Fear of another miscarriage

[Hazandduck]

Hello,

I've had two miscarriages before, both were at 10+3 back to back last year. In February we tried again and I fell pregnant. It has been a fraught few months, but my anxiety is getting worse.

I had a scan at 10+6 and saw baby measuring 10+5, it was amazing and we were ecstatic. But the doctor scanning said it can still go wrong and I've been pretty negative to be honest. My OH doesnt know what to do with me. I don't know what to do with me!
I have worn a pad for every day of this pregnancy and honestly shine my torch on the toilet paper after I wipe to check for spotting or anything! I've had constant stomach aches and back ache, not cramping as such, just general discomfort. Sometimes it has been so bad I've been convinced I'm miscarrying but it's never come to anything.
My fear of jinxing this pregnancy meant I didn't book in with the midwife til almost 12 weeks so now my first official 12 week scan isn't until Monday when I should be 14 weeks. I am so terrified.
A couple of times when scrutinising the toilet paper I have seen what looks like a pinprick of red. It's so tiny I would never normally notice it. I'm just so scared of a third miscarriage. I don't even know why I'm posting this! Sorry for my ramble I'm such a wreck I just had to leave work after I found a pinprick of red on the toilet roll after a wee! Feel like I am going insane.
Can anyone relate to my madness? Do you think it will be ok? I know you can't ever tell me that so I shouldn't ask I'm just so incredibly down and worried.

Not managed to read the whole thread but I had 2 mcs last year - 12 weeks in January (I was in hospital for urosepsis) and 6+4 weeks in April. I fell pregnant again in July and was an absolute wreck. Both miscarriages were thought to be caused by infections so I took two types of antibiotics throughout the third pregnancy to prevent infection. I had scans from 8-14 weeks almost weekly. It was a really tough time.

I now have a beautiful 8 week old DS hopefully that will go some way in giving you comfort. All the best! Xx

Thanks all for the positive messages.

@Hazandduck best of luck for your scan on Monday. Here's hoping for a plain sailing pregnancy from here on in!

Thanks all for the positive messages. I feel ok at the moment, I never really believed I would end up with a baby this time so think I'm numb to it at the moment. I'm sure once I have the scan on Monday and it's real it will hit me.

@Hazandduck best of luck for your scan on Monday. Here's hoping for a plain sailing pregnancy from here on in!

Oops I didn't realise first one had posted as I got an error!

Completely understand- two miscarriages at ten-ish weeks in August 2014 and April 2015. Then found out we were pregnant again on New Year's Day 2016- my beautiful little girl is now nearly nine months old and not a day goes by that I don't thank my little lucky stars.

We had many private scans throughout the pregnancy and cried A LOT. I began to feel a little better after my twenty week scan.

for you and my sincere best wishes.

i totally understand! it's been terrible for me to the extent that i cant even bring myself to take preg tests anymore for fear of another mc. i decided to face my fear and saw the result i was hoping for. whereas i used to not take a test, wear pads and check for blood every day, this time around, im just praying lots and literally shutting my eyes tight every time i go to the loo!!! it's not easy to do that, but it's liberating, im no longer on edge. my only fear is that a mc this time round would be so much harder bc of all this hope for a better outcome

Hi @Hazandduck I hope you don't mind me posting on your thread. I just found out today after an emergency scan due to bleeding that the embryo died at 8 weeks; I should have been 10 weeks tomorrow. I've no idea how I'm going to get through this - I'm terrified of what's going to happen physically - and also terrified of getting pregnant again even though I want to try again asap. This is my second pregnancy but first miscarriage. I'm in shock.
I wish you all the best of luck for your scan on Monday.

Grumpy, it's awful. Sending love your way. I miscarried my first ten days ago, at 8.6. The minute I saw blood, l just knew... The hospital was wonderful, which really helped me. I had ERPC, and have recovered well from the MMC.
However, getting pregnant again is a terrifying prospect. I'm over 40 & I'd love it to happen soon. But I know my MMC will always be there if I do... I felt good early in my pregnancy, chilled out. While I was very aware of miscarriage, and that helped hugely when it happened, I know that the shock & upset will come back next time (fingers crossed), for sure...

Thank you @CreamCheez if it hasn't progressed naturally by Monday morning I'm going to ask about surgical management options. Just want it over with.

Hazanduck how did the scan go? Xx

used and haz I hope that you both had good news at your scans today. Thinking of you x

Creamcheese and Grumpy I'm so sorry for your losses. It's so unfair and painful, and I don't think anyone understands until they go through it. It is very personal when you feel ready mentally and physically to try again. The first time I was desperate to just be pregnant again, second time I was almost put off trying again, but after a few months the urge came back. I am thinking of you both at this horrible time and wish you all the best for the future xxx

To everyone commenting, thank you so much for your amazing kindness and for thinking of me. I have been a wreck all weekend but today I saw baby, measuring 14 weeks to the dot, and there was a trainee sonographer so we had about an hour in there! Baby was not playing ball so I had to jump up and down, they were tipping the bed up, rocking me side to side and making me cough! I had no idea babies could be so stubborn. One of the most incredible moments of my life. Thank you so much for all your support and I wish all of you every luck and health in your future pregnancies xxx

Great to hear you had such good news at you scan @Hazandduck also nice to have the trainer for an extra long look at baby!

Nothing seen at my scan, blood came back negative so I had already passed everything over the weekend. I think I knew as soon as I started bleeding. Obviously feeling very emotional about it at the moment, but not sure if I'm strong enough to try again. I feel like my life has been in limbo for the past year and a half so maybe now is time to call it a day and move on.

Good luck to all still trying

Just been to the loo and I'm pretty sure it has now come out, I didn't look but I'm almost certain. Lots of cramping and flowing red blood now.
Hoping this means I won't need surgery but if there is any chance anything is left I'll still opt for it.

I'm so sorry you had bad news used. Thinking of you and sending strength.

Grumpy I'm sorry you're going through this. The best thing for me was making sofa nests and letting OH bring me snacks and watch what I want (lots of comedies/old Disneys.) Take as long as you need off work, it gives you time to process it a bit more and kind of grieve in freedom at home without having to do the whole stiff upper lip thing too soon. I'm so sorry and really hope it is over soon xx

That's great haz good luck for the rest of the pregnancy :)

used so so sorry to hear your bad news. I remember feeling absolutely crushed with mc 2, life is so bloody cruel. Which no mc is this for you now? Just wondering if maybe you'd be able to access some help if/when you do feel strong enough to try again x

grumpy sorry you're going through such a horrible time too.

used just seen that it's no 3 for you, so sorry :( hope they gave you some support today. You should be able to get access to a recurrent miscarriage clinic now if that's something you wanted to consider for the future x