Feeling overwhelmed

[chelle85]

Sorry bit of a long one...

I'm 32 and currently 33wks pregnant with first baby. Prior to getting pregnant we both wanted children but I was never particularly 'maternal'. Despite planning this pregnancy I mostly felt fear when I got the positive and have been going through this pregnancy waiting for the 'feeling' to kick in. Everyone around me talks excitedly about the baby but I feel so detached from the whole process. I haven't had a difficult pregnancy but I haven't enjoyed any of it.

I am at the point where I am trying to visualise the reality of life with baby and whilst on practical terms I feeI can cope with managing day to day needs of looking after a baby I am really worried about the emotional side and bonding with baby. I know people say once they hand you baby you will have this rush of love but at present I am feeling like a failure because I feel I should love my baby already.

I don't find my midwife particularly approachable as she tends to do a lot of talking and not much listening but I am feeling so overwhelmed with everything at the minute and struggling to function day to day. I had 3 hours sleep last night not because of aches and pains and usually pregnancy niggles but because I feel so out of my depth. I'm still in work (and lots of stress about what role I will be going back to), both my parents have significant health conditions which are hard to manage, I am worried about the impact on my financial independence (though affording baby isn't a concern and husband is supportive it is the feeling of dependence I dread).

Just looking for some reassurance that this will pass I suppose

Hey OP, I think you really need to speak to your midwife and be honest. PND can start during pregnancy (AND) and flagging it up now will only be a positive thing. Please speak to someone and get some support :)

I think it's natural to worry especially with the added stress you have of your parents health and your work insecurity.
I was not maternal and felt very little attachment to either of mine before they were born.... but as soon as they were born I found them fascinating and amazing. I think when you are pregnant people talk about the sleepless nights and 'say goodbye to your lie-ins' but they don't tell you about the sheer joy-( or maybe they do but you dont know what they mean.) You might find once you're concentrating on your newborn the other worries fade out slightly for a time. Which is as it should be.
It's easy to say 'stop worrying' and much harder to do. I know our lives are much more complicated than other animals but when I'm dwelling on stuff I bit I like to think about how other mammals handle pregnancy and motherhood with calm assurance. I don't think they doubt themselves like we do. I hope this doesn't sound too much like nonsense!
Ps I also felt complete fear with my first positive pregnancy test-a 'what have we done!' Panic!