get their own way.

God what is it with some people. It's always all about them isn't it!

She sounds like a self absorbed so and so.

I would expect your husband to tell her that won't be happening and she either falls in with your plans for YOUR baby's birth or she doesn't.

You're about to undergo major abdominal surgery and another operation at the same time, she ought to be less concerned about her visitation rights and that you and her next grandchild are doing well.

Hope it goes well and I would advise you tell your husband to deal with her. You've got bigger fish to fry

She acts like a 3 yr old. Don't know if it is like i am taking her boy away from her but we have been together for nearly 8 yrs stayed together nearly 7 yrs and she hasn't been like this. My mum isn't happy as Im very very close to my mum she is my best friend and she can see how drained i have been with it all. She is the one that will have both kids when I'm in hospital and when i get out she will take eldest to and from nursery for me cos i wont be able to drive. But the MIL just wants driven around all the time. I told
My OH if she doesn't get train she wont see baby as he isn't leaving me with 3 kids to go pick her up and then take her home again.

She has now went off on one at my OH and said she will come to the house the day i get out of hospital to visit and that will only be if he goes and collects her and takes her home
As she wont get a train to visit us.

Problem solved, then! :)

Seriously - you are being absolutely reasonable to insist on two weeks' respite before being descended upon by all those people. Sounds like you and your partner are very much on the same page about this! Keep reiterating that they need to respect your wishes and tell her you're prepared not to answer the door to them if they turn up during the time you've asked them to keep away.

I actually thought i was being out of order lol my mum will see baby most days but thats cos she will come to house to get the other 2 kids to give me a bit of a break as i am top flat (3 up) so will struggle to get out with 3 kids 4 and under. Im sticking to my guns and she is told he isn't going to get her and also that she will not turn up at door as i wont open it.

The more I read this post the more enraged I am for you.
Her behaviour is outrageous.

She got that drink one night she fell asleep on kitchen floor 🙈 then wanted me to actually allow her to watch my 2 kids herself the next night! No chance.

I'm normally one for compromise and putting up with minor stuff for the sake of family. But for her, I'd say tell her not to bloody bother if she can't show a shred of consideration for you.

I think this is an easy one. As your OH says, he isn't going to drive her around, leaving you on your own with the children. If she wants to visit, she will have to make her own way to you, and on your terms.

And no more holidays with her.

Oh she has already been told no more holidays dont worry. We have been on a good few holidays with her and they have all been same. This basically as i told my OH was a last chance for her as she never does anything with the kids at all. My mum is amazing with the kids even tho she is really ill she still plays with them etc and she has athiritis on the spine and everything. The other "granny" if u can call her that basically just sits and smokes doesnt play with them or nothing so defo defo last time on holiday.

Thank god im not being unreasonable tho cos i thought i was and was just being selfish.