I'm so so scared, please someone give me some perspective

[FrostyPopThePenguinLord]

Sorry I'm not good at short posts and I've accidentally deleted the bastard thing twice so apologies for any errors I'm getting quite frustrated.

I had an ectopic in January, surgery a week in hospital, the works. Ended up saving the tube and having methotrexate to end it.

Quit my job due to a stress disorder brought on by my ectopic but badly triggered by a new manager asking very unprofessional questions about my medical history and being very rude about it. So I cut my losses and resigned.

They proceeded to give me a questionable reference for my new position saying I had attendance issues, technically true as I had quite some time off but all doctor sanctioned.

I was able to explain this to my new bosses and they agreed I could have the job although I have no doubt there is a note in my file somewhere to keep an eye on this. It's ok pay but quite a controversial job do not many applicants who are capable of it do they are a bit desperate which probably contributed to the overlooking my supposed 'attendance issues'.

I started last week and just found out I'm pregnant, about 4 weeks, I had no idea before I accepted the job but suspected something early last week. I had no plans to say anything until 12 weeks so I knew I was safer in my pregnancy and also do I was out of my probationary period.

I know pregnant women are protected (supposedly) but if I have another ectopic it will mean time off a week or so into a new position, a potential hospital stay and after that I'm not pregnant anymore do presumably not protected as it was so early in pregnancy. They would then know I'm trying for a baby and in my probation period they can pick almost no reason to end my employment, trainees make mistakes or I'm 'not a good fit' for the job.

I'm getting the cramps again like I had before, so far they are mild, about twice daily and like a bad period pain in severity. In my last pregnancy I held out for ages before going to the doctors because I was told cramps are perfectly normal in early pregnancy, but I was doubled over screaming so clearly not normal.
This time I'm obviously more paranoid and went to my GP who took blood and told me there wasn't much more he can do at this stage as nothing would show on a scan. He ordered more tests for this week and we will catch up on Friday unless anything changes in the meantime.

Im so scared of it being another ectopic, not only of losing another baby but of losing a job a week into it! Im so desperate for it to be ok I'm even taking my mebevrine for bowel cramps I was getting intermittently after my surgery to try and alleviate the cramps.

I can't afford the time off, I don't want to lose my baby, I don't want to let my employers down when they gave me a chance and it feels like I'm spiralling out of control and it's all going to shit.

I'm having sick thoughts like 'why can't I just have a straightforward miscarriage if I'm going to lose it anyway' then I realise what I just thought and am disgusted with myself.

I'm so sorry for all this waffle I just need to unload and get some support, I didn't want to put this in the Miscarriage section as I am actually still pregnant and didn't want to rub anyone's face in it or trigger them. I hope this is appropriate if not I'll try and move it somewhere better

X

Frosty I've never been in your situation but didn't want to just leave after reading without trying to give you some support.

I'm sure it's easier said than done but try not to worry too much - some slight pains are normal in early pregnancy as the relaxin hormone starts being released straight away (I think that's what causes the twinges anyway). Plus from what you've said you get bowel cramps due to your previous surgery and surely stress will affect these too?

Have any of your doctors said anything about whether having one ectopic pregnancy changes your chances of having a second ectopic pregnancy? If you've not asked, I suggest you do as, you never know, it may not increase the risk for subsequent pregnancies...

With regards your job, I can understand your concern, but if the worst happens and you need time off for what would effectively be emergency surgery, I think your employer would be taking a huuuuuuuge risk to fire you as they'd be opening themselves up to so many wrongful dismissal claims (pregnancy and the medical issues). They couldn't claim you'd had lots of episodes of sickness - it would be one episode, for which you would have a doctors note - completely different to multiple episodes of self-certified sickness I'd imagine.

I hope that your pregnancy goes well and will keep my fingers crossed for you.

Sorry you've had such a tough time, it all sounds really stressful. With regard to your cramps, I had a lot in this pregnancy and all was fine. I know it's hard not to think the worst but I don't think what you're describing is unusual so far. Can you contact the epu and get them to do some blood tests /early scan given your history? At least that way you'll know sooner rather than later.

if you have time off because of a miscarriage then your employer must treat this as pregnancy related illness so can't use it against you. I know it's difficult in a probationary period though as they don't really need to have a reason to get rid of you. In think you just have to hope that they are not the horrible sort of people who would do that, and that they do have some morals. hope it works out for you.

Wow breathe! I think you're over thinking. Are you so sure these cramps mean another ectopic? This is a new employer, how do you know how they are going to react? You've assumed they've formed a negative opinion already!

I think I'd focus on getting my head straight. You mention you having 'sick' thoughts. Those thoughts are totally normal. You're still grieving and fear a loss of another. You need to look after yourself. Do you have friends/family/supportive DP to talk to?

I know I'm probably overthinking, thank you for all your support.
This is just how it started last time, mild cramps getting worse and worse, so I'm a little on edge.
My likelihood of another ectopic has gone up significantly because of my previous one so my doctor says I'm not unreasonable for my fears but to try and relax until I know the results which I understand.
My local EPU doesn't accept anyone until 6 weeks I'm only 4+3 and I've had all the diagnostic tests I can for this stage, it's a series of blood tests and I'm booked in for more.
As for the Bowel cramps I've not had any for months but I have the medication for if I need it, I was just hoping it would help my cramps now so I can get back to work more easily.
I don't think my employers are assholes they seem really nice , but I know they took me on fully aware of my previous 'attendance issues' so I imagine they will be less tolerant of it if I have absences almost immediately after starting a new job. It's a large company so I'm sure they will know about how to get around any legal snags better than me.

Hi OP I was in your situation but I'm now 17 weeks pregnant and all looks healthy so far. Didn't have the added work pressures though, that's just adding to your stress.

it is terrifying. I think I felt worse for the first 2 weeks of this pregnancy than during the actual ectopic (which was treated with methotrexate). I was convinced it was going to happen again. I had hcg tests taken 48 hours apart as soon as I got the positive tests, which showed hcg doubling as normal and at 6 weeks a scan which showed pregnancy in uterus. Then at 8 weeks a scan showed heartbeat etc and i began to relax a bit.

Some period like cramping is normal. I've had this with my DS and this pregnancy. I just had to remind myself that yes, my odds of another ectopic are higher than normal, but the odds of everything being fine are the highest. It's a horrible waiting game for the next couple of weeks

I went for another blood test today and although not definitive the nurse says the numbers are high which is a good sign so fingers crossed.
We are being cautiously optimistic. My boobs are killing me though!

Hey I'm probably not much use but my mum was telling me she had an ectopic pregnancy which nearly killed her. She went on to have me and my sister so I wouldn't worry too much. I'm sorry your going through this just keep positive and see how it goes. Never be afraid to contact the doctors if something seems off

Frosty I'm also in a similar situation with regards to the ectopic, although no concerns from a work perspective.

I have surgery to remove a Fallopian tube and ectopic pregnancy in December and am now 5+2. I have a scan booked at the EPU next week when il be 6+1.

With regards to your workplace, agree with previous posters that they can't discriminate against you for something pregnancy related. Hopefully you won't even need to worry about that as your pregnancy will be fine.