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Pregnancy

Unwanted baby shower.

27 replies

muffinwaggon · 23/05/2017 23:03

So I've just found out there has been a baby shower arranged for me for next month... and will be held at my house.

Without sounding rude, I have previously mentioned to all people who still bother with me that I didn't want one. Just because I didn't like the idea. This was months ago, but really wasn't expecting for one to still be planned.

There's no way to get out of this is there?

I don't want to sound ungrateful but not sure why people would still think I would like this when I've mentioned before that I wouldn't.

I hardly even like going out to meet people (always feeling tired) and just don't like the thought of a load of people in my house for hours.

Any ideas on how I can make it obvious (but not rude) that I don't want it to last for hours? How to kick them out when I've had enough. I get that I can't really ask for it to be cancelled.

Please don't make out I'm being rude haha.

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DeanKoontz · 23/05/2017 23:08

Who has planned it? Be very firm and tell them, and everyone else invited that you don't want one / not having one.

Tell them you'll arrange a post-baby shower your self when you're ready, after the birth.

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muffinwaggon · 23/05/2017 23:13

My mum told me tonight when I spoke to her. Assuming she also had help from some pushy friends. She knows I don't really have loads of friends so thought it be a 'nice idea'. I know she was probably doing it with good intentions but I had let her know before that I just wouldn't want one. She also thought I was crazy when I said that if it started around 2, I wanted everyone gone by 4.

I don't mind people coming to visit once baby is here but just really don't like the whole idea of a baby shower.

Would it be okay to let everyone know it wasn't happening anymore? 😕

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DramaAlpaca · 23/05/2017 23:18

I agree with Dean. Be very firm and tell your mum you don't want one and it's not happening.

FWIW I would've felt just the same so I sympathise.

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MaverickSnoopy · 23/05/2017 23:21

You have 3 options:

attend and say nothing
cancel
get d&v on the day

Up to you which. Fwiw I hate them. I have made it clear to friends over the years and thankfully no one threw me one! In your shoes I think I would reiterate that I didn't want one. How would you feel if there were no gifts or tacky games and it was just a catch up?

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3luckystars · 23/05/2017 23:22

Just say thanks but I'm not well, please cancel it, we can celebrate another time.
Tell her you are going away that day and have an appointment, you will not be at home that day.

Or else tell her you have organised one yourself and then dont!!

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DeanKoontz · 23/05/2017 23:22

Absolutely!

I went to one where the mum-to-be was very uncomfortable with the whole thing and had clearly been railroaded into having it. I really wished I hadn't gone. Despite the her telling everyone it was just a meal out and not to bring presents etc, most people still did, and the sister had gone overboard with balloons etc. Also, lots of people were drinking and getting a bit merry, when the mtb clearly couldn't. .

I'm glad they weren't around when I was pregnant. I won't be going to anymore.

Stand firm.

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Lillieslamb · 23/05/2017 23:26

If you don't feel comfortable asking for it to.be cancelled (I wouldn't be brave enough to be honest!), could you asked for it to be at a different venue, like your mum's? At least then you can leave early if you feel like it, and don't have to worry about the mess.

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muffinwaggon · 23/05/2017 23:26

I really don't want one. The more I think about it, the more it annoys me. I really want to just tell everyone it isn't happening anymore, but does it just sound horrible?

I think it's wound me up more that it's at mine and I can't make an excuse and leave early.

I'm going to talk to my mum about it tomorrow and see if she'll let people know it's no longer happening. God knows who she's even invited.

I'm happy to have everyone round for a cuppa, once they've arranged it with me, and I can let them know it isn't an all day thing.

An old friend came round tonight and gave me a present for baby. I knew it was nice if her but it just seemed awkward as she hadn't spoke to me for years. Don't want it to be the same when I get presents from loads of people at a baby shower I didn't even want.

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muffinwaggon · 23/05/2017 23:28

Thank you for everyone's comments by the way! I was expecting everyone to give me shit about being ungrateful.

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ALittleMop · 23/05/2017 23:32

You have every right not to want to have a party at your house that you have explicitly said you don't want, and have not arranged.

Tell your mum, thankyou, and that you know it came from a place of love and kindness, but no, you really don't want it to happen.

It really is incredibly insensitive of your mum to go ahead and organise it, but I'd not say that, just think it, and use that to steel my resolve.

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Plink42 · 23/05/2017 23:33

Think it's a hit cheeky expecting you to give Baby Shower. Perhaps if it's a different venue u mite feel like going.
Ure not being difficult at all.
Good luck with the birth of ure baby 🎉

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muffinwaggon · 23/05/2017 23:35

Yes, definitely going to have a word with her tomorrow. I think she will understand if I don't overreact and seriously tell her I'm not happy about it.

She's probably just excited as I'm an only child and this is her first grandson but it's not the point.

Thank you for the reply. It's helped knowing that people understand my situation.

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C0untDucku1a · 23/05/2017 23:37

Who has organised it?

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muffinwaggon · 23/05/2017 23:37

If it was at hers (or somewhere that isn't mine) and called it a get together or something over than a baby shower, I'd probably be alright with it. As then I wouldn't be expecting presents and all the attention on me, but it's pissed me off that she didn't listen to me at all.

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muffinwaggon · 23/05/2017 23:37

@C0untDucku1a my mum.

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3luckystars · 23/05/2017 23:38

Ask her if you can do something together instead, that you would prefer that. Like going shopping for baby things or just doing something together. That might soften it.
Say you will not be home on the day though, or she might still go ahead with it.

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C0untDucku1a · 23/05/2017 23:47

So just tell her youre having no party at your house?!

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muffinwaggon · 23/05/2017 23:50

@C0untDucku1a yes, going to speak to her but don't even know who's she's invited so hoping she takes it well and let's everyone know.

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Jessiecat27 · 24/05/2017 12:52

I totally get where you're coming from! I know my mum wouldn't arrange one but my OH likes the idea (he loves parties and get togethers!) I feel so rude asking people for presents and even if I just said come round for a get together I know it'd end up being loads of people! Just tell her you don't want one and would rather organise a few people round on your own terms when you feel like it, I'm sure she will understand!

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ememem84 · 24/05/2017 13:05

Could you just go out on the day.

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mimiholls · 24/05/2017 13:33

It is unbelievably cheeky to arrange a surprise party for you at your own house!! I could maybe understand if it was at another venue. You wouldn't be unreasonable at all to put your foot down.

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Dede124 · 24/05/2017 15:26

Me too my friend insists I have one and I really don't want one. I'm not in the mood for people and I actually really don't like socialising at the mo lol! She says it's nice to look back on but I don't like a big fuss and being centre of attention!

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Thatextrainch · 24/05/2017 15:29

It's your house so just go out before it starts and return late

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mummabubs · 24/05/2017 19:00

Oooo, watching with interest as I'm likely in the same situation OP. Like yourself I've been very clear that I don't want a baby shower, however my sister got in touch to ask me what she should do as apparently DSiL is determined to organise me one and won't stop pushing my sister for details on who to invite etc. Sis has also communicated again that I don't want one... but then when DSiL called my DH the other day I could overhear her asking him if I was in the room and that she had something that she needs to discuss with him about me and bubba. And just like you, the more I think about it the more I don't want one!!!! Like others have said I'd be firm with your mum and re-emphasise how much you don't want one! Good luck, let us know how it goes? X

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sleepseeker99 · 25/05/2017 16:28

How about suggesting you go to a restaurant/tea rooms/cafe for the shower? That way you can bog off home when you want to :)

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Flip

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