Miscarriage

[rebeccajayneh1992]

I have Just suffered a miscarriage at what I thought was 11 weeks but it was silent so really 8 weeks and everyone thinks that because the baby wasn't planned that it seems okay, I already have a little boy who will be 2 next month and I love him with all my heart and I feel lucky to have him to help me through this but I still feel so sad for the baby that I have lost my partner is amazing and fully supportive but doesn't understand I just need to talk to someone else who has lost a baby so I can feel sane that I lost a baby that was never in my arms and feel sad about it and not strong for everyone else

No that's not fair. I got pregnant by accident when my DS1 was 6 months old and once the shock wore off we were excited, only for it to be a mmc (lost at 9 weeks but stopped growing earlier). We were devastated! I had a few comments about it being for the best etc because of how young DS1 was but I wouldn't call that exactly helpful 😑 my mother was the worst culprit. You take as much time as you need and talk about it as much as you want. I actually lost another baby a few months later as well at 10 weeks but baby was 10 weeks as well (SCH) and it made me rethink the whole 'not telling people until you are 12 weeks pregnant' thing. Because if you loose a baby and no one knew you were pregnant anyway then it's like it didn't matter. I remember thinking that all that time I HAD been pregnant and no one knew, and I nearly wanted to shout it out. It's not long in the grand scheme but when you spend every day thinking about something then 9 & 10 weeks feels like a long time!
Xxx

Not much to add except in in same boat. First baby, lost at 9 weeks but stopped at 7&4. ERPC last week. Xxxx

MMC is really shit, but people react to it differently. For me, the loss of the idea wasn't awful - I'd not totally invested in it - but we also had been ttc for what felt like ages (plus my age wasn't in my side) so that's what made me feel extra crap. Back at square 1 with no guarantees.

Ditto with people's reactions - many just want to say something to help you feel better: for your mum, this might mean trying the pragmatic approach! Others with me varied from being very sympathetic (amazing how many people have experienced it when you all open up) to being ultra sensitive (no, I didn't appreciate one of my best friends not telling me about her pregnancy for ages because she though I'd find it hard: I didn't see how our inidividual fertility was related!). And when I spoke to other people who had been through this, it did help put my experience into perspective. My friend who lost at 19 weeks after 2 scans and movements, which I had no idea about. I'm not saying my experience wasn't shit, it took me a while to get over it, but I was almost relieved (if that's the word) that it had happened relatively early on

TBH I think it's better dealt with in the open. I'd have hated it if it was some kind of secret because I hadn't told people. And ultimately the useful and supportive comments outweighed the annoying or unhelpful.

to you - it's really hard.