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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Help! Unexpectedly pregnant while on BC - 7 months along!

42 replies

aimisan · 12/05/2017 05:14

Hello all, I'm new and very nervous!
I am a 25 year old law student from the USA; my partner is British and I've moved here to be with him and to attend post-graduate university (again, my 2nd MA, what was I thinking?!).

About 8 months ago I was fitted with arm implanted birth control, and assumed all would be well. My partner and I have had regular intercourse since then and I never had a period I was told many times this was normal and that some women don't have a regular cycle on Implanon. Colour me surprised when out of nowhere I began having extreme discomfort in my back/pelvis, trouble breathing when walking up hill, horrific heartburn, and what I described as "a rolling feeling" in my abdomen.

I was convinced I was very ill with some terrible malady. I finally got up the courage to make GP appointments, etc., but before going in I decided to take an at home pregnancy test because my symptoms seemed to maybe be associated with that but I thought, surely this will reassure me that this isn't the case. I ordered a test online, as I've never even had a PG scars and the thought of going to Boots to buy one was too much to bear at this juncture. So I got it in the mail yesterday, laughing as I filled a small tumbler glass to test, and stuck it in as instructed. Well. 30 seconds later I had a positive. A definite one. I swore loudly enough that my dear partner heard, and I told him immediately. I had read if I was indeed pregnant and had an arm implant I needed to go to A&E, so we took an uber right away. Of course the ride was tense.

My partner is much older than I, and does not want additional children beyond the one he has with his ex wife. I have never wanted children either and hadn't planned for this. He started discussing "our options", which I couldn't really think about yet, not knowing what was going on or whether the pregnancy would be viable.

Hours after we arrived at A&E, a nurse called me back and asked me about symptoms. I provided more wee to test, and grimly awaited the news. A different nurse brought me back to the minor injuries area and asked me for another sample, and told me that so far, it had been positive. I saw her write HGC POSITIVE on my form. I almost collapsed. It suddenly became very real that I was exprecting. She helped me calm down and the next step was to get a basic scan. My head was spinning as a doctor asked me some basic questions and had me lie down for examination. The scan revealed the pregnant to be about 6-7 months along, but she did not know exactly because it was not her specialty and the scanner was a basic one. So she contacted midwives(?) who will be contacting me today to make an appointment for a more detailed scan and blood testing.

My partner is still upset and wants some time to think about all of this, which I understand. But I feel so alone in a foreign country without my family for support.

I'm writing this at 5am and feeling so many things! I am scared and nervous and hopeful all at once. This is no unexpected and shocking. Has anyone experienced: 1) pregnancy on Implanon or other birth control? 2) finding out they are due so late in the pregnancy? I feel like one of those silly girls who "didn't know they were pregnant" but I honestly had NO IDEA until yesterday. Suddenly all of the symptoms I've been having make perfect sense, which is a relief in a way.

I hope this post wasn't too rambling! Any advice regarding this situation would be so helpful. Thank you!!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
randomuntrainedcuntowner · 12/05/2017 06:45

Congratulations

Chinnygirl · 12/05/2017 06:45

We are trying to help

Bluntness100 · 12/05/2017 06:46

Op, he's not going to force you to stay in the uk. You know the man. I don't know why folks always go to the most extreme unlikely event they can.

You need to start to make plans though, think about your future in terms of what you wish to do, in a few weeks you will have a child. How will it impact your studies, can you get through to completion in JAN? It's such a shock you probably both need some breathing space.

Wallywobbles · 12/05/2017 06:53

It'll be fine. But sticking your head in the sand will not be very productive in the long run. People here have all types of experience, try to be brave and think about it.

I do think you need legal advice for the consequences of your choices for your baby. For e.g. in terms of getting British/US nationality. With one British parent the baby can have British nationality. But possibly only if your partner is on the birth certificate. If he's on the birth certificate he has parental responsibility. Which gives him certain responsibilities. But it could also force you to be connected to him for the next 18 years.

Is this the same for US? Would it be better to give birth in US? I imagine yes for you but much more expensive probably.

If you go back to the states to live after you finish your studies does this mean that your child will never have contact with the father. Might be what everyone wants. Might not.

Basically I think you need to find all the questions and answers and an immigration lawyer is probably the place to start. Just so you know.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 12/05/2017 06:56

Congrats on the baby news! Although it's a shock you will come around to it!
I don't have much to add except that I you plan to give birth in the USA then you'll probably need to fly back very soon. Most airlines have a cut off after which they won't let you fly. I think you'll be approaching that deadline very soon...
Hope all goes well. Flowers

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 12/05/2017 07:01

OP honey you have time to figure all this out. Don't panic Flowers

If his name is not on the birth certificate he cannot force you & baby to stay.

OTOH if his name is not on the birth certificate it will be difficult to force him to pay child maintenance.

Baby steps. Have your midwife appointment and take it from there. Wait and see how DP is after the weekend.

user1492287253 · 12/05/2017 07:02

Your baby is a blessing and clearly a very meant to be little person. I fell with my oldest daughter despite numerous types of contraception. I never intended to have a baby. She is 22 now! You have the benefit of a lovely mum and auntie to support you and no doubt dp will get over the shock. You do at least know that he is a good dad to his son so that is more than many people have. Good luck in working it all through.

Penfold007 · 12/05/2017 07:32

OP as you are in the U.K. On a student visa do you have medical insurance? Not trying to add to your worries but it needs to be considered.

balence49 · 12/05/2017 07:41

It sounds like you will have more support and chances of a decent life in the us with your mum. This man your with sounds like a loser .

mintich · 12/05/2017 07:46

I got pregnant on the pill and my partner was discussing abortions etc and not happy at all.
That was until he saw the scan. I saw his face completely change, and he now says that he will never forgive himself for what he said in those early days. It was just shock.
Your partner may come around but what is important is you and the baby. You'll be fine! Smile

wheresbear · 12/05/2017 07:58

You are clearly going to be a brilliant mum. The fact that your primary concern at this moment of huge shock is the health and wellbeing of your unborn child is so moving. The details will resolve themselves over time: in the meantime you should know that you and your baby are going to be just fine.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 12/05/2017 08:04

wheresbear that is such a lovely point to make.

space83 · 12/05/2017 08:27

aimisan - hopefully the shock will be wearing off a bit with a clearer head this morning. I have been in your situation with firstborn - older man relationship who definitely did not want children; mid 20s away from family - found out at 6mths pregnant after being on the pill. Coincidentally enough before I became a nurse, I studied law at undergraduate....

Key things to note are - you are entitled to not put his name on the birth certificate, if you do so then he can claim parental responsibility and (in my case) this was problematic as he was a total dick in the end about it all. The onus is then on him to claim paternity - but you have protected your child.

  • secondly I'd enjoy going home to your mum and auntie especially as this would be near your due date anyways.
  • talk to uni as they will be clued up on deferring final year studies.

In the end, in my case, I left him and met the most amazing guy who has accepted ds as his own and we've been married 7yrs now.

You can do this and you may be shocking your family but the thought of grandkids usually brings them round.

I'm now due second bub shortly ten years later and it's totally worth it. Good luck OP! :)

YerAWizardHarry · 12/05/2017 08:32

I found out at 24 weeks pregnant with my son, I was only 19 at the time and had only just become my first proper job and had no decent qualifications. Fast forward 5 years and my son is about to start school and I start university in September which I never imagined I would. I'm no longer with my sons dad but he's still around - it'll all work out ok in the end!!

VinIsGroot · 12/05/2017 09:46

Found out I was pregnant with my first at 26 weeks.
I'd just been abroad getting married and in a bikini in front of all my family!
I'd been really ill and stressed before the wedding. I came home sat down and my tummy moved! Totally thought I had an alien moment!
DS was born 14 weeks later... absolutely perfect ... although we've recently had a dx of ASD and ADHD. His paed thinks it is probably the accumulation of different drugs in my system.
I'd had a GA, loads of Valium for nerve problems in my jaw. All my injections to go abroad, and I obviously drank and ate what ever as I had no idea I was pregnant!
I will put my hands up and say though we have DS2 who I did everything by the book and he has severe disabilities and a rare gene mutation.
Dd1 is perfect or NT and did it all by the book with her too!
Life deals you cards and then you just have to reshuffle and cope as best you can.
I'd never change anything about my brood even though they provide immense challenges... they are amazing ... just the way they are!!!

LuchiMangsho · 12/05/2017 09:55

We are not trying to scare you. You. Will. Be. Fine.
But once you have had your scans and so on there are a few things to think about:

  1. Where do you want to have the baby? What kind of health insurance do you have in the States? If born in the US the baby will be an American citizen of course.
  2. I am sure you know the father. But it IS possible that if you have the baby here he may not let you return. This has indeed happened to a friend of mine (and someone else I know vaguely). My friend is now stuck with a baby, no support, no way of earning (because of the nature of her visa) and it is a mess. If your relationship isn't great to begin with, then I would make plans to go home BEFORE you are too pregnant to fly back.

But YOU WILL BE FINE! And congratulations.

abbsisspartacus · 12/05/2017 10:00

You cannot stay indefinatly? You have a visa for study don't You? So you will have to go home at some point anyway

He cannot force you to remain you need a legal right to remain which you don't have right now Yes?

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