I can't share too much on here as wish to stay anonymous but I have a really tough decision to make by Tuesday and I just don't know what to do.
A brief outline. I am 37 and have 5 children of 18, 15, 11, 10 and 9. my husband and i are currently separating. The eldest two children are from my previous relationships. We haven't got on for a fairly long while but only properly decided to separate in April. He is probably best described as a functioning alcoholic. He works full time and is leaving so he says at the end of the month. The children know and although upset are ok about it. I am a stay at home mum/carer/student (two of the children have autism that isn't really a big issue and our youngest has a medical condition that results in hospital stays sometimes.) I am studying a degree from home.
Now the dilemma is I am 12 weeks + 5 days pregnant. It isn't my husbands although it is the same father as my second eldest. He would like to be together but I can't really deal with a relationship right now and just feel awful about everything. I don't know if I would want to be with him all the time as feel I just need to concentrate on my family at the moment. He is supportive whatever I decide as to keeping it or not but currently feels pushed out and hurt. I am so torn as to what to do. I have a surgical termination booked for Tuesday but I will be 13wks + 1 then. I had a scan this week and knows it looks like a baby. I had a termination many years ago (my husbands and at his request when we were first together) and I found it really hard after psychologically but then I don't know if it's just for the best as I can't see how any of this can end well for anybody if I keep the baby.