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Things not to say to an overdue pregnant woman

27 replies

dc43 · 05/07/2017 09:09

Am 40+6 and trying to get the oxytocin going.

So I'll start off with....

  • you've made it so comfy in there she doesn't want to come out

Followed closely by....

  • get all the sleep you can now because you won't when baby comes along (yes feeling like a whale and anxious is a great sleeping aid)

Anyone else?
OP posts:
Herbpatch · 05/07/2017 09:12

Various 'helpful' old wives' tales about pineapple, hot curries, blow jobs, sex of any sort?

No one said these to me, mind. I went to 40+15 and was stomping around London looking like a deeply irritable house. I suspect I terrified people.

kitchenarggghh · 05/07/2017 09:23

My mums favourite lines at the moment are don't worry you have loads of time & they will arrive when they are ready. As it looks like I'm heading for an induction tomorrow, failing to see that either are true.

Johno85 · 05/07/2017 09:28

DC43 I feel your pain. I'm only 39+5 but am totally ready to meet this little man already. My best friend even managed to slip up, saying "oh friend he's not even at his due date yet, you've been ready since 30 weeks".......deep breath. She clicked that I was upset and apologised bless her. Maybe it's just the hormones. Why can't people just say; oh it must be crappy waiting around; I hope they make an appearance soon. Simple!!!

katiegg · 05/07/2017 09:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Johno85 · 05/07/2017 09:37

katie what goes through these people's minds before they come out with these comments?!

voobylooby · 05/07/2017 09:38

I can't think of any, but I found seArching for memes on google was quite amusing. There are some good ones you can save to send to people who text for a daily update!!

SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 05/07/2017 09:48

I suspect people make these comments as a natural human response to either make light of it with humour "you've made it so comfy in there" to that thing people do when they try and give advice even though their advice is worthless "get all the sleep you can now etc".
When I look back I must have made stupid comments in various situations in some sort of attempt to make someone feel better. It comes from a good place, even if it's ill thought out!

Bumpsadaisie · 05/07/2017 09:48

Ooh s/he's going to be a lazy one isn't s/he.


mysecret321 · 05/07/2017 10:02

It will be one hell of labour if she continues to grow at this rate and you don't give birth soon...when This happened to me (horror story follows!)

dc43 · 05/07/2017 10:11

I know people are trying to be nice. But hormones and heat added to the combo aren't great!

Have to say one of my favs is my (male) boss who thought he was funny in saying 'oooh that's going to sting when it comes out' Hmm

Good luck to those ladies waiting to drop. Chin up and try and get that oxytocin flowing.

OP posts:
Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 05/07/2017 10:13

Any news?
God you're enormous they're going to be right whopper
I bet you're knackered aren't you?
With my last one it was like something out of a horror show.

I could go on

FetchezLaVache · 05/07/2017 10:17

Haven't you had that baby yet? (This should be delivered in a jovial tone that suggests the comment is both original and hilarious).

Lemondrop99 · 05/07/2017 10:31

Ok, so genuine question, what is considered ok to say?

Because people will comment and will want to ask you things as your due date approaches.

I'm with Softly. I totally get that people say things that annoy/upset (I had similar with HG/ginger comments) but people are just trying to be nice/friendly/funny or simply not sure what else to say. I'm fairly sure I've said some dumb things, not meaning to upset the hot, hormonal, had enough pregnant lady.

Not being facetious. Genuinely interested about what is considered safe to say.

DuggeeHugs · 05/07/2017 10:36

It's best just to say: how are you feeling? Is there anything I can get/do for you? Or, do you want to go for a coffee?

No need to mention bump size, baby size, birth pain and especially best to avoid 'have you not had that baby yet?'

n0rtherrn · 05/07/2017 10:51

It's best to just ask how the mother is feeling.

Ask she ok? Feeling well?

If you are close enough maybe...

Ask if there is there anything you can do to help?
Does she want to go for lunch? See a movie?
Does she have older kids that need entertaining for a few hours?
Any awkward housework or heavy shopper need doing?

Mindless comments about size, obvious comments like "you must be fed up" etc is just really irritating and tedious to keep going over.

People who call and texting to ask "has anything happened? Is there any news" Pisses me off too. If I want you to know you will know.

I don't really wish to discuss how wide my cervix is or whether I've lost any plug or whatever.


Ciderandskatesdontmix · 05/07/2017 11:02

I would say that the best thing to say to a heavily pregnant woman is the same sort of thing that you would say if she wasn't pregnant! Why everyone feels the need to bring up the pregnancy every time you speak to them I'll never know. I'm currently overdue with my third and get it twice a day from the same people on the school run. Yes I am still pregnant, yes I am fed up, no I haven't felt anything yet and if I had I probably would have delegated this school run to somebody else!

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 05/07/2017 11:04

@Lemondrop99 I see where you are coming from, and of course people want to show interest and support. I do agree it's very tricky.

However, personally I think the best thing to do for a woman who's heavily pregnant and probably really sick of being so is just leave well alone. We go like grizzly bears, so many of us don't we?

Apart from my mum and sister who I could rant at, and DH's mum asking him, most of my friends just seemed to know to withdraw and wait for news. Well my poor mum is always here as I lumber around moaning and groaning. I know she just can't wait for the next one when he arrives in four months.

Lemondrop99 · 05/07/2017 11:04

Thanks Smile Good to know. Some good suggestions there

However I imagine even "how are you feeling" has the potential to wind someone up. I know I get fed up when everyone asked me that in relation to by HG. I want to reply "still feeling like crap! As I have been for the last six months!" And when twenty people have asked you how you are feeling, and you're feeling rubbish, you run out of things to say!

Maybe better to retreat into a corner and just throw chocolate at her?! Smile

dc43 · 05/07/2017 11:05

Completely agree with the last two replies.

In fairness there is nothing to make the situation better so trying to offer such things above are nice.

I find people who have gone through the same situation are the most empathetic.

Evening reading mumsnet posts helps. Feeling like you're not the only one going through it.

OP posts:
QWQuee · 05/07/2017 11:07

Could you be induced as it's embarrassing telling people at our lunch club you've not had the baby yet.Confused (My mum.)

Lemondrop99 · 05/07/2017 11:07

Cross post with Gin. I agree. I think perhaps it's difficult to find the right thing to say because the women is so fed up by that point, the only thing they will help is her baby arriving! Support from close friends and family is helpful, but nosing from random colleagues and acquaintances is not. If you don't know the woman very well, perhaps best keeping quiet until she has news she chooses to share with you?

Wornoutbear · 05/07/2017 11:08

"Not still here are you" - to me when I went out with some friends - and this was the third or fourth time - to which I replied "NO, I'm a fucking hologram, and at the is moment the real me is on the bridge of the Enterprise patrolling the Delta quadrant" - silence.....and that was the last time I heard those remarks as I went into labour that night - I always thought it was bad temper that started me off!

EdgarAllenPoe · 05/07/2017 11:08

"You look like you might explode," was my least favourite comment.

Lemondrop99 · 05/07/2017 11:10

Agree with cider too, that's a really good point. Once you become pregnant, every conversation for 9 months seems to revolve around that. A woman is well aware she is pregnant and baby hasn't arrived yet, so yes, talking about something else would likely be very welcome.

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 05/07/2017 11:11

@Lemondrop99 chocolate and iou for g & t would always go down a treat with me 😉
@QWQuee I'm lost for words at your mother's remark!

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