Nervous about giving birth

[wondering23]

I'm 36 weeks pregnant with my first DC. Very much wanted any and looking forward to being a mum.

Just been to 36 week midwife appointment where they go through the birth plan and I'm feeling terrified about labour. Midwife is lovely and answered all my questions so it's not her fault. I think I've tried not to think about it too much, taking the approach that it's just something I've got to get on and do, but now it seems very real and I'm feeling really worried about it. How will I cope with the pain? What if there is something wrong with the baby? What if I'm useless with the baby once it's here?

DH came with me and knows I'm feeling scared but has had to go back to work now so I'm sat on the sofa feeling sorry for myself.

Any advice wise mumsnetters?

Sorry I haven't got any advice Wondering, but I am in almost the same situation - 34 weeks and dreading the birth. So much so that I can't actually see it as a way to get to meet your baby - I honestly feel like it is the end not the beginning!

I have found watching One Born Every Minute has helped me calm down a bit - it does make you realise that no matter how hard it gets, you walk out of there with a baby and a smile on your face!

And my mum says it really isn't as bad as it is made out to be on TV - she said it was just like bad period pains and she doesn't see what the fuss is about. I am focussing on that.

It is going to be a very unpleasant few hours, that is for sure. But we won't die - there is pain relief available if we want it...and at this point, what choice do we have?

Someone at work described it as very similar to pushing out a massive painful poo and no worse.

We'll be OK...before you know it you will be one of those posters who smugly says 'it was all worth it and you forget the pain'.

Hey,

Don't panic, it's going to be the BEST day of your entire life I promise. I never even have a thought to the birth of my baby not even when I went overdue. I was induced at 10 days over and even when I went in to hospital I still hadn't really given it a thought as millions of people do it everyday and go on to have more.

Don't expect a birth plan to go to plan. I never wrote one and just went with what I thought I needed at the time. Turns out gas and air made me feel awful and pethadine made me sleepy so I delivered my son back to back on pretty much no pain relief and he was heafty 8lbs 9oz. Just make sure you stay in control of yourself, once you loose who you are and your self control it's not a nice place to be (like I did)

Don't get caught up in one born every minute as I don't think it's very true reflection.

Baby has to come out one way or another. Yes it's not the easiest thing to do and yes it is very painful but once the baby is born it makes it all worth it and you'll be amazed at what you and your body has just done!

Good luck with everything. You'll be fine x

I was very anxious about the birth when I was expecting DD - I'm generally a bit rubbish at dealing with pain so didn't know how I'd cope. When I went into labour, although i was still anxious, my brain did seem to 'shift' slightly, and I was more able to just go with whatever was happening. It helped that I had a fantastic team of doctors and midwives, as well as my DH who was there throughout. The pain relief helped too... (btw, the bollocks you will talk while on gas and air is very similar to the bollocks you talk when drunk - it's very entertaining for everyone around you, and slightly mortifying for you when you remember it later) My DD's birth really did not go to plan - I basically went on a tour round the hospital during labour from the midwife-led unit to the delivery ward to the operating theatre, due to various complications. But although a lot of things happened that I had really worried about, when the time came it was actually OK, as at no point did I feel that things were out of control; the staff knew what needed to be done at every moment and just helped me through it.

It WILL be fine, you can do this, and you won't be doing it without people around who know exactly what to do in any given situation.

I genuinely enjoyed labour and I am the LAST person you'd have thought would say that it was positive pain, I felt like I was working hard (like running or lifting heavy weights or something) as opposed to the kind of pain you get when you injure yourself. It feels for me like muscles working hard/cramping up, it's intense but I didn't find it unbearable and I had breaks of being totally pain free between contractions.
I ended up with an emergency csection as ds wouldn't turn during pushing - and that was fine too, honestly. I'm even thinking about doing it all again!

Often recommended on here but "Birth Skills" by Juju Sundin really helped me on my second and third labours. I wish I had read it before my first.

There's hypnobirthing too you can do to feel more relaxed about the birth, I've liked Maggie Howell's natal hypnotherapy downloads.

Hey op I felt like you before giving birth and it was no where near as bad as I feared. I managed without pain relief at all and I'm a complete wus. It wasn't fun but hey baby came out safe and well - and I'd do it all over again tomorrow if I could.

Thank you all so much, I'm feeling better already.

My friend has talked about hypno-birthing so I will look into that further.

Will definitely have a look at he book mentioned and any others anyone thinks are worth a read.

I've had an easy pregnancy so far but I'm sort of hoping I'll get to the point where I just can't wait to get the baby out and will actually be looking forward to going into labour!

I'm going to be 100% honest (but please read to the end because it is positive I promise) giving birth and labour was horrible for me. Initially I found it ok and the pain was ok with my tens machine but then as my little girl had pooped in her waters and my contractions weren't strong enough they had to put me on the hormone drip and the pain was horrendous very quickly. I went from saying no way to an epidural to begging for one! I wish I had asked for one sooner. During labour I cried and told my husband our LO would have to be an only child because I just couldn't do it again. HOWEVER the second that little girl landed on my chest I honestly couldn't care less. I had two doctors and a midwife having an in depth discussion about how to sew me up and poking around down there and I honestly didn't give a crap! I know it is what everyone says but it is 100% true. My LO is 8 weeks old and I'm already thinking about having her brother/sister one day ha ha.

Despite being textbook low risk with a baby positioned very low down I had a 3 day labour with no proper pain relief for the first 2 days (they wouldn't admit me even though contractions were coming every 3 minutes because I was insufficiently dilated).

I had to have an epidural and forceps assistance, both of which I was terrified about before labour and swore I wouldn't want. I also had to have a blood transfusion due to blood loss in labour.

And you know what? it was ok! When it's happening you just get on with it.

There is no point planning too much or asking too many questions, you can't know how you will feel or what your body will do until it happens. Just try to get as much rest as you can beforehand 🙂

I would highly recommend looking into hypnobirthing and pregnancy yoga if you can squeeze in any sessions before the big day. Techniques they taught me have proved invaluable, and not just for labour! And having a good think about what might keep you calm and focused might be useful. For me that was being left in my own bathroom for as much time as possible and hopping in and out of a birthing pool in the kitchen (before eventually being transferred to hospital when DS got stuck).

For me, sinusitis during pregnancy was much, much more painful than the (rather long and protracted) labour. Good luck - remember just how strong you are.

Do some reading up so you know what the different pain relief options are and what the good and bad points of them are to help you make choices when you're actually in labour. And read about what is actually happening to your body when you're in labour, and afterwards like delivering the placenta. I found that the unknown was much more scary and was a lot calmer when I'd done some reading and had a bit more knowledge.

Someone told me that (if you're having a vaginal birth) when you get to the point that you feel like you can't take any more, that you're pretty much at the end of it and baby will be here very shortly, and that was true for me!

You will be fine.

There's a good book by Ina May (guide to natural childbirth I think it's called) which gives tonnes of positive birth stories. I think it fooled me into thinking it would be painless. It wasn't but I was pretty calm and focused.

I was told by friends and my yoga teacher to try and stay calm and relaxed (I know it's hard when you're having contractions and there's a head poking out of your fanjo) focus on breathing.
Try and stay at home where you're comfortable as long as poss.

You also have the option of pain relief which will be offered throughout the birth if nothing/gas and air isn't doing the trick.

Good luck!

Also 1 thing I didn't realise until one of my nct classes is that it's not constant pain, you get breaks in between each contraction. They eventually do speed up and get closer together but when people say 3 days of labour, I think that's on and off contractions building up to pushing baby out

I can recommend an epidural!

I had an epidural with my first... my waters broke at 35 weeks, but then Labour went quite slowly; I had to lie still to be monitored, which made it more painful. Eventually asked for an epidural, and got it - whole thing after that was really calm and positive.

Planned to ask for an epidural with number 2, but she was born on the bathroom floor at home after about 20 minutes of pain. Only painkillers I had were 2 paracetamol, taken for the "urinary tract infection" that I initially thought I had!

I'm hopeless with pain, but I think that meant I had built it up to be really awful, when in fact it was all ok!

I think it's good to go in with a realistic idea of what the pain level actually is, and it's high. To the PP whose mother said it was like bad period pains, sorry but for most people it's really not. Obviously some labours are worse than others but actually it can be pain on a scale that is unimaginable.

BUT - there are numerous ways to deal with it from hypnobirthing etc at one end to full on epidural at the other with lots in between.I think what is really awful is when women go into labour and are surprised by how painful it is. The shock of the pain can make it hard to deal with if you weren't anticipating it. Focus on how you're going to deal with it, rather than persuading yourself it won't be painful - much more effective.

And the bottom line is, it can't last forever and at the end of it you have a baby. And every contracting brings you closer to that. Can't say that about any other type of pain!

every contraction*

Oh FGS - ignore the bold "every"...

I was reassured to read that even pregnant women in comas give birth, I don't know how true it is, but I held-on to that thought throughout DD's delivery.

Really do try some hypnobirthing, I found it really empowering.

Thank you everyone. I think I've buried my head in the sand about it until now, so I need to find out more about dealing with the pain.

You've made me feel so much better x