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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

OH wants to keep baby's sex a secret from everyone

48 replies

Jellybabie3 · 07/05/2017 09:41

Just wondering if others have done this/will do this. My partner is very keen go find out the sex of the baby tomorrow. I probably wouldve waited but having seen how important it is for him, i have agreed (i wasnt fixated on the idea of waiting). This weekend hes mentioned it would be good to not tell friends and family the sex - to keep it our secret. I get what he means as I was strangely disappointed to tell everyone we pregnant as i had really enjoyed being in our little bubble until that point! I just think it will be really hard and p**s people off who were expecting to know tomorrow (aka the mothers). Just wondered what other people did/found it?

OP posts:

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cleanlaundry · 07/05/2017 11:13

I did this HOWEVER I told everyone I didn't find out. Only reason why I did it was because I had a right to know and not be badgered by people to tell them info about my child like it was a law that I have to tell them. And they still did it anyway so for me it was more about my choice on not wanting to tell certain people but still wanting to know out of curiosity. If I told them then I would expect name suggestions thrown at me and very gender-centric items suggested.

Pregnancy does strange things to you

Nessiej78 · 07/05/2017 12:04

We found out the sex of our dc by mistake. We'd told the midwife we didn't want to know, she forgot and blurted it out during our 20 week scan! Not too worried really because as others have said it's a 50/50 thing anyway. Kept it to ourselves and pretending we don't know as we want it to be a surprise for everyone else!

NannyPlum82 · 07/05/2017 15:46

We found out with our first because we had an amnio and they check the chromosomes so I knew that the answer was written down somewhere and couldn't contain myself.

We told our parents and siblings the sex but didnt tell anyone else that we had even found out.

I do think its nice having a secret.

Movingin2017 · 07/05/2017 15:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

katkitkat · 07/05/2017 15:49

I honestly think people who are that secretive about it really need to get over themselves and stop being so smug.

Nobody actually gives that much of a shit.

Boy. Girl. It will be one or the other.

ParadiseLaundry · 07/05/2017 15:50

We found out and didn't tell anyone (but also didn't tell anyone we'd found out) it was lovely having a little secret.

Come to think of it after DS was born we didn't even tell them we had known all along so it's STILL our little secret

katkitkat · 07/05/2017 16:16

In addition

It's fine if you know but don't tell anyone you know and let everyone believe you don't know.

It's the ones who find out and make a big thing of not telling anyone else who piss me off.

FantasticMax · 07/05/2017 16:24

We found out second time around and kept it a secret. Not in an annoying "We know but we're not going to tell you" way, just said that we hadn't found out. Baby is here now and we still haven't told anyone we knew.
DH wanted to know for bonding reasons, I wasn't fussed, but I liked being able to announce the sex, name, etc at the birth so I'm glad we kept it to ourselves. Plus I knew of a couple who were told they were having a girl and it ended up being a boy so, although we'd been told what we were having, I didn't really believe it until I had the baby in my arms. (Sonographer was correct in our case!)

Oysterbabe · 07/05/2017 16:33

I personally don't see the point in keeping it a secret from everyone if you've found out. A lot of people seem to overestimate how much anyone else cares.

NameChange30 · 07/05/2017 16:37

If you're going to find out the sex it seems silly to keep it a secret. Since you didn't want to find out at all I suggest you stick to your guns, or tell your DP that if he wants to find out you would prefer not to keep it secret. All or nothing, basically!

penasol · 07/05/2017 16:41

It's a totally wanky thing to do. It'll cause hurt to those close who are invested and care; you're putting a barrier up and effectively saying they're not "important" enough to know.

For everyone else - they just don't care that much. Like others have said it's a 50% chance. But they'll smile and pretend they do care, cos that's what people do, and your husband can be all smug that he's got the best secret ever. Winner

Blueemeraldagain · 07/05/2017 16:42

Either find out and pretend you don't know or don't find out.

A very close friend had a baby recently and kept the name a secret from everyone except grandparents for 8 days!! The name! It did make me . He and his wife are very, very private and I think this accidentally spilled over into being unintentionally attention seeking.

penasol · 07/05/2017 16:43

Addition to above: it doesn't cover people who don't let on they know, that's all cool. But personally I'd feel a bit weird lying to my mum whether I'd found out.

NameChange30 · 07/05/2017 16:45

Blue
I think it's a good idea to keep the name secret until the baby's born (and not discuss the shortlist with people either) but I don't understand keeping it a secret after the baby's born! Unless they hadn't actually decided on a name yet??

Ecureuil · 07/05/2017 16:47

But personally I'd feel a bit weird lying to my mum whether I'd found out

My parents didn't ask, other than asking how the scan went in terms of screening/anomalies etc. They just saw it as an anomaly scan.

NameChange30 · 07/05/2017 16:47

Also I'm terrible at lying and hate keeping secrets so I definitely wouldn't be able to pretend I didn't know the sex if I actually did. DH and I referred to DS as "he" after we found out he was a boy and I would definitely have said "he" in front of someone at some point! It was hard enough keeping the name to ourselves!

OffRoader · 07/05/2017 16:55

Our friends did this. We bumped into them at a shopping centre once and the Mum made a point of picking up boys' and girls' clothes as we went round a shop.

It took all my self control to say 'I really don't give a shit, so just get on with your shopping!'

I think it's a bit annoying.

badg3r · 07/05/2017 17:09

I know several people who have done this, some very close to me. I didn't see it as a snub at all! For a start, 20 weeks scans aren't always right. Secondly, I don't think that by finding out and keeping it secret there's an insinuation that people aren't "special" enough to share the information with, or that you think people will care and are building up the "hype" by not saying. People keep all sorts to themselves for all sorts of reasons and it's really not a big deal or anyone else's business. Some keep the due date a secret, some keep the sex a secret, some even keep the fact it's multiples a secret.

I would think carefully about how you think people will react though before deciding whether to tell them you know, i.e. are they likely to badger you to tell them or try and make you slip up, and would it annoy you if they did find out?

Graceflorrick · 07/05/2017 17:36

My DS did this, we all guessed she was having a boy as she had loads of blue baby clothes

NapQueen · 07/05/2017 17:37

I think if you insist on this wacky plan then the party line should be "we didnt find out", rather than "we found out but are keeping it a secret"

Blueemeraldagain · 07/05/2017 18:17

NameChange30
They had picked the names (first and middle) but wanted to see if they "fitted". Name wasn't even that great or unusual

expatinscotland · 07/05/2017 18:23

I think this is such a wanky thing to do. Think it's pretty hurtful, too. And wouldn't be on board with someone trying to dictate to me who I told and when. Fuck that. I'm really close to my mum and sister, I wanted to share with them.

scrivette · 07/05/2017 18:33

I am planning on doing this. DH wanted to know with the first two and I said no, this one we are going to find out by not let anyone else know that we know.

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