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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Consultant care - does your OH come to appointments?

25 replies

moggle · 21/06/2017 16:31

I'm expecting twins and so will be under consultant led care for this pregnancy. Just had the first appointment made, and am wondering if I ought to ask DH to come along?
He would be happy to... but there are going to be a lot of consultant appointments, and scans, and he has already had to have quite a number of mornings/afternoon and whole days off during the last 10 months as we've been having multiple cycles of IVF. He works in London and we are out in Surrey so even a 20 minute appointment will be at minimum 3 hours away from work. Never mind the fact that I would have to drive to the hospital via a station to pick him up / drop him off, so making it more of a hassle for me too,haha...

Maybe he should come to the first one and then more later on in the pregnancy or if there are any particular issues? He will obviously be coming to the 12 week scan. Never brought him along to midwife appointments in my first pregnancy. I'll have to bring my toddler along on certain days too so I suppose he could at least help entertain her!

If you are under consultant care, what are you doing?

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fuzzywuzzy · 21/06/2017 16:37

I was under consultant care and had loads of scans and extra appointments as I had a high risk pregnancy.

DP came to them all, it came under a specific thing for maternity/paternity care he was allowed half days off for the appointments. So it didn't affect his annual leave or anything.

DP worked from home the days I had appointments, so there was no racing back from work to go to the hospital etc

fuzzywuzzy · 21/06/2017 16:37

And congratulations on your pregnancy :)

JustMumNowNotMe · 21/06/2017 16:38

Gosh no, boring and routine! He came to scans but that's about it.

Hollyandtheiveee · 21/06/2017 16:45

Following many cycles of ivf and twin pregnancy, I was in same position op. My dh didn't come to any of my appointments except for the big scans. realky not necessary

EdgarAllenPoe · 21/06/2017 16:46

My husband is coming to my extra scans - partly because any bad news will be immediately apparent so I would want the support, but partly because he gets to see the baby too.

Otherwise, no, he hasn't come to any midwife or consultant appointments. They're mainly blood pressure, and blood tests and dull, dull, dull. I'm sure he'd come if I wanted him too, but he wouldn't be entitled to the time off work (I think legally partners only get two scans' worth and that's unpaid) and I would rather him save his leave for when the baby's actually here and I need all the help I can get.

PerspicaciaTick · 21/06/2017 16:48

Mine didn't. It was bad enough sitting around for hours in clinics knowing I was missing work time, without having two of us suffer. On the other hand, he was there every moment I needed him when I suffered an ectopic and when I had pre-eclampsia.

Mollyboom · 21/06/2017 17:14

Yes and no, at 28 week scan and appointment there was some concern about iugr with one of my twins and therefore extra scans and appointments were booked and my DH came to the 30 week one in case I needed support. All was fine at next one so then went on my own. Play it by ear would be my advice

Hollyhop17 · 21/06/2017 17:19

My DH has come to all but one consultant appt and wont be coming to the last one. I have been quite anxious so needed him there for support. If he can make it and you need it, then I think its worth it. If you dont feel like you need the extra support, no problem with him not coming.

annlee3817 · 21/06/2017 17:25

I think it depends, I was under consultant due to high risk of prem labour, at one point I was having weekly appointments, my DH came to a few, some I went on my own and some my Mum and even my Nan came to. It got to a point where it was so routine that I was happy to go on my own, in the beginning when the risk was first highlighted I was anxious about each appointment and didn't want to miss anything or forget to ask things. I did start taking notes to make it easier though, and wrote down questions I wanted to ask.

HellsBellsK · 21/06/2017 17:41

No my DH hasn't come to all the consultant appointments. The ones he did come for are, 8weeks, 12, weeks, 20 weeks big scan and 29weeks it was on his lunch break so suited us. My mom has come to a couple with me if she's been around.
I get scanned at every appointment but only in for 10mins usually so don't see the point.
He will come to the ones later on closer to due date.

BagelDog · 21/06/2017 17:48

Routine appointments he didn't come to, a couple of the extra scans he did, one he missed as had something on at work he couldn't move... he really didn't need to be there for the ones where they just checked BP and dipped my wee and asked a lot of questions about my diet.

arbrighton · 21/06/2017 18:28

He came to the last of the 4 growth scans, as it had been suggested at the previous one that we might need to talk about induction (and we did). Took my mum to one growth scan too as apart from anything else, it's bloody odd being the only person in the waiting room at the clinic without someone with them, and she hadn't really had scans for me and my sister in the early 80s so nice for her to see.

other than that, he'd only come to 12 and 20 week scans and the anti-D appt to drive me

No midwife ones though

Original poster

moggle · 21/06/2017 18:33

Thanks, you've generally confirmed my gut instinct which was generally no but yes if anything non routine starts happening. I'll tell him the dates but say it's up to him unless I feel I want the extra support. I have my mum not far away too as well, I know she would love to see one of the scans if DH doesn't come.

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AgainPlease · 21/06/2017 18:41

Bloody hell no. I'm high risk due to previous late loss (also IVF) but there's so much waiting around and it's all pretty boring. DH has to work to pay the bills!

MotherOfBeagles · 21/06/2017 19:53

My dh came to the 12wk and 20wk scan. I'm asking him to come to my birth plan meeting at 34wks which is with a consultant as I'm classed as high risk. Other than that he won't be coming unless something happens. This is mainly because legally he's only entitled to two appointments unpaid and his work won't let him have any more time off. Sucks but I've got my mum, I feel more bad for him missing out

Sundaygal · 21/06/2017 22:13

No, my DH came to the 12 week scan, but not any of the others as he was watching our other kids.

mintich · 22/06/2017 00:31

Mine came to all my appointments

MmmMalbec · 22/06/2017 06:53

I have 4 growth scans and consultant appointments straight after. DH won't come unless there's a chance of bad news or something towards the end. Not worth him taking the time off I don't think! He came to the 12 and 20 week scans though!

RicStar · 22/06/2017 07:05

No DH came to none of mine - but although I was consultant led for various reasons they were pretty routine. Extra scans were done by registrar as part of appointments. They were also often an hour - two hours late - so if your mum / friend /DH etc can look after your toddler that would be the very helpful.

DinoMania · 22/06/2017 08:07

My DH comes to everything, even the standard MW appointments. I really like him being there as it involves him in pregnancy more and he likes coming along as if he has any questions he can get answers plus he likes being able to hear baby's heartbeat. Our MW has said it's lovely that he is coming along to them and being so supportive.

I think it's totally up to you both though either way. X

JustMumNowNotMe · 22/06/2017 09:54

Interesting Dino, in our trust midwives wouldn't be happy to see him at every appointment, it raises red flags for DV.

SaS2014 · 22/06/2017 10:15

I'm under consultant care and classes as high risk. Dh has been to every scan and every appointment. It's certainly not essential but just out preference. And means his mind is at rest knowing I'm not telling fibs, down playing issues etc

vfoster · 22/06/2017 15:56

I've been under a consultant due to a pervious c section. As PPs have said my husband doesn't come to all of the appointments but my consultant made all my appointments and scans when I first saw him and explained what would happen in each one. This was so useful because I could identify which ones he would want to be there for! He only came to the 2nd to last one as that was when we made decisions about VBAC va C Setion and I wanted him to understand what all the options were (and it certainly helped that he could repeat it to me when my pregnancy brain struggled to remember!)
Similar situation that we live in Cheshire but husband works in Manchester so a bit of a pull away from work!

ighinici · 22/06/2017 16:24

my partner came to all of the scan appointments and once for a regular appointment. but i don't think it would've been useful for him to come every time, just to see my blood pressure and my urine getting checked.

Original poster

moggle · 22/06/2017 16:29

vfoster that sounds so useful to have all the dates in one go. Hope mine does that! (doubt it!)

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